DH overwhelmed with puppy

[Usedphone]

We've had a new puppy for the past 3 months+ . He's a Labrador+springer mix and TBH he's WAY more chilled than I expected BUT he does love counter surfing, stealing food, etc .. I would say fairly normal puppy behaviour. He's also an early bird and by 530 he's wide awake (I'm normally awake too by then) and will only calm down with cuddles.

Now to me, this is all OK and even kind of cute, but my DH can't stand it. Our older doggie is super chilled although she was a bit like this when she was a puppy, and my DH did lose her cool with her, but promised to never do it again.

My DH is grumpy, tired all the time and has lost all sex drive. He had a full blood panel at the GP, but everything came back normal.

Any advice before rehoming one of them?

Getting a puppy is almost equivalent to having a baby. It turns your world upside down. Not much to recommend but do know quite a few couples who feel like you do and one that have actually split up since getting a puppy as it created such havoc and came between them.

Maybe sit down and talk and make a cast iron puppy routine between the two of you to reduce the feeling of being out of control.

Good luck!

OK, so you will already know this, but counter surfing and food stealing has to stop now - the older the dog gets the harder it will be to curb this bad behaviour. Is it being trained, are you going to obedience classes?
WRT the 5:30 waking and you say you're already awake and the pup 'calms down' with cuddles, are you going downstairs to deal with it or are you hoiking it into bed and disturbing your DH?

If he agreed to getting the puppy you need to get your grown up pants on, sit down and discuss like cupoftea suggests. If you do the early start (until that eases off), can he do the last walk and feed etc. If he didnt want the pup in the first place I can see why he's not totally thrilled with how things are.

The puppy used to sleep downstairs but we moved him upstairs because he would start crying around 3/4 so my DH would go downstairs and sleep with him

So then we decided he could sleep upstairs and he HAS improved but obviously 530 is still too early.

I'm the one who deals with the pup most of the time anyway. My DH only feeds him that's it.

Oh that little face!!!
Puppies are HARD work, its why they are cute - otherwise we wouldn't bother.
I do echo that counter surfing etc is NOT cute though and you need to be right on that and you can train the pup to sleep downstairs if it helps your DH a bit. We always had a no upstairs policy from day 1
Presumably your DH was onboard with this so he does need to get over himself a bit

The agreement is that technically it's HIS dog and the furry one is mine.

So his & hers. We did try crate training but we always go for the path of least resistance.

Our DS also sleeps with us, so to my DH he just doesn't sleep properly at all, but he's a natural deflector and complainer and doesn't take things in his own hands.

It's also quite separate, but because I WFH and he doesn't I tend to do WAY more than he does and I'm not complaining non stop.

With you saying DS also sleeps with you, I suspect you're too soft. I can't say anything because my DC did the same and now the two dogs do too. The difference is you know (apart from the counter surfing) why and are prepared to put up with it. if DH wants it to change (especially as you say the puppy is his) he needs to put the trainung in.

I'd rehome him now as it'll be hard for your DH to find somewhere for a full grown adult near Christmas.

Seriously though, can DH sleep in your DS bed for a while if you're happy to be up and about from 5.30?

Hope you’ve got a big bed!
That puppy is seriously gorgeous I don’t even like dogs much.

Your poor H
Im not surprised he’s complaining, I would too.

I slept with my DM until I was like 10! My DD did the same until she was around 7. I find it normal, but his kids never did. His children though would wake up at 5 and demand attention so they're all different!

I mean I like cuddles of all types. I would sleep with the puppy if I could and I would have slept with our older doggie if my DH had left me.

When growing up I was only able to sleep when my cat was sleeping with me, in fact both cats slept with me, one under each arm.

But because the puppy is with me most of the day (and I do my best) then my DH blames me for everything (which is not true) but he does tend to be that way.

Oh look at that cheeky little face.
You have a mixture of two highly intelligent and energetic breeds there OP. Peak naughtiness to be expected. It will get better. Puppy is so young still. We were tearing our hair out with our lab when he was little and my mum threatened to put him on Ebay more than once (lighthearted of course). He is now a lovely, gentle 4 year old (who still has his moments of course).

Yes exactly! Which is why I actually think he's quite "chilled".

DH doesn't fit in our son's bed (it's a toddler bed!)

Be prepared for a second round of naughtiness when pup reaches about 11 months. Ours was dreadful Serves us right for thinking we had cracked puppyhood. Even the vet said he was too immature to have his balls off.

He calmed right down at about 20 months. Stopped pulling like a cart horse. A lot of it is training but don't forget the pup needs to mature and grow up too. It's a baby animal at the end of the day.

You need to put boundaries and training in place now OP - you've got a cross there that is a tricky one unless given the right outlet!! Find a Gundog class locally. He's utterly gorgeous tbh and if you were anywhere near Lincolnshire I'd be very tempted to offer to rehome him as a working home after Christmas. Given the correct stimulation and training he'll be fab. Counter surfing etc HAS to stop.
I'm afraid 5.30 is normal pup time! Ours will settle like logs all night until 6. When it is time to GET UP 😂

Counter-surfing (though how can he reach at that age?) and food stealing are very easy to deal with. Just don't leave anything where they can reach it - same as a toddler.

Our kids slept in our bed whenever they wanted and our dogs sleep on it now - so equally soft here. My dh just used to get into which ever bed had been vacated by a small child. Could you upgrade your son's bed to a single?

Hopefully his Labrador genes are dominant and he will turn into a typically slothful Labrador in a few months (mine gets up for breakfast then goes back to bed til lunchtime).

But oh that face is just SO adorable 🥰

OMG sweet puppy. Are you considering rehoming DH?

I would never get a puppy again. It’d an awful testing and stressful time. Older doggies all the way for me now.

Get booked into puppy classes asap. Not just for the behaviour but for socialising and stimulation.

Our puppy is just a total sweet heart he doesn't make any noise all day.... He just likes his food!

my DH did lose her cool with her, but promised to never do it again

What does this mean? Did he hit the dog? If so, get rid of DH not the dog.

Poor pup - they are hard work, the puppy stage won't last forever.

@Usedphone You sound quite resentful towards your DH. Is that the real problem here?

@Usedphone Sounds like a normal puppy to me with a couple of things you need to train him on. Puppy is gorgeous. I genuinely don’t understand people who get a puppy and expect it to be a walk in the park or think of rehoming then so easily. They are hard work but patience goes a long way - it sounds like your husband lacks that? I have a Labrador and been through the puppy stage not too long ago and it gets easier. I also think being firm but calm goes a long way. Stressed or negative energy won’t help. At the end of the day though, puppies can be naughty and your husband needs to be realistic about what to expect.

He did ;( . His colleagues told him that was the way for pups to learn

You've got a 2 high energy cross breed mix into one. It's going to be hard work.
I have had many many arguments with my husband over my working cocker spaniel who is now 17 months old.
It is HARD. Your pup needs training and your husband needs to stop hitting your pup and train him properly. A puppy is a huge commitment and tests your patience every single day all day long.

Jesus, no wonder so many dogs end up in rescue with behavioural problems. Hitting a dog is not the answer😢If my DH hit our dog he'd be booted out.

Might seem normal to you for a DC co-sleeping for years, but taking that path damages sex life and relationship. Could be why he's grumpy. How on earth can you be intimate with a child in the bed? - answer hopefully is you can't be.
Always a mad idea to have a baby and a puppy at the same time - you've voluntarily got twins now effectively.
There's a lot of ignoring stuff going on here just in the name of least resistance, but it just stores up problems and kicks everything down the kerb.
Get your DC in own bed, and don't leave things on the coffee table ( looks too small to reach kitchen surfaces) . The people who co-sleep for years, are avoiding intimacy usually.