Found out he's been sexting another woman

[Kittysparkleblue]

Found out partner of 1 year has been sexting another woman. The msgs are very explicit. Videos ,photosnthe lot. She has willingly shown me all of the screenshots.
He told he was single. She found out from a mutual friends birthdays party post on FB that showed photos of him and I together that indeed he was not single.
She did some stalking and found me ( thank fully) he does not know I know. She has left it to me to do as I wish with the messages.
He has no idea.
I found out this morning. He has msg the normal hi how are you today , chatty msg , I haven't even opened it. That was at 12 pm.
At the moment I doubt he will notice I'm being different as some days I don't get a chance to msg till late afternoon evening due to my job etc.
Time is ticking on he will start msging and calling if I do not open the msg or respond by this evening.
Advice please , how should I play this?

I have an idea to meet for a coffee and end it tomorrow take time off work ( he is self employed so easy enough to do) I can swap my shifts so not a problem.

I really do not want to end it over msgs , I want to see his face, and see how much he is willing to lie to me.
Want to do it face to face for my own clarity amd closure.

Please give me the strength not to msg him about this tonight.
I am truly heartbroken, however I know I will be alright.
We had christmas planned together as both of our own children have christmas with the other parent this year. It is my birthday on Saturday, stuff all planned together.

I am done I will never ever trust this man again. I feel sick.
He was or I though he was the kindest , most well rounded decent man I had met.... boy was I wrong here!!!

I’m so sorry to hear this. Definitely cut the cord before your birthday. Only you know if in person is the right way to do it for you, but until you decide that you need to be relentlessly practical in your approach. Try and book in a coffee catch up as you say - but make sure that you have a friend to meet after the deed is done and that you aren’t due into work because you need some time to lick your wounds. The new year isn’t just around the corner, there are better things coming for you than this hopeless selfish pig. Onwards and upwards. X

I'm sorry OP that's a terrible shock.

I wouldn't bother wanting to see his face or anything else, I would just finish it via phone call. Then block him on everything and move on.

You might not see it now but she's done you a favour as he'd obviously pulled the wool over your eyes. He's probably cheated all along.

I'm in two minds right now with what to do and how to do it. My mind keeps switching. I'm not sure what to do as in end it face to face or just call him.

Thank you, my heart is pumping I'm on high adrenaline right now . It is a horrible feeling. I doubt I'll get any sleep tonight

You've only been together a year. He didn't confess to his cheating, you only know as the OW messaged you. Stop painting a fairytale of how Christmas and the future looks as he has destroyed it. He doesn't love you or respect you.

Respect yourself and move on x

Leave it for tonight then, I know it’s hard but you need some distraction techniques to help you drift off. Turn OFF your phone, line up some naff silly stuff to watch on telly/computer, take a long bath and get an early night. Then in the morning sort out your work rota and sort out when a friend can be with you directly AFTER meeting him, if indeed you do still decide in the morning to do it face to face. I am not certain face to face is the best idea, but only you know you. Just remember, most importantly, that none of this is your fault and even though it doesn’t feel it now, you will be a million times better off without him. Find your fire and your power and advocate for YOU. You’ve got this. X

I fully intend to
Just not sure whether I want to do it face to face or not. How would you do it?

Personally, making the effort to meet him in person is something I would only do for someone that deserved that level of respect. He's lost that right. I wouldn't say anything and would forward him one of the screen shots you have. If you want to speak to him, phone him, but what can he really say that would help? You know he is a liar snd won't trust what he says. I do appreciate speaking to him may give you the peace to move forward. Sooner it's done, the sooner you can draw the line and move on. So sorry this has happened, it's a crappy thing to do X

I guess it depends on your set up. Ie do you have house keys, stuff at each others houses etc as to how I'd end it.

Curiousity would get the better of me so I'd want to see how much they'd confess to so would probably text drip feed information asking questions like 'have you always been faithful to me? I think you have some explaining to do' and drip feed to see how much he squirms. I imagine this would help me know he is a liar and that id never be able to trust another word that comes out of his month.

Good luck x

I wouldn’t rearrange your work schedule etc to go and meet him, you don’t owe him anything.

I personally would message or call to say you know, that you are no longer interested in continuing the relationship, then sort out how / if you need to return personal items.

Then no contact.

I get why you’d initially think to meet him face to face and confront him….. but I also agree with others that my ceasing all comms, blocking him and just ending it and then literally not engaging at all would probably be the most painful
to him!!

Agree with others don't give him your time or energy to meet in person. Send him screenshots...

Book yourself a nice massage or pamper treatment tomorrow and take some time to yourself!

What a fucker

Send him the screenshots and message “It’s over do not contact me again”. Then immediately block him everywhere. Get a video doorbell if you think he may turn up at the house. Change the lock if he has a key.

He doesn’t deserve a face to face meeting. There is no point prolonging it.

What would you find it really satisfying to see a friend in your situation do? You want to be able to look back and be proud of the way you dealt with it.

I like to think I'd forward the worst of the screenshots with a very brief message along the lines of "don't contact me again" and then block.

Don’t use your precious energy meeting him. You might get a moment of satisfaction when he knows that you know, but will also leave you with a really upsetting memory. You don’t need that so close to your birthday and Christmas.
It has been a year, and you have found out who he really is. I would message him and say you don’t wish to be in a relationship with a cheater and that you are done.
You don’t know him at all. If you meet up he might try and talk you round or he could also turn nasty if he feels humiliated.
Protect your own safety and sanity OP. You know what he has done is vile. End it and block him.
You deserve better in every way!

I wouldn't even waste my breath confronting him.

Just text and tell him you're just not feeling it any more. Dump him.

I'd end by text. There's nothing he can say.

<name> , our relationship is over. Don't call me again.

He does not deserve the respect of a face-to-face discussion. Make new plans with people worth your time.
Send a copy of one of the screenshots, write "Don't contact or visit me again" then block. And get yourself a medical checkup if required.

Well he can go and fuck off can't he? Don't be a mug OP. A year in and he's already at it. Chuck it back in the swamp. He sounds vile

If the evidence you have is irrefutable, what does it matter if he would continue to lie to your face? He's cheated, lied by omission - what more could you gain from meeting him? Do you think hearing his side will give you closure? Or are you secretly hoping that he'll have an excuse /explanation that would exonerate him, if you met in person?
More likely he'd either make you feel worse if you met him by lying / not caring what he's done, or he'll weasel his way out of it and you'll find your self back here in a few months when he's done it again.

I'd end it by text.
Send him a couple of the screenshots, and say something like 'I naively believed you were someone I could love and trust. I have lost any respect I ever had for you. It's over".

Send him some of the screen shots she gave you....

Then don't say anything

I'd just message 'Well Well, Jim there something you probably should have told me about?' And let him shit himself.

Watch as the panic grips him xD

Maybe play with it a bit. Don't respond to anything he sends for a while. Let him almost give the game away and then be like 'I saw your mum yesterday and she said you don't even like marshmallows in your hot chocolate, even though you assured me you did the other week'. Let him sign in relief.

And then add 'oh yeah, and you're shagging someone else'.

Then 'bellend' then, block

Don’t change your work schedule and waste needless energy on him.

Let him message you again or phone you. When he does send him the screenshots and then block him.

Then onwards and upwards.

I’d just send him the screenshots and leave it at that.

I would message him saying sorry, I am just not into you anymore. Then block on everything.