OH threatened to smash me with our sons pram

[RedandGreenBauble]

This happened a while ago but still sends me reeling. I find it hard to forget what he said. Our son had an appointment at a hearing clinic and we agreed that we would go to the park (next to the clinic) first. We were very early and got into a fight in the car as OH said that there was no time for the park and we would have to go straight there. DS already expected to go and play and we had 45/1 hour to kill. We had a fight in the car and I said it wasn’t fair on DS and OH wanted to just park up and wait in the car (30-45 minute wait) Again we fought, OH got the pram out of the car saying I had had my own way as usual, I was controlling etc. I defended myself then he whilst holding onto the pram said “if you don’t shut up I will pick up the pram and smash you across the face”

It’s played on my mind ever since. We were in a heated fight but his threat has stayed with me since. I play it out thinking i could have called the police, told a doctor in the hearing clinic or done something. Thanks for reading so far. I wasn’t completely innocent, I was shouting too and we both lost our tempers. Seeking opinions please.

Have you told him how you feel and how his words have stayed with you? Are you afraid of him?

He sounds revolting

Also, you might want to ask for it to be moved to relationships - AIBU can be a harsh place to post sometimes.

Neither of you are covered in glory - arguing in the car in front of your DS. His threat is apalling.

Is this usual behaviour? From both of you?

I would say he’s shown you his real side and he’s abusive, has there been other red flags in your relationship?

Everything about his behaviour was appalling. Wanting a (presumably) toddler to sit in the car outside a park for 45 minutes? What was the OP supposed to do, accept his unreasonable edict meekly so as to avoid an argument? He was wrong before he got to the threat - which is deeply horrific and terribly abusive.

All this in front of your child?
Appalling. From both of you.

It sounds an unhealthy and volatile relationship.
Your poor son deserves better.

She challenged unreasonable behaviour. He threatened her with extreme violence. But you want to blame both of them?

Nothing you could possibly have said or done would justify his threat or make it anything close to an acceptable or even understandable reaction.
I think you know that OP.
It's playing on your mind because it's such a shocking, disgusting and, frankly, terrifying thing to say.

I don't how you safely bring it back up if this was a while ago and hasn't been mentioned since. But I think you're going to have to do so. Couples therapy maybe?

Couples therapy maybe? - no decent therapist will offer couples therapy when one partner is abusive. It's not safe or recommended.

Honestly, a threat like that would make me leave. I wouldn't wait to find out if he was ever going to act on it.

That’s what the fight was about- his regular promises that we would take DS certain places and always right at the last moment deciding that he didn’t want to go or denying that we had that conversation to begin with. I admit that fighting in front of DS wasn’t good. He shouldn’t have seen that, I was basically begging him, we’ve promised DS, it’s not fair on him, he’s going to have a rough time at the clinic/it won’t be nice and the least we could do is let him run in the park, I even offered to take him on my own but OH said I would only give him hell if I did. He would never live it down etc.

So much worse from him. He threatened OP with physical violence.

He sounds like a violent disgusting bully. Your son and you deserve a lot better.

She disagreed with an unreasonable demand and he threatened to smash her face in…

He sounds like a horrible dad and an even worse husband.

Do you want to leave him?

I must admit that getting into a shouting fight about something as trivial as a park visit sounds toxic to me. Shouting like that in front of your child is also far from ideal.

but anyone who made a threat to me like that would never see my face again.

Many. Which I’m seeing how. Physical threats in fights - our relationship is volatile. During fights he’s threatened to pick me up and smash me against a wall. He’s never been physically violent and these threats are always when things are most heated.

When not fighting our relationship is calm and “normal”

So he insisted that you both sat still in the car for 45 minutes. You refused. He made that threat.

Honestly, OP, I think you should get this thread deleted - AIBU as you can see brings out some very ill informed and thoughtless responses. Then post it again in Relationships, but include all the detail here in your first post to make it clear. I think you will get great support and help over there.

That’s what shocked me. No one has ever threatened me like that before.

You'd be deeply shocked and saddened if a complete stranger threatened you in that way. It's all the more upsetting if your partner makes that threat towards you. You must be feeling very hurt.

How have you managed in your relationship since then?

I struggle to forget what he said. I doubt I can move past it.

He’s never been physically violent and these threats are always when things are most heated.

Threats. So more than once?
I think you need to plan a safe exit for you and your child.
We know how many women ( and children) are killed each year in Britain by a violent, volatile man. And your husband has proven he’s both.
Maybe start with talking to Women’s Aid?