Would you be annoyed if newish boyfriend lost your door key?

[Dovey22]

Boyfriend of 6 months, I’ve started leaving him my key to let himself in if he arrives a bit before I finish work or leaves after me. Today he was meeting me at a hospital appointment and I said to bring the key. After appointment he realises he can’t find the key, looked everywhere, said he maybe left it in the door (!) or it’s fallen out. I was already stressed today due to the hospital appointment, luckily it was all ok but I was definitely pissed off about the key and how it seemed pretty careless. It also triggered me because my ex husband was the biggest man child who needed reminded to lock doors/take key/turn off oven etc etc
anyway he felt I shouldn’t be annoyed as he didn’t mean to lose it, I couldn’t help that I was. Was I wrong to feel pissed off?

…it was in his pocket the whole time

lol bit much

Sorry, but wouldn't annoy me at all, mistakes happen. Although I am biased as I would be the one likely to lose the key!

Really depends on if this becomes a pattern or not, which you'll only know in time. If it's a one off, I'd let it go honestly. This stuff happens and it doesn't sound malicious. If it's a pattern, that's clearly more of a problem. I will say that I have dyspraxia/neurodivergent which went undiagnosed until adulthood, and during my childhood I would regularly lose keys etc, often other people's stuff they lent me. I would feel massively guilty and embarrassed for this, but I now realise that I genuinely struggle with object/spacial placement. Just to say that it might not be 'laziness' or cba, it might be a genuine mistake.

That being said, once I hit adulthood and got a bit more control over my life, I did realise that although dyspraxia isn't my fault, it is my responsibility to manage it as best as I can, especially in regard to other people's stuff. So I'll warn people in advance that I lose things often if they're lending me something. If they're lending me something irreplaceable/expensive, I'll take extra precautions not to lose it. For example, I'll designate it to a specific shelf in my house. I'll write down its exact location in the notes app on my phone, along with instructions to myself of how to get there in case I can't figure it out later on (e.g. if it's in a box which has a specific way of opening I might not naturally 'get' like other people). Or if it's keys, I'll get a massive keychain to put on the key, so it's easier for me to see and find.

How would having amother key cut have stopped him from nearly losing the key though?

Lol is it lol bit much for what lol if they all have a use lol

You do know you can get more keys cut, right?

If I lived alone I would have at least two so I always had a spare. We have a spare key that lives in the front door when we’re in and is used to lock it at night - that is also the one we lend to people who feed our cat when we’re away and is separate to the spares that we’ve left with a friend down the road and with my mum.

I would never want to have only one copy in the house, in case I lost it or it somehow stopped working.

My "newish boyfriend" would never get the keys,
talking 25 years ago.

My family live a 2 minutes drive away so I can get my spares quickly.

also if you lost your house key how can you get in to get your spare?

That’s my view, I wouldn’t want a lot of people to have a key to my house

I don’t just have 1 key for my house. I have spares with nearby family members. No locksmith needed.
the issue is him losing it and being careless

how bloody rude to say about being thick…pure troll. Reported

It would depend on his reaction to me. If he was genuinely apologetic and helpful in sorting a solution, I would give him another chance.

But if he was like a friend of a friend who turned up at a social event announcing that he had lost his girlfriend's debit card which he had borrowed because he had lost his own and just shrugged and said "you're going to have to cancel it", then no...

So now he'll have to wait till you get back. It's not the worst thing for him but it will give you peace of mind.

Yes, I would be annoyed, but not make a big deal of it if it’s literally the first time I’ve ever seen him being a bit ditzy. If it’s one of many he has no idea what he’s done with etc, that would be the last time he ever loses anything that’s mine.

DH locked the car key and both of our house keys in the boot of the car a couple of weeks ago. My dad had to drive an hour to get to us because my car key was in the house and we couldn't get in. It's annoying but it's a mistake. I think an individual key is easy to misplace, get a spare cut but for him to keep but for when you want to lend it to him and put a chunky keyring on it, it's get one of those coded key safes and just leave a key in there and then the key goes back in there it isn't carried around

I would be wondering if he faked losing the key to stress you out, but I'm a suspicious old boot that has had the misfortune of knowing some truly awful people. Was he apologetic at all or just huffing about you being worried OP?

I live on my own. Friends and family have spares
I also have my own spare keys because keys snap in locks. Keys get misplaced in the house. Keys fall into inaccessible places.

Does your boyfriend frequently lose his own key like this? Or was it just the key he wasn't bothered about?

He’s proved he can’t be trusted with a key, so as such no key in future.

She has more than 1, left with family members. She sensibly does not want him to permanently have a key to her home at this stage of relationship

Thank you!

You don't need to give him a key, but you could leave the spare key out for him rather than your key and still get it back each time. I have a spare key in a coded lock box by the front door maybe that could be an option.

Thanks- I will think about new arrangements but I’m not too bothered by the fact he lost my ‘only’ key. Even if it was my spare key I would be annoyed at the carelessness.
this thread isn’t about how I can make sure we both have a key

I am in my 40s and have never lost my house keys. That’s just not a thing that would happen.

I take your point about getting in to get a spare - I just think a spare is a good thing to have in case you need it, as it’s not like Timpson’s are open 24/7.

I wouldn't be annoyed about him losing the key, but I would be annoyed that he never even checked his pocket.
OP says her ex was a man child... I think she's got herself another one.
No judgement here as I made the same error with my last two boyfriends. Both useless numpties who will never learn because there's always a woman to sort out their problems for them. Thankfully I didn't give either of them a key to my house!

Understandable on both counts. Feeling pissed off is reasonable, I wouldnt but thats because I constantly misplace things. If someone else gave me their key I'd be checking I have it constantly. Is the biggest issue for you that he didn't care enough to know what he'd done with it or that he wasn't apologetic for his screw up, or both? Having things that trigger me because of my ex I do have to check sometimes if the intensity of my feelings is justified. Pissed off about this is understandable, but ragging anger not so much. I'm not suggesting you are feeling raging anger just what feeling things sometimes trigger because of my ex.