I want to start by saying, my OH has so many issues mentally and completely lacks emotional understanding, empathy etc towards me, he has been depressed for a few years, he is literally a shell of a human, and so incredibly negative, he will stop taking medication, he struggles with memory significantly, organisation, he cant do basic things even when asked, he has 0 responsibilities at home, he's moods change constantly, he cannot function daily as a 32 year old, but he has to go to work of course, where he still cannot function, he has put us in large debts and when I tell him how I feel or try and speak he is a massive avoidant, he will literally walk away, or blankly stare, never actually discuss, he wont make simple changes to better his life, even leaving the house with him is extremely difficult, he seems to HATE just about every person on earth, and he is incredibly messy, for example he will forget to flush the chain, leave every drawer open etc.
For a while, I have had the brunt of all the above, completely alone, supported him in so many ways, and I care for 2 toddlers. I am absolutely heartbroken, that my voice does not matter, I have never had a thank you, I have done the entirety of xmas, he hasn't as much wrapped a present for his children, I have paid for everything, he earns triple what I do, but cant manage money. I have never had a birthday/ xmas / mothers day present or card, most years my friend comes with mothers day gifts while I sob, and he looks at me blankly, if I get frustrated, he feels I am attacking him, I feel like i cannot be a person, I feel like subconsciously, as a 'woman' he expects it all from me, I could absolutely sob, and he would walk out the room.
I feel like I am his brain at this point, like I have to be his full time carer, my child is going through an assessment, and I just cannot bear that I do not have the relationship everyone else has, with mutual respect, and some form
Of love and appreciation, he is constantly dragging me down with him.
If I leave him, he will probably kill himself, its awful but sometimes I just think, if your not capable of getting help and support and sustaining it, or you cannot do simple things, or be a partner or even a real person, then I am not even sure it makes sense for him to be on this planet.
My kids love there dad, and he is gentle with them, but they wont have what they need from him, I know I should leave, sometimes I think it is just me, but he will never express a feeling, I will probably never know, I hope it is me and he can be better without me
Has anyone been through similar