I think I have strong feelings for my best friend

[Xmaschoc]

I’m pretty sure my friend has feelings for me too. We are together almost 24/7. He does a lot for me. We touch each other affectionately. He’s extremely important to me. All my friends say it’s so obvious how he feels.

I’m online dating, so is he. He’s never made a move on me. He’ll also often say he never goes for women he really wants.

I can’t ignore this for much longer.

Do I say something? If so, what? I clam up every time I begin to even think about telling him.

Please help.

Say something. Ask him out on a date.

Good luck!

Match with him on the dating app and arrange a date

What a drama. Just ask him on a date. You don't need to 'tell him' anything, you just ask him on a date. Women can do that you know.

I can see why you might be worried, it would be a shame to ruin the friendship, BUT, what if he's your person? How amazing would it be to develop a loving relationship with someone you already know is a great friend. Yes there are risks but also amazing potential for a fabulous relationship.

I would just sit him down and tell him how you've been feeling, honestly and gently, and see what he says. Good luck!

Yes
Don't let him get into a relationship and then become 'that friend '

Tell him.
I did.
I remember crying to my flatmates, but what if it changes or ruins our friendship? And they very sensibly replied, if he didn't feel the same and I continued to, our friendship would be irrevocably altered anyway. So to just go for it.

We got married a year later and now have several DC and too many cats.

Feels like he might be your person.

Do you live alone? Invite him for a movie night. Or at his place If he lives alone. Otherwise a date.

Can you get a friend to say to him that they reckon you like him and see how he reacts?

Or get drunk together and snog him?

First idea is probably better 😂

I hope you get together 😊

It's probably all about preference but I think I'd get the ick for a guy that didn't have the balls to ask me out.

However, I'm attracted to confident men (not always a positive thing!). I'd hate to end up being the one driving the relationship.

My main motto is "if he wanted to, he would"

If it's not an issue for you go for it

Tell him that you wish there were more like him online and see what he comes back with

I think you may have a point here. I would like someone who is a go getter. If someone doesn’t have the balls to come and talk to me I will just assume he doesn’t want it enough.

I think OP should just find ways to encourage him.

This is easy. Easier still if you're both slightly tipsy.

I would not suggest a date. That would be weird. Crossing the line before you've had time to think about it would probably work better.

Make it clear that you're distracted by his body. At a moment when when eye contact would be expected, you're slow to react because you've been quite obviously taking in something else about him.

All of a sudden you're slightly shy around him. Or more confident. Whatever feels more natural. If you can do it without being weird about it, lean in and comment on how good his hair smells.

If you're doing anything together side by side,or if you're laughing or have just embarrassed yourself in some way, put your hand on his arm or shoulder fleetingly. Don't let on you notice yourself doing it. Basically you're trying to get it across that you can't help yourself.

Maybe comment that no one on the dating sites can hold your interest - you find yourself thinking "Bet you're not as funny as Bob", "I don't think you'd get me the way Bob does", "To be perfectly honest there is no one as attractive as you either".

He might need time to process this. He is obviously not impetuous and might want to think everything through before responding. So I wouldn't go in for a kiss unless he's very confident as a person.

If none of this is possible in your mind, option two would be to ask him if you can share a song that made you think of him. When he says "sure" you send 'hypothetically speaking'.

he’s very confident around women he doesn’t know, eg, can walk up to a woman in a bar

I guess he’s less confident around female friends - and we are extremely close now

we talk on the phone for hours, sometimes up to 8 hours, every day

he told me I was very important to him and has been complimenting me a lot on my clothes lately

he’s taken me to his personal appointments

he listens about my dating life and shows jealously

he organised a party for me recently

i don’t he knows how I feel…but im so scared if he doesn’t feel the same

I’d love to say something but I just can’t bring myself to, it’s so painful

Hmmm, looks to me he knows how to play women (I say this positively) and he very well knows you are into him. He just waits for the right moment before he makes a move to ensure he is not rejected.

I would say make him jealous. Tell him you are dating someone who is very into you and thinking of giving him a chance and ask his opinion. Obviously this guy should be tall, handsome, succesful, smitten with you 😄. Let’s see what he does. Tell him every single detail of your dates with this man and then after “3 dates” ask your friend: “do you think it’s too early to sleep with him? I haven’t slept with anyone for such a long time”.

Maybe it's the cynic in me but- Based on your updates I think I'd stay well away from him. 8 hours a day chatting? Sounds like a standard love bombing asshole. My bet would be he just wants you to want him. It isn't about liking you. It's just about narcissistic supply. Sorry but life shouldn't be this complicated. If you think he causes heartache now, it'll not be any better down the line I'd wager.

But, either grow a spine and give it 'so, are you going to ask me out or not?'. Or, put some serious distance between you. For heavens sake do something.

I have zero sympathy for the 'it's too painful' bullshit. Do you know how tough it is to find love in this day and age? And yet, the big wet blankets who potentially have it are whinging about it being difficult and just letting it go past them. Cry me a river ffs 🙄

He isn’t love bombing me at all
We have been friends for a while and he’s extremely supportive towards me

And I have dated around plenty and told him about it
I had a boyfriend for a few months and my friend was jealous and his voice used to crack whenever I talked about him

I think my friend has no idea how I feel
he calls me all the time, he takes me out to lovely places

I’m the one who talks about my dating life mostly

I am going to agree with you. Feels like he knows what he is doing and has wrapped her around his finger. “I can’t approach women I really like”. Oh please…..come on! While he has no problem to walk across the bar and talk to a woman he doesn’t know? Obviously knowing how charming he is?

OP, be careful here. Very careful.

OP, may I ask how old are you? And how old he is?

He can certainly sense how you feel. Also, NO man would spend 8 hours a day on the phone with a woman UNLESS he sees her romantically

Nothing to say love bomber can't be supportive.

Put it this way though op, If you asked for space, even just by round about saying 'I'm a bit busy, I'll call you next week', would he respect that? Or would he still be trying to talk to you 24/7?

Because that level of chatting...just isn't normal. Even if you were partners, normal people would surely say 'oh wait, maybe im taking up a bit much of their time'. Someone who needs to hold you on the phone so much, either has unhealthy boundaries...or, no respect for yours.

We are in our 40s
My feelings have come and gone for a few months now
Before I was seeing a man I was very into and was very upset when it ended

I think he would respect that request if I made it *Pinkbonbon *

I would be inclined, before asking him out, to test it. Tell him you're busy this christmas and so, won't be in touch much. But 'we must have a catch up' the day after boxing day if he's free.

See if he'll give you space till then. Besides a merry Christmas text of course.

I don't like the suggestions of game playing or making him jealous on here. But this isn't that. You need to be sure he isn't some narcissist who is only interested in you wanting him. Take a step back. See if he respects it. Or if he pushes the boundaries.

Maybe the distance will also encourage him to be more honest with his feelings when you next meet. Maybe he'll realise he wished he could have spent christmas with you. Then you'll have a bf for new year.