OH threatened to smash me with our sons pram

[RedandGreenBauble]

This happened a while ago but still sends me reeling. I find it hard to forget what he said. Our son had an appointment at a hearing clinic and we agreed that we would go to the park (next to the clinic) first. We were very early and got into a fight in the car as OH said that there was no time for the park and we would have to go straight there. DS already expected to go and play and we had 45/1 hour to kill. We had a fight in the car and I said it wasn’t fair on DS and OH wanted to just park up and wait in the car (30-45 minute wait) Again we fought, OH got the pram out of the car saying I had had my own way as usual, I was controlling etc. I defended myself then he whilst holding onto the pram said “if you don’t shut up I will pick up the pram and smash you across the face”

It’s played on my mind ever since. We were in a heated fight but his threat has stayed with me since. I play it out thinking i could have called the police, told a doctor in the hearing clinic or done something. Thanks for reading so far. I wasn’t completely innocent, I was shouting too and we both lost our tempers. Seeking opinions please.

Hes threatened me before unfortunately but in a fight? Also tells me to go jump off a roof, play in traffic or oh why don’t you just k?@! yourself?

When not fighting he’s nice, kind, generous and affectionate, always saying how amazing I am and how much he loves me and can’t live without me.

Why would you stay with someone who makes threats of violence??

Put your child first and leave.

You need to separate. Your child will suffer lifelong trauma from living with this.

I don't think the park thing is trivial. It sounds really controlling, deliberately nasty to create an expectation then deny it for no reason, and it sounds like there's a pattern of him doing this.

He told you to top yourself? He sounds really nasty and potentially dangerous. Please leave. It isn’t fair on your little boy that he should grow up in a house with this going on. Do you have family you can stay with?

@RedandGreenBauble please speak to women’s aid your partner is abusive you need to find a safe exit out of the relationship not just for your sake but most importantly your little ones sake.

People who have never been in a relationship with someone like this will not realise that forcing the argument is part of the abuse. They will demand you do something unreasonable, often that adversely affects the kids. If you agree you have had a negative affect on the kids and if you argue back you still have.

My ex husband was exactly like this and ultimately I had to walk away for the kids' sake.

Control. The last part is to keep you hooked in, bonded to him.
He then has an “excuse” for his true, violent self —- I was angry, we were having a fight, you were shouting.
Violent men should never be near children— would you let your child witness similar behaviour at a friend’s house?
Violent men kill and what would happen to your child then?
He really does sound dangerous.

You need to make a plan to leave with your DS, in secret. Do you have your own money, separate bank accounts, a job? Trusted relatives who you could stay with?

He’s volatile and unstable and you know where this will end. Screaming in front of your DS is awful - get out now before it ends in violence and your DS learns this behaviour is acceptable.

He’ll tell you he’ll change and beg you to take him back. Do not be taken in.

Can you stop saying fight when you mean argument.

You both sound as bad as each other- stop arguing and shouting in front of your child. LTB.

I think you should leave him. You and your son deserve better. One day, threats and verbal abuse will become physical abuse. Couples therapy is a terrible idea, but you might benefit from individual therapy to help you work through this and avoid future abusive relationships (this isn’t personal to you, it’s common). I wish you the best.

He's disgusting. The fact that he can be nice, kind, generous and affectionate when he wants to makes it worse when he threatens you with violence. You must be walking on egg shells waiting for him to turn on you. That's no way to live and really damaging for your son.

Her husband is abusive. Stop saying that they are as bad as each other. He is threatening her with physical violence.

Yep agreed but she is shouting and arguing too - really badly in front of her child. We don't know what she is shouting and/or if she is threatening him too. Either way they need to split up.

I wasn’t threatening him. I was upset as DS was excited for the park and OH has a habit of going back on promises right at the last minute. I never threatened him.

But you argue all the time and shout in front of your son, and this isn't the first time he's threatened you. Don't give him anymore chances - leave.

Hes threatened me before unfortunately but in a fight?

Why are you minimising what he said because it was in a fight? That is when violent men will inflict violence, they are often nice the rest of the time.

It sounds like Domestic Abuse OP.

Have you spoken to Women's Aid or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline?

I think that you are having trouble forgetting about this incident because it was so horrific to threaten you like this, especially in front of your DS.

You say that he's not hurt you but threatening you like this is not normal.

Please seek help

I've been in a relationship like this - it will end - and he won't change as he's clearly emotionally unintelligent regarding your child at least.
I'm probably around 25years older than you and the only relationships that survive in my opinion, are those couples who learn how to speak respectfully to one another, and resolve conflict with maturity.

Listen to me very carefully OP. You NEED to leave.

Imagine waking up in your own house, safe in the knowledge that nobody is doing to threaten you, call you names, shout at you, make you feel awful. You wake up, you get DS, and you spend the day doing something nice that you've told DS you would do. DS is happy and secure. He knows that mummy will give him the day she promised, that nobody will shout, he knows exactly what to expect. This could be - and should be - your reality. You only have to reach out and make it happen, for yourself and also for DS.

Here is the other reason you should leave. If you don't, those threats will become action. He'll start hurting you in deniable ways - bashing into you as he goes past you, snatching things off you aggressively, pushing you out of the way, grabbing you too hard. Then he'll start breaking things, and the breaking will get closer to you - a smashed table in front you of, a smashed door punched through next to your head. Then he will hit you. And not only will that ruin your life, it will ruin DS's life too. He only gets one childhood, don't give him one where he has to witness the person who he loves most in the world be attacked and beaten by the other person he loves. There is just no healing that trauma, it's there forever. If he's lucky he'll access therapy and manage it, but he could easily fall into the same patterns. You don't want this.

Save yourself. Save your child. No man is worth this, surely. You might not see this now, but you deserve a life of safety, love and respect. Your DS deserves that life, too. You are the only person in the world who can make this happen. Leave the fucking bastard.

Your relationship is anything but calm and normal.
He needs to go and your not without blame either.
Poor child.

What was he proposing you all do in the car for 45mins if not the park?

@RedandGreenBauble maybe you don’t realise this, perhaps you’ve not witnessed functional, happy relationships in your life but regular fights that involve raised voices and threats of violence are not normal. In a relationship it should be the two of you vs the problem, you are a team, it should not be you vs him.

This does not sound like a safe or healthy environment for you or your children to be in.

So he's happy and nice to you when he's getting what he wants but if you challenge him he threatens you with violence or tells you to kill yourself? What a prince 🙄 I wouldn't stay with someone who threatened me and I wouldn't want my son growing up thinking this kind of behaviour is acceptable. You need to have a serious think about the relationship and whether it is healthy for you. Do you walk on eggshells around him? Do you feel scared when he's angry?

He sounds abusive and controlling.