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Original poster

Partner told me bad news

62 replies

Boardyj · 15/12/2024 13:29

I have gone away for 3 days for a break I planned months ago. Yesterday my partner told me some news that has affected him and his family.

It has really got me down as yesterday was a special day planned to a place I enjoy and I feel he tainted it. He dropped this baggage on me knew about this on Friday. He could have told me late Friday evening but he was with his daughters in the day celebrating one of their birthdays.

I know it is important I listen to him which I would do. He told me the issue when I was at my special day out then says he won’t talk about it now as it is negative and I am to enjoy my day. I couldn’t really enjoy the day as much as I would after as it was draining and in my mind.

I know he needed to get it off his chest but I feel there was as an element of his week has been ruined so I am going to have a crap day too.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 15/12/2024 13:31

I suppose it depends on what it was but I doubt he told you with the intention of ruining your day.

You have the choice to dwell on what you were told and let it ruin your day or not.

Didsomeonesaydogs · 16/12/2024 14:26

He knew exactly what he was doing.

Otherwise, why mention it?

Spooky2000 · 16/12/2024 17:09

Didsomeonesaydogs · 16/12/2024 14:26

He knew exactly what he was doing.

Otherwise, why mention it?

Agreed. It's passive-aggressive IMO - "how dare you go away and have fun without ME!?".

healthybychristmas · 16/12/2024 17:16

Does he have a history of ruining your happy times?

slightlydistrac · 16/12/2024 17:27

Does he have form for ruining things you've been looking forward to?

Chowtime · 16/12/2024 17:29

As the others have said

Why do YOU think he waiting until your special week-end before telling you horrible news and was it news that could have waited until you returned?

litepop · 16/12/2024 17:33

I think it deserves what the news is:

eg one of his relatives dies or is seriously ill - doubt he planned that to specifically ruin your day, and I'd be annoyed if a long term bf didn't tell me just cos I was away for 3 days.

JustHiker · 16/12/2024 17:38

Depends on what the news way really. Does he have form for trying to sabotage things or is this out of character?

WeeOrcadian · 16/12/2024 17:41

What's the backstory here OP?

Mrswhatsit40 · 16/12/2024 17:42

Didsomeonesaydogs · 16/12/2024 14:26

He knew exactly what he was doing.

Otherwise, why mention it?

This. Sounds very narc-y.

ReachersAbs · 16/12/2024 17:46

I think I’m missing something here.

Unless I’ve misunderstood, partner a is on holiday, partner b had some bad news and told partner a about it.

Partner a is annoyed that this has spoiled their special day.

My initial response is that it’s shit timing but why is this about how hard it is for partner a rather than sympathy for partner b? Now I’ve read the replies and partner b is labelled a narc. I must be missing something. Is there a back story or is there a bit of the OP that I haven’t read?

HangingOver · 16/12/2024 17:50

It's natural to share big shocking news with those closest to you even if the timing is bad. If DP withheld something awful from me that he was going through I'd be really sad when I found out, to think of him going through it alone just to protect my "special" thing. You lean on eachother.

Ihopeyouhavent · 16/12/2024 17:53

Without knowing the news, impossible to day.

ClicketyClickPlusOne · 16/12/2024 17:57

Either the news is not that upsetting that there was no need for it to ‘ruin’ your day
OR
It is very very upsetting and your DH needed support.

Maybe he is a passive aggressive holiday wrecking inconsiderate narc,

Maybe you are making it all about you.

Moier · 16/12/2024 17:57

Does anyone else get annoyed when we don't know the whole situation? It's like someone tearing out the last page of a really good book.

PromoJoJo · 16/12/2024 18:20

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

WillowTit · 16/12/2024 18:23

Cant decide how i feel about this
perhaps they wanted to get it off their chest

Echobelly · 16/12/2024 18:23

Yeah, a lot to have to read into here.

For example, if he learned he was being made redundant today, then obviously he'd tell you. If he knew last week but waited to tell you until just before you went away, he was being an arse about it.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 16/12/2024 18:25

Yes , he was selfish.

Unless it was urgent he could have waited.

Not nice of him.

WillowTit · 16/12/2024 18:25

how dare he have bad news!

DoggoQuestions · 16/12/2024 18:28

I can't imagine waiting to share news with a loved one, particularly DH, whether good or bad!

itsmylife7 · 16/12/2024 18:31

Didsomeonesaydogs · 16/12/2024 14:26

He knew exactly what he was doing.

Otherwise, why mention it?

Exactly my thoughts.
It's so selfish to do that to someone.

I'd be so pissed off.

WickedlyCharmed · 16/12/2024 18:31

So he knew this news on Friday, but he didn’t tell you then, as he was too busy out with his daughter having a good time, celebrating her birthday.

So it wasn’t that upsetting for him then?

He chose to dump on you the next day, Saturday, knowing you’d planned a special day out that day.

He knew exactly what he was doing. I bet if you look back now, you’ll find that he’s got form for spoiling events or special days and occasions for you, or at least making them all about him.

LaurenAction · 16/12/2024 18:37

He told me the issue when I was at my special day out then says he won’t talk about it now as it is negative and I am to enjoy my day.

The fact that he won't talk about it after dropping it on you sounds really rather manipulative and intentional. What's he like on your birthdays or any other occasion that's more about you than him?

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 16/12/2024 18:38

WickedlyCharmed · 16/12/2024 18:31

So he knew this news on Friday, but he didn’t tell you then, as he was too busy out with his daughter having a good time, celebrating her birthday.

So it wasn’t that upsetting for him then?

He chose to dump on you the next day, Saturday, knowing you’d planned a special day out that day.

He knew exactly what he was doing. I bet if you look back now, you’ll find that he’s got form for spoiling events or special days and occasions for you, or at least making them all about him.

Edited

But telling your chukdren is very different to telling you adult grown up life partner. Of course he may hold it in and not tell his kids. But that may make the emotion even stringer as you work hard to do that. Would you have wanted him to sit on it for 3 days whilst you had fun OP? Let him talk to you, then go and have fun, let him.talk to you some more. I think that's how most fo my close friendships work, let alone partners. You make space for then when they need you most . It doesn't mean you can't then attend to your own needs too.

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