My baby's father is making my life hell

[TheOliveMoose]

I've posted about this a few times on here under different names

Long story short me & babys father split when baby was 4 months old. She is 11 months now.

Back in July/August I phoned police on babys father for harrasing me. He ended up getting charged with harrasment & stalking. He had a fine and probation. I was offered no protection.

Due to me not being offered a restraining order I continued co parenting with him. He has the baby about 3 times a week for about 6-8 hours a time.

Lately he's started to act how he acted back in July/August. Questioning me on things.(where and what I did on the weekend, Who certain men are on my friends list on facebook, if im seeing/speaking to anyone etc) Hes asking things that are nothing to do with him, or about the baby.

I've told him a few times in the last few weeks that I don't love him, don't want him, the relationship is over and done with, and I'm making it chrystal clear!

All I'm getting back is comments like "but you laughed at my joke when I dropped the baby home the other night" or "you wrote goodnight on one of your texts to me the other day".. he's really clinging on to anything that I do or say, and claiming that I do infact still want him even tho I'm TELLING him I don't.

Today I've recieved 80 messages off of him, ones declaring his love for me, ones begging me not to move on, ones telling me he's going to change etc.

I'm at a point where it's really effecting my mental health now, and once the Xmas holidays are over I'm going to book a Dr's appointment to talk about my mental health. Usually him and his noncence makes me really angry. Today I feel drained, I've broke down in tears because I really don't know what to do any more.

He also messages quite threatening things every now and then, telling me "I'll never let you move on" "you'll never have another baby with anyone else"

I'm at a point where I physically cannot co parent with this person anymore. It's breaking me.

I'm so scared that if i stopped contact with him and it did go to court I'd still get made to still co parent with him

I don't know what to do anymore I really am at rock bottom now, I'm emotionally drained, this isn't even a question I just needed to let it out

Contact needs to be formalised (via the courts) and there needs to be a fixed schedule, a third party also needs to be involved for handovers. He is using contact to harass you. God the Police can be useless sometimes. Contact Women’s Aid.

I am so sorry this pig is doing this to you.

No need. Go away

What madness is this?

Google the grey rock method. Only thing that worked with my ex.

Block him from all social media and his family and friends

I would switch communication to a coparenting app. If he needs to have your phone number for emergencies when your child is with him, consider getting a second burner just for that purpose. Block everything else.

move your child exchanges to a public place. Preferably one with cctv. Our local police station has a good spot for this. I also notice parents using particular parking lots in our area that have signs posted about there being cameras.

if he is reliably parenting and taking care of the child properly, then I would be reticent to interfere with his parenting time. He can easily take you to court to get it restored and if he has a good track record in that regard he could twist things in his favor.

You are vile

Hi *,

I'm really concerned that this situation is escalating out of control. I have made it clear that I don't want to be in a relationship with you. You are making it impossible to coparent together. The only contact we should be having is about our child. Yesterday alone you sent me 80 messages. I would like to keep things cordial, but if you don't stop now I'll have no other option to get the authorities involved.

Then back it up with action.

Yes, I'm sure he was. I had a boyfriend who was amazing for a full year, writing me love poems and tidying my room when I was out, cooking me meals and generally being wonderful before he turned abusive for the next 3 years. Men like this are predatory and know exactly how to groom women into relationships with them. Count yourself lucky you've never experienced it and go find another thread to derail with your smugness.

No need for comments like this. These men dont show their true colours until they have you trapped in some way.

This is stalking and harassment and his behaviour is escalating. I'm sorry the police were not more help. Some posters recommend the Suzy Lamplugh trust for support for dealing with the police.

It sounds like you need to be explicit that you will only communicate re practicalities. Is there anyone who would be willing to act as an intermediary?

you can't self refer to MARAC and it's for high risk DV cases not this kind of harassing behaviour. Just FYI.

He sounds dangerous and unhinged with a potential to do serious harm.

Change your mobile number and only use your current one to communicate with him via a third party however, this maybe hard because I would be afraid of someone like him.

Keep meticulous records.

Have you got a ring camera? A body camera? Get these if you don’t.

Be vigilant and take care.

This may escalate quickly and sinisterly.

Call the police and report him for harassment. Say you want to press charges.

Meanwhile, get advice from Women's Aid on how to best communicate with him going forward.

He's harassing you.

You don't deserve this.

She has reported him and they don't view it as harassment.

Go back to the police and lodge another complaint

go and find a solicitor that does legal aid and possibly DV as they will likely be more clued up on harassment. So google solicitors in your area using those key word

80 messages in a day is harassment, with threats included

Op, @London22 gives good advice. Take it. You need that restraining order. It's time to get proactive and determined. It may save your life.

You need court ordered access as well.

And report every single instance of threat when it happens. Keep a diary of every communication.

Use one of the co-parenting apps to communicate with him or create an email address specifically for him that you only check once a week. Otherwise grey rock. Don't smile, don't laugh, don't engage in conversation except related to DC and even then, only what is strictly necessary. Organise handover in a public place.

Treat him like an extremely unpleasant customer. Cool, calm, brief.

Good luck.

Oh, do shut up.

If you had an ounce of intelligence, you would know the most charming man can turn nasty.

No one has a crystal ball.

For those who mentioned a family member maybe doing the hand over.. my family refuse to have anything to do with him

But at one point we did have his sister picking up and dropping the baby back home. For me this isn't an option anymore as the sister would message me and question me every time me and ex would have an argument. She became abit TOO invovled. She made me feel interrogated

Why are you even letting this unhinged man have access to your child?

I'd be refusing all contact and letting him take me to court.

How were you still arguing if his sister was doing the pick up and drop offs? You were clearly engaging with him enough to argue. Why?

Op, I don't mean this to be a go at you because I fully appreciate you are struggling and confused... but I have read many of your other threads and I suspect that you are being too wishy washy with him. This is pretty common so I don't blame you but I have seen it with my SIL as well. You are trying to engage nicely with him re the baby and, on some level, are trying to appease him to make him.behave better. Rather frustratingly therefore the police aren't taking you seriously.

Text him to say you want no contact except about specific logistics. Ignore all other messages. When you confirm baby arrangements add no extra detail "I will drop baby at yours at 9am". Do not explain yourself, do not attempt to be friendly etc.

Then when he continues to harass you, take this new message thread tp the police.

Yes that's it. I am trying to do it all as nicely ad possible but aren't getting the same respect back

Tell us you know nothing about domestic abuse without telling us you know nothing about domestic abuse...