Husband watches Fb reels with half naked women

[Bubusssss88]

Hi everyone. I just really needed someone else’s opinion on something that I feel sad/ embarrassed to talk about with family, friends 🥺

So my hubby is looking at fb reels randomly and shall I say underdressed women as they pop up.. he isn’t specifically searching for them
(I accidentally saw him from the back as I came back from upstairs) but will linger around when one of these half dressed girls pops up and look at them. What would you say, do, in a situation like this? I’m 3 months pregnant so I might be overreacting but I just feel awfully hurt by this .

feel dumb even asking strangers in the internet but right now I just needed someone to talk to . Xxx

I'm a 49 year mother in relationship spanning a couple of decades. I agree with him.

I think this is ridiculous as an analogy, as these women are choosing^^ to dress like this. Maybe for the male gaze, maybe not. But it's not porn. Porn is completely banned on Facebook and instagram. He's scrolled and seen some women dressed in small clothing and lingered for a bit to watch it. Humans are programmed to find other people attractive. I think it's insanely controlling to try and patrol the bloke with how much he 'lingers' on a post. He's not watching pornhub in front of the OP. If a woman posted on here that her boyfriend was controlling how much time she 'lingered' on an Abercrombie & fitch post or a magic mike advert, he'd be called controlling and abusive.

I think that of the OP and those agreeing with her.

Same same except a little bit younger, and so do I.

Also, entirely gratuitously, here is CapAss, which was definitely not spread across the entire internet by women who like looking at men.

Of course I’d listen to her POV.

I think it’s important to remember, that in OP’s scenario, she saw him looking at reels and was upset about it. He wasn’t to know that looking at likely quite tame reels would be upsetting for her and we would all hope I’m sure that once he knew they upset her, he would be more careful with either what he watches or ensure he watches them in private.

However, if I was in the same scenario and my partner didn’t like it, I would explain calmly that it’s Facebook algorithms and all I’m watching is fitness videos or whatever else it was.

I’ve never once gone to FB reels for a wank, and I know know one else who has done either, ( so sorry to be crude! ) so I can hand in heart say OP’s DH was not on there getting any kind of sexual kicks.

if anyone wants to PM me any kind of semi-pornographic screenshots of Facebook reels, I will gladly come back on here and apologise but I am yet to see any which would warrant a partner to be upset about FB reels.

Thankyou both.

I sometimes receive random reels, I know DP got some magic Mike reels. He was like how annoying...

You are of course 'allowed' to watch them, but it might turn a partner off you.

Heterosexual 40 year old males genuinely interested in fitness would be more interested in videos of men doing the exercises, as opposed to women.

My ex is a similar age and his fitness reels are men doing the exercises, mine are women....because they tend to focus on different things.

It only wants to show you those because that's what you've engaged with, if you engaged more with the male fitness content that's what it would show you.

My partner does and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. If an attractive man appears on a reel, I'll happily gawk. My partner doesn't get jealous and neither do I.. because we trust each other and are open about what we find attractive. It's not like he's cheating by looking at another women, it's human nature. Let loose a bit, people are far too uptight about things nowadays.

Completly get your point; and i’m not going to argue with you, tbh I’m bored of this now, but, I can honestly and genuinely say I have never engaged ( liked or commented ) on any of the female fitness videos yet Facebook shows me more of them then men, and yes, I probably do watch the men’s ones over the woman’s as they are more relevant to me.

If he’s not actively looking for them, it shouldn’t be a problem, as others have said, facebooks algorithms do this kind of thing, I get them on my account but I don’t go looking for them, hopefully it’s absolutely nothing

I’m sorry @ICarriedTheWatermelon i have really tried hard not to bite at this but I can’t not say anything.

I came onto mumsnet in the summer of 2020 after I lost my partner of five years to breast cancer after a 18 month battle. I came on here for support and guidance which I was given in droves and am
still thankful for the help and support I got.

if you have any doubts that I am anything other than a genuine nice human I can assure you your opinions are unfounded:

I fully acknowledge this is a forum predominantly used by woman but, it is open to all.

although a man’s opinions on subjects such as this, porn or money may differ from the average woman’s POV it is still important to hear both sides to an argument and as long as posts are written constructively ( as I think mine have been for the most part ) a man on this forum can offer valuable advice to others .

@jinglemybells85 I'm really sorry to hear about your partner. That's such a tragic and brutal thing to happen. I agree that Mumsnet can be great as a supportive place for everyone, ideally, when things go well. I wasn't trying to shout you down, but I thought the OP might need a different kind of support.

Thankyou @MoonbeamsGlittering

You weren’t shouting me down ar all, your posts were well constructed and gave a valuable viewpoint.

Nah I don't like it, keep your standards high OP.

Heterosexual 40 year old males genuinely interested in fitness would be more interested in videos of men doing the exercises, as opposed to women.

Which is interesting as I hate watching women doing exercises and prefer male fitness trainers. As a hetro 45 year old female surely I should be more interested in women.

You're a hypochondriac.

I think the difference is , watching a same sex video workout makes more sense logically as you can relate to that person doing that exercise.

however, our brain is ; and society to some degree, is programmed to visually enjoy watching that same video of the sex we are most attracted to. It does not however mean we are lusting over them…

If I was to sit at my desk at work and colleagues saw me watching men working out, I’d be laughed at. If i was watching a female doing the same routine then it would be a different story.

And Facebook knows this. They know that men will generally be more inclined to watch a woman workout over a man, whereas to a slightly lesser degree, a woman will be more inclined to watch a male workout.

Of course I have no proof of this, and this is only my opinion, and is not a fact.

I think the difference is , watching a same sex video workout makes more sense logically as you can relate to that person doing that exercise

Why? Someone doing a deadlift is someone doing a deadlift. Ovaries are not involved in the technique. I really don't require an exercise coach to share my genitalia.

Simple, a man and a woman are built differently, a muscualr man doing a deadlift will showcase certain muscles than a woman can’t . Therefore the man watching will be more likely to think ‘ I want muscles like that man ‘

it somewhat contradicts my previous statement, it’s all very confusing!

Thank you everyone. I’ve literally read every single comment and I still do feel disrespected, disappointed in him, and just disgusted over all. This whole thing is on my mind pretty much daily when I look at him even when he is the sweetest. For context this is type of things I saw, girls partying in Dubai doing all sorts of provocative dances, women from the back in very tight gym wear. Honestly I just feel broken, for some I understand this might be nothing but I can’t get rid of it, always on my mind.

OP you said earlier in the thread that you feel stupid and unattractive, have you felt this way for some time or has it only started since you fell pregnant? Have you spoken to your partner about this and if so, what has he said?

If you are feeling broken and unhappy it's something you need to communicate to your partner and work on it together.

@vibratosprigato its just that I never thought of him doing this, especially not now. I’m pretty happy with myself but this revelation just made me question myself if I’m good enough or what? Or why is he looking at these things? I certainly don’t look like any of these girls, not particularly the revealing ‘type’ if I can say that.. maybe that’s the reason, curiosity on his part? It’s always been the reason why he loved me - his type was the cute/sweet/modest girl.., and now this is completely the opposite

You will always feel insecure with men like this and the thought of getting naked with them is a turn off. Then they wonder why we don't want sex..