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Original poster

Would you be annoyed if newish boyfriend lost your door key?

85 replies

Dovey22 · 17/12/2024 20:14

Boyfriend of 6 months, I’ve started leaving him my key to let himself in if he arrives a bit before I finish work or leaves after me. Today he was meeting me at a hospital appointment and I said to bring the key. After appointment he realises he can’t find the key, looked everywhere, said he maybe left it in the door (!) or it’s fallen out. I was already stressed today due to the hospital appointment, luckily it was all ok but I was definitely pissed off about the key and how it seemed pretty careless. It also triggered me because my ex husband was the biggest man child who needed reminded to lock doors/take key/turn off oven etc etc
anyway he felt I shouldn’t be annoyed as he didn’t mean to lose it, I couldn’t help that I was. Was I wrong to feel pissed off?

…it was in his pocket the whole time

OP posts:
Dotty87 · 17/12/2024 21:49

So he never actually lost the key, but didn't properly check for it until you'd already gone to fetch your spare?

I would be incredibly anxious about the possibility that he'd left the key in my door, whether the house was secure, and yes I'd be pretty annoyed.

He wouldn't be given a key until he can be trusted, but this crosses into man child territory, which would be pretty off putting.

Original poster
Dovey22 · 17/12/2024 22:03

Dotty87 · 17/12/2024 21:49

So he never actually lost the key, but didn't properly check for it until you'd already gone to fetch your spare?

I would be incredibly anxious about the possibility that he'd left the key in my door, whether the house was secure, and yes I'd be pretty annoyed.

He wouldn't be given a key until he can be trusted, but this crosses into man child territory, which would be pretty off putting.

Yes he never actually lost it. He went back to the house while I went to fetch the spare. But there was no panic about him that he may have lost the key or left my home unsecured, and seemed bothered by the fact I was pissed off

and for the previous poster I didn’t get angry mad but I did point out that this is only the 3rd or so time I’ve left the key out for him
ans the first time he’s had to take the key with him to meet me and he’s lost it right away and it’s quite careless when I’ve trusted him with it

OP posts:
missod · 17/12/2024 22:14

Are you sure he had it in his pocket OP? Any chance he told you that because he didn't want you to know it was actually left in the door?

whatcanthematterbe81 · 17/12/2024 22:37

Cricket, my husband must HATE me

Mumlaplomb · 17/12/2024 22:44

Would it be worth getting a key safe and leaving a key in there for him so he can get in but he doesn’t get to take the key away? We have one and use it for parents and eachother if we are going on nights out for example and worry we may lose an individual key

Dotty87 · 17/12/2024 23:10

@Dovey22 "Yes he never actually lost it. He went back to the house while I went to fetch the spare. But there was no panic about him that he may have lost the key or left my home unsecured, and seemed bothered by the fact I was pissed off"

This would bother me. It seems a pretty odd reaction, I would be mortified if i thought I'd lost my DP's key.

PullTheBricksDown · 17/12/2024 23:13

Mumlaplomb · 17/12/2024 22:44

Would it be worth getting a key safe and leaving a key in there for him so he can get in but he doesn’t get to take the key away? We have one and use it for parents and eachother if we are going on nights out for example and worry we may lose an individual key

Doesn't sound like he'd be reliable about putting it back in the key safe. It's OP's home, not his, and he doesn't have a right to be there - that was a favour that he didn't appreciate. So he can sit in a nearby Costa and wait for OP to get home now.

ThatTealViewer · 17/12/2024 23:20

Dovey22 · 17/12/2024 22:03

Yes he never actually lost it. He went back to the house while I went to fetch the spare. But there was no panic about him that he may have lost the key or left my home unsecured, and seemed bothered by the fact I was pissed off

and for the previous poster I didn’t get angry mad but I did point out that this is only the 3rd or so time I’ve left the key out for him
ans the first time he’s had to take the key with him to meet me and he’s lost it right away and it’s quite careless when I’ve trusted him with it

Show quote history

But there was no panic about him that he may have lost the key or left my home unsecured, and seemed bothered by the fact I was pissed off

Now this would make me furious. If he was super apologetic, that would be one thing. If he was blasé, then I’d be very cross indeed.

Pensionswew · 17/12/2024 23:25

OP, I wouldn't be giving him your key in future.
And yes if he lost it I would be very upset.
Its total ick territory.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 18/12/2024 00:00

I do stuff like that all the time, in fact I did it with my post box key this week, and I'm a nice person I hope no future bfs get mad at me for it!

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 18/12/2024 00:16

I would have a visceral reaction to this casual approach to my safety and security tbh.

My ex made a big deal about not having a key to my house (we were together a few years at this point). He never locked his own house, and despite it looking like a shithole from outside, it was full of expensive gadgets, iPads, posh headphones, Dyson hair stuff and fans, PlayStations and VR etc. It would have been a burglar’s dream!

Eventually I gave him my key, only to find that he would leave it in his car outside my house overnight. We had car break ins on a regular basis on our street and I explained how irresponsible it was to leave it in the car overnight, That night his car got broken into.

He would also walk into or out of my house and leave the front door open behind him.

Another time I went out and we’d had an argument. I told him to lock the door behind him when he left and put the key through the letterbox. I got home and the key was in the outside of the door.

Massive prick.

You can’t relax with someone like that around. If it becomes a pattern of him not taking your security seriously bin him off.

Edingril · 18/12/2024 00:21

Well i see a pattern of your partners not being the most mature then so not sure why you would be surprised really

RedHelenB · 18/12/2024 04:43

These things happen. No one is perfect. I think yabu.

daisychain01 · 18/12/2024 04:54

Dovey22 · 17/12/2024 20:27

A matter of weeks? It’s been about 26

Show quote history

Yes a matter of weeks. You're pissed off that you gave him a key that he lost, and the best solution to that is by preventing that situation from happening.

Your words were
But there was no panic about him that he may have lost the key or left my home unsecured, and seemed bothered by the fact I was pissed off

so he is more bothered by your response to his incompetence, with no signs of remorse, and yet you can't see that the brief amount of time you've been together is part of the equation - he isn't invested in your security!

Completely your choice, I'm just pointing out the reality but clearly you aren't in the zone to take on board common sense today,

MyBirthdayMonth · 18/12/2024 05:14

Stop giving him your key. He obviously can't be trusted with it.

Original poster
Dovey22 · 18/12/2024 07:10

daisychain01 · 18/12/2024 04:54

Yes a matter of weeks. You're pissed off that you gave him a key that he lost, and the best solution to that is by preventing that situation from happening.

Your words were
But there was no panic about him that he may have lost the key or left my home unsecured, and seemed bothered by the fact I was pissed off

so he is more bothered by your response to his incompetence, with no signs of remorse, and yet you can't see that the brief amount of time you've been together is part of the equation - he isn't invested in your security!

Completely your choice, I'm just pointing out the reality but clearly you aren't in the zone to take on board common sense today,

Edited
Show quote history

I’ve plenty of common sense thank you and I won’t be leaving him my key again.
but saying it’s a ‘matter of weeks’ relationship is just untrue and youre trying to imply that I’ve gave a boyfriend of a few weeks a key as if it’s so unreasonable and just to be catty, but this is mumsnet so there’s always going to be one isn’t there.

OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 18/12/2024 09:40

You've picked another manchild, OP. He's annoyed you are pissed off because you are meant to reassure him and sort it out in an uncomplaining fashion, like his mummy would. Are you sure this is what you want?

Pensionswew · 18/12/2024 09:44

OP, I think he sounds dim.
Can't mind a bloody key.
Ick.

daisychain01 · 18/12/2024 17:31

Dovey22 · 18/12/2024 07:10

I’ve plenty of common sense thank you and I won’t be leaving him my key again.
but saying it’s a ‘matter of weeks’ relationship is just untrue and youre trying to imply that I’ve gave a boyfriend of a few weeks a key as if it’s so unreasonable and just to be catty, but this is mumsnet so there’s always going to be one isn’t there.

Show quote history

It's a shame you don't realise I have nothing to lose or gain by pointing out the truth, as many others have on your thread. Catty is quite misandrist but I've got broad shoulders.

Ladyinbeds · 18/12/2024 18:10

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 18/12/2024 00:00

I do stuff like that all the time, in fact I did it with my post box key this week, and I'm a nice person I hope no future bfs get mad at me for it!

I agree with you! One of my exes borrowed my car, left keys in door and it got stolen. Didn't feel angry at all as he was a great guy. It was actually found a couple of weeks later, so all good in the end.

It's about intention isn't it. And I think perhaps we're more likely to misplace new things as they're not ingrained into our automatic routines and habits yet. Particularly keys if they're not on a notable keyring.

But I also understand that we can't control our visceral reactions to these types of things, because of all the other background stuff in life/relationships etc.

Oh and in case anyone is reading this - lanyards on all sets of keys is a gamechanger! It's much harder to lose keys when they're around your neck.

LeoLibra18 · 18/12/2024 19:51

I don't know if others have said this. But Honestly, CHANGE THE LOCKS. My ex said he lost my key and we broke up shortly after.... The key was never lost ... As far as I'm aware he never entered my property, we got back together and months and months and months later, he locked the door somehow. And I said I thought you lost the key? He said 'no I never'.... Well dodgy. Trust me. Change the locks. Immediately.

Original poster
Dovey22 · 18/12/2024 20:48

daisychain01 · 18/12/2024 17:31

It's a shame you don't realise I have nothing to lose or gain by pointing out the truth, as many others have on your thread. Catty is quite misandrist but I've got broad shoulders.

Show quote history

You aren’t pointing out the truth though. I haven’t just been with him a matter of weeks.
you’re trying to imply that im oh so irresponsible for daring to leave a key for a boyfriend to let himself im while I’m at work. It’s a serious relationship between two adults in their 40s. So yes catty.

OP posts:
Onlyvisiting · 18/12/2024 20:51

But he didn't lose it did he?
And if he did it would have been an accident, not like he gave it to someone else or did something reckless. I think you are overreacting.

Dealingwithatrexrightnow · 18/12/2024 20:51

Dovey22 · 17/12/2024 20:27

A matter of weeks? It’s been about 26

Show quote history

Get a key safe - he doesn’t need to carry it then

Probablyshouldntsay · 18/12/2024 20:56

I think not showing concern that he may have left your property unsecured is the biggest red flag. By six months in this man should be genuinely caring for you, care for your safety and your home and belongings, as well as your time and your brothers time. He didn’t give an F by the sounds of things.

I don’t think you’ll regret dumping him OP

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