Toxic parent expecting me to plan their funeral and administer their will

[Festiveyulelog]

My estranged parent recently offended me by giving me a sealed letter of their final wishes in terms of their funeral wishes and that sort of thing. They have nobody else, so probably just assumed I'd be willing to do it.
They just handed me the sealed document and said open it when they die. They've recently said and done some pretty wicked things and I have absolutely no love or respect for them.
I want to hand the letter back when i see them, saying I'm unwilling to help or have any involvement in seeing that their wishes are honoured. Frankly it's not my responsibility. I'm an only child and there's nobody else who is likely to be willing. But I don't want the burden. I should have said so and refused the letter when they handed it to me. I was just in shock and so offended that I was unable to think clearly at the time.

They can get a solicitor to do it, but they will take a large cut. In these circumstances, it may be the best option. Presume you don't expect/want any of their assets.

You could just hand it back and tell them to engage a solicitor to act for them as you don't feel you will be able to.

No need to rock the boat if you don’t feel up to it. When they die, let their solicitor handle it or arrange a direct cremation. They can’t make you do anything. A letter handed to you is not legally enforceable.

Hand it back and tell them to engage a solicitor or do a direct funeral

Put the letter in a drawer and, when you hear they've died, engage a solicitor to open it and deal with the contents. Presumably there'll be enough in the estate to pay for legal help and anything over can be donated to charity as you want nothing to do with them.

Take the letter and put it in a drawer. When they die do nothing. They will be dead so they will not know.

You could always send it back special delivery with an additional note saying "contact a solicitor I will not be handling this," and leave it at that.

I say special delivery so you can track and have evidence that it's been recieved.

Firstly, it’s a huge, manipulative, attention grab. I would send it back unopened with a note saying “I think you are mistaking me for someone who is likely to be there. You’ll need to find someone else.”

Put it in a drawer and see how you feel when time comes. There's always compassion to consider.

You don’t have to attend every fight you’re invited to.

or in this case, every funeral you are invited to arrange.

just because they tell you to do something, doesn’t mean you need to actually do it and you don’t have to tell you aren’t doing it. Don’t invite them to an argument by telling them you aren’t doing it. Just don’t do it.

Send it back with a note. You're NC with them so there won't be much of a backlash.

Sounds awful for you. How did she get close enough to you to give you the letter when you are NC?

@SometimesPunishThem97 There are parents who do not love their children and there are parents who do awful thing to their children. I don't think it's our place to judge OP on this. Presumably she does know exactly what her mother is like and the mother may well have said and done wicked things.

Pop the letter back through their door and think no more of it.

@SometimesPunishThem97 not appropriate.

@Festiveyulelog you can just ask a solicitor to deal with the arrangements when the time comes. The cost will come from the estate.

I'm with the pp who say just cos someone says they want you to do something, doesn't mean you have to do it, and nor do you have to engage with the potential conflict.

I'd avoid all the drama.

They can want whatever they want, but it's irrelevant. You can choose to read it after they've died (if you want to, you might find you've changed your mind), or not, if you haven't. But no need to engage with it, or them, at all now.

Put the letter in a drawer. When the rime comes, open it, read it and hand it over to a solicitor. Presumably you won't be accepting any inheritance if there is provision for you, so just wash your hand of it when the time comes. If you really aren't bothered, then open it now.

ODFOTTFSOF....

What a vile, judgemental response
You have no idea what this parent has done to force their child to become estranged but people rarely stop contact with parents for reasons that are trivial. Take a good look at yourself and maybe remember what the Lord said about judging others.

When the time comes you can do whatever you like. It's not like they'll know about it.

Wills usually name executors and then what to do if that person/those people are unable or unwilling to carry out those duties. Certainly the ones I've dealt with did anyway.

I hope you're OK, this stuff is tough when there's a difficult relationship. I was lucky that when our estranged parent died, my elder sibling jumped into the organising role as that was his way of dealing with it. If it were down to me, I'd have done a direct cremation and instructed a house clearance company.

Not a criticism at all but I am interested in how they passed you an envelope if you're both estranged.

It’s totally up to you what you do after they die regarding their funeral. Book a direct cremation . They will be dead and their wishes count for nothing