Is there any point in a 2nd date if you didn't feel anything after the first?

[MistletoeMoments]

I'm new to the dating scene after a very long marriage. Not sure if I'm even ready to date, but I thought I'd join a site and see what happened.

I got talking to someone and we got on well. Had similar interests, so I thought, and connected well. Had our first date this afternoon.

I didn't really feel anything leading up to it. Not excited or nervous. Just kind of meh. We met, and got on well. Conversation flowed but still I didn't feel anything other than he's nice to talk to. There were also a few points about his personality that I thought were incompatible with mine I.e. he prefers staying in, I like going out. He wants to start a business which would effectively run itself so he doesnt have to work. I'm a workaholic in a job I love.

He also pushed a kiss on me outside the café which I wasn't really into, and it made me feel a bit uncomfortable.

He's keen though and wants to take me on a 2nd date. I think I've answered my own question here already but, would I be wasting his time and mine? Is there hope of anything emerging if I didn't feel it on the first date?

god no I wouldn’t waste my time

Personally I would try one more time.
Many years ago, I met someone after a night out, we went on a date a week later and I thought "nope not for me" but he asked me for a second date...long story short we are 16 years and 2 kids down the line!
Even now we are very different in a lot of ways but it works.

Forcing a loss on you is a warning sign. That's not okay

I watched a program on Netflix. It was a Jewish matchmaker that basically said you date until you have a definite no or yes if it’s just I don’t know then date again until you know for certain and that way it really eliminates because not everybody falls in love at the beginning and it’s wouldn’t you get to know somebody’s personality then you get the true sense?

Yeah that's been playing on my mind. When we walked out of the café he said "I hope you don't mind, but I don't consider it a successful date without a kiss", and he kissed me on the lips before I'd even registered what was going on. I laughed and pulled away from him, then he leaned back in and kissed me again. Just a peck on the lips but, as I said, it did make me uncomfortable.

Yeah, that's what I'm not sure about. I felt that same "meh" feeling before the first date with my husband, so maybe it's me and not him?

Eeww that's so cringe! And would make me feel like a number.

I think you always know if you don't want to see someone again but if you're not sure then have a second date. I had a first date and I wasnt overly fussed, but on date number 2 I looked at him and thought, blimey, you're gorgeous lol.

No, I never do a second if I'm not sure, I have to feel excited about seeing them again. I did settle for my exh, I won't do that again.

Well , I'd run a mile from someone who basiy se rally assaulted me after the first date. It's not "report to the police" level but it's hideous and inappropriate.

I've been out of the dating game such a long time, I don't know if a kiss is expected on the first date.

But even so, it was the first time we had ever met face to face, and he never waited for me to say yes or no!

If you're not sure, there's no harm on a second date, and just seeing if you feel differently. If you still feel 'meh', then other than a couple of wasted evenings, you've not lost anything as such. Sometimes people can be complete opposites, but it just works. On the other hand, a second date, may confirm to you, that you really aren't compatible.

No because of the kiss - massive red flag.

But I will add that after my first date with my husband I was feeling like I really wanted him as my best friend. He was such good company.

Second date….I fell in love. Married 17 years now.

No, I wouldn't see him again and I reckon if you spoke to every woman he'd ever dated you'd find he's done exactly the same thing.

He didn't come across as a serial dater but it was a rather odd comment to make "I don't consider it a successful date if..."

I wasn’t that taken by my DH when I met him. I’d been dating a while and was probably a bit hardened to it all. It took me quite a while to actually connect with him if I’m honest. Others I went on a few dates with and became more sure they weren’t the one. DH I drifted on with for a bit and am now ten years on and madly in love!

Ordinarily if I don't feel a 'spark' on a first date, I don't bother with further dates.

HOWEVER.

I recently had a first date that wasn't particularly 'sparky' but he then asked me out on a second date and I have said yes.

So let's see.

Maybe I need to be more open minded.

I would say no because of the forcing a kiss on you. And yes, what a weird thing to say.

You did feel something, you felt:
Meh

And then later, uncomfortable

Plenty of stories I've heard are that the second date is where things happen and decision are made. Sometimes, the second date is the killer but for most, events intercede and the result catapults the couple into real situations which reveal true colours.

e.g. : A colleague tells of being on a second date when someone local phoned to ask if she could sort their dog. Said colleague and date sort the dog and then have a lovely dinner in the nearest (to dog) pub. Years down the line, they have bought a place together and are going strong but the 'dog sorting' incident helped them both see how lovely they are and without it, my colleague would never have moved forward with said date.

If you were truly neutral about it, it would be good to try again, but not with someone who doesn't think you get a say in whether you get kissed.

He forced a kiss so absolutely not.

If it wasn't for the kiss I'd have said yes go on a second.
If you aren't sure either way then it's good to see what a second holds and is good experience too.
But the kiss bit would make me say not a good idea as what might he expect on a 2nd.

No whats the point. You either fancied him or you didnt, if you had to ask yourself its a no.

No - the kiss thing alone would put me off. But love to know what business he's thinking that will earn him money without him putting any effort in!
First time out and you should feel at least a little frisón!