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Original poster

Is there any point in a 2nd date if you didn't feel anything after the first?

52 replies

MistletoeMoments · 07/12/2024 18:29

I'm new to the dating scene after a very long marriage. Not sure if I'm even ready to date, but I thought I'd join a site and see what happened.

I got talking to someone and we got on well. Had similar interests, so I thought, and connected well. Had our first date this afternoon.

I didn't really feel anything leading up to it. Not excited or nervous. Just kind of meh. We met, and got on well. Conversation flowed but still I didn't feel anything other than he's nice to talk to. There were also a few points about his personality that I thought were incompatible with mine I.e. he prefers staying in, I like going out. He wants to start a business which would effectively run itself so he doesnt have to work. I'm a workaholic in a job I love.

He also pushed a kiss on me outside the café which I wasn't really into, and it made me feel a bit uncomfortable.

He's keen though and wants to take me on a 2nd date. I think I've answered my own question here already but, would I be wasting his time and mine? Is there hope of anything emerging if I didn't feel it on the first date?

OP posts:
Original poster
MistletoeMoments · 07/12/2024 21:17

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and experiences. Unfortunately there was no spark or frisón (love that word!) and I didn't fancy him.

Should I tell him the kiss thing gave me the ick, or just apologise and move on?

OP posts:
everychildmatters · 07/12/2024 21:18

Definitely if not sure...I ended up marrying him!!! ❤️
However, think the kiss was a definite no-no this time.

Freeflight · 07/12/2024 21:24

I'd you don't want to meet then I'd be polite and say that it was nice meeting but you didn't feel a spark and don't feel it makes sense to meet again. And then wish him luck.

SueFielding · 07/12/2024 21:38

Freeflight · 07/12/2024 21:24

I'd you don't want to meet then I'd be polite and say that it was nice meeting but you didn't feel a spark and don't feel it makes sense to meet again. And then wish him luck.

Yes short and sweet is the way to go.

No need to mention the kiss thing. End of dates are so awkward. A kiss can be wrong, a kiss on the cheek can be a bit grandma-ey, and no kiss can be a but cold. Hard to judge.

Bittenonce · 07/12/2024 21:50

Freeflight · 07/12/2024 21:24

I'd you don't want to meet then I'd be polite and say that it was nice meeting but you didn't feel a spark and don't feel it makes sense to meet again. And then wish him luck.

This. Definitely no apology! And don't invite debate or discussion.
You'll find your frisson before long I'm sure 😃

Waterboatlass · 07/12/2024 22:03

I'd just say nice to meet you but no thanks. Kiss sounds ill judged and off putting in the way it was introduced but I wouldn't get into that.

Waterboatlass · 07/12/2024 22:03

Definitely don't apologise. For what?

Dery · 07/12/2024 23:18

If it weren’t for the kiss, I would say - go for it. I think good things can grow from a slow start. But the kiss - that is really out of order and shows a worrying attitude towards women. I wouldn’t date him again because of that.

DucklingSwimmingInstructress · 07/12/2024 23:21

Should I tell him the kiss thing gave me the ick, or just apologise and move on?

Neither. Just say what @Freeflight suggested!

Lighteningstrikes · 07/12/2024 23:25

The kiss thing would put me off.

I can’t stand pushy men.

Saphire123 · 07/12/2024 23:38

I agree with most, the kiss was yuck.

DebOnDating · 07/12/2024 23:50

The meh part is fine. Only teenage girls meet a guy and get butterflies and all that crap. Unrealistic Disney nonsense to think you can connect with anyone realistically like that.

However, the kiss thing is weird. You should text him and say I want to let you know that I don't normally kiss on a first date and was taken aback that you were so forceful just because that is YOUR position. You never asked me if i was comfortable with that or not, then you did it again. You owe me an apology."

This is a test. If he gets defensive and justifies his position to use your body as he likes, block him without even saying goodbye. If he apologizes profusely and vows never to take such liberties again, try date #2 if you want. But under any circumstances you must communicate to him that his behavior was inappropriately forward and off putting for YOU, which made the date unsuccessful in your eyes.

Peckhaminn2 · 07/12/2024 23:55

Yes. I found my DP very attractive but didn't get that initial 'buzz' you expect to feel. Thought this won't go anywhere but I gave him another chance and we've been together 6 years. Best decision. He's a kind, hard working man and happily does his share of the chores plus he's very handsome. Couldn't ask for anyone better.

DebOnDating · 08/12/2024 03:57

The meh part is fine. Only teenage girls meet a guy and get butterflies and all that crap. Unrealistic Disney nonsense to think you can connect with anyone realistically like that.

However, the kiss thing is weird. You should text him and say I want to let you know that I don't normally kiss on a first date and was taken aback that you were so forceful just because that is YOUR position. You never asked me if i was comfortable with that or not, then you did it again. You owe me an apology."

This is a test. If he gets defensive and justifies his position to use your body as he likes, block him without even saying goodbye. If he apologizes profusely and vows never to take such liberties again, try date #2 if you want. But under any circumstances you must communicate to him that his behavior was inappropriately forward and off putting for YOU, which made the date unsuccessful in your eyes.

DramaAlpaca · 08/12/2024 04:12

Oof, no. The kiss would be totally off putting.

IknowIputitsomewhere · 08/12/2024 04:18

"I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to do it whether or not you do."

Surely, that is your answer right there. I can't believe so many people are saying you should give him another chance. And no, definitely do not apologise when you dump him. Just block and move on.

KittenPause · 08/12/2024 04:54

Quite often there is yes

Pinkbonbon · 08/12/2024 05:06

'I hope you don't mind' - so he knew you might not be into it and kissed you anyway. Yuck. Boundary pushing creep.

So, absolutely not.

If that hadn't happened though, I normally try a second date if I like them but I'm not sure if I fancy them. But if I'm honest, my first instinct has never changed for the better on date two. If I didn't think I was into them on date one, it never changed.

Happyinarcon · 08/12/2024 05:19

I wouldn’t jump to conclusions about the kiss. A lot of guys are worried that if they don’t make some kind of physical move early on they will wind up in the dreaded ‘friend zone’ forever, where a woman grows comfortable with them as a friend but then can never see them as a romantic partner. It’s probably tough to get the timing exactly right and it sounds like he jumped the gun.

Pinkbonbon · 08/12/2024 05:22

Happyinarcon · 08/12/2024 05:19

I wouldn’t jump to conclusions about the kiss. A lot of guys are worried that if they don’t make some kind of physical move early on they will wind up in the dreaded ‘friend zone’ forever, where a woman grows comfortable with them as a friend but then can never see them as a romantic partner. It’s probably tough to get the timing exactly right and it sounds like he jumped the gun.

No one (sane) is worried about that one date in though.

Also, there's been a big shift in recent years whereby men are extra cautious now. So if he's still that forwards on a date, guarantee he's a creepy git.

kittybiscuits · 08/12/2024 05:31

'I don't want to pursue this, thanks'.

OP I don't think you didn't feel anything, I think you're actively having a strong negative reaction to him and you need to learn to trust yourself.

HappyTwo · 08/12/2024 05:31

I would have said go on 2nd even if it’s for dating practise if you get on - but him forcing a kiss….big no now from me.

SharpOpalNewt · 08/12/2024 05:37

With DH we were friends first and he wasn't my usual type. I knew he wanted more but wasn't ready for a relationship after a previous break up. We went out as friends for months and were also working at the same place, which probably added another reason for my hesitancy.

Then when I changed jobs, the prospect of losing touch with him prompted me to realise my now romantic feelings towards him.

He was incredibly gentlemanly though, no forced kisses, certainly. That was over 25 years ago now and we are still together.

BettyBardMacDonald · 08/12/2024 05:44

Normally I'd say give it another chance as you might with any new friend.

But I don't kiss strangers and his entitlement in that regard gives me severe ick. I'd decline and tell him why.

You aren't "expected" to do anything you don't feel like doing. There are no "rules of dating these days."

WordOfTheDay · 08/12/2024 08:13

Frisson