Ex hit DD and now threatening to turn up at school

[Apples189]

I hope I've posted this in the right place! I'm in desperate need of help.

My ex partner has smacked my 11 year old. It happened on holiday, whilst abroad at the beginning of August. She's refused to see him since then, and I will not allow her to go back to his house. He took away her phone after he hit her, so she couldn't call me.

He has a very toxic relationship with his partner. My child has told me about their constant arguing in front of her. She's overheard his partner calling her during arguments and has also told me his partner isn't very nice to her when her father isn't there. Her father thinks she is lying and will deny it to me when I have raised it with him. I just receive abuse and threats each time. He was physically abusive to me when we were in a relationship. I got away from him, but I never thought he'd do this to our child. The police issued an injunction for DV, so they are aware of past behaviour.

Tonight, he has threatened to come to my home to make her speak to him. He has told her he will turn up at her high school to make her talk to him. She has clearly told him multiple times and explained that she can not take his behaviour anymore and she doesn't want contact with him. I now know all of what was happening. She was too scared to tell me before this. He tells her he will get rid of her bedroom and she isn't getting Christmas presents if she doesn't see him. I've received a lot of abuse off of him tonight, and I've just had enough. He's saying to my daughter that he believes she isn't safe! It's just another tool to manipulate her. He isn't going to stop till he gets what he wants.

What can I do here? I obviously will keep her safe. But he's threatening to go to her high school, and I'm so worried. So is she. Can the police do anything about this?

I never reported him hitting her at the time, as I was told it's not illegal in England, and nothing will be done. So I stopped contact as my daughter wanted. I will not allow him anywhere near her. I will admit that I thought I'd be able to handle this myself. But, I realise now he's threatening to go to her school, I won't be there to keep her safe.

His family all believe I've poisoned our child against him, and he's this amazing person. His mother saw strangle marks around my neck when he did them, and she still defends him. His partner seems just as bad as him. So I can't speak to any of them about this.

Any advice will be appreciated. Thank you!

Devastated on your behalf… seems like women have no chance of any kind of future in the UK. Things are getting worse and worse.

Even in Scotland it is unlikely the police could have proceeded with this as they need to corroborate the evidence. As there is no proof ie. no bruising there is only your DDs word against his so there is no case. What there is however, is your DDs statement on file so if it happens again there is evidence of a pattern of behaviour. Hopefully it will never happen again as he won't be able to have any further contact with your DD. I hope your order is granted soo.

They usually get away with it.
Can you get your daughter a new phone and a new number? Or if possible for someone to make sure there is no way he can track her.

Can you get an AirTag or something similar your daughter can have on her in case he does take her? Maybe a personal alarm.

Without scaring her can you teach her the hand sign that she can discreetly do if he does take her.

Talk about what to do if he does take her. If she can scream he isn’t my dad. And the c word will attention if shouted.

Prepare for the worst.

So sorry you're going through this, I just went on a few dates with a dude who had daughter same age, made out his ex was crazy and he'd even been sent to prison on investigation and been released without conviction for breaching an RO and tried to make out this made him innocent

Some men are really shitty

The damage is probably related to your ex, document and report everything, dates and times and maybe even don't block but lock messages hidden on your phone so you have evidence of his harassment to its true extent, and maybe your daughter needs something on her person that can track her and communicate with you- smartwatch? Give her code words to call you with just in case and stay squeaky clean no matter how much he winds you up and texts abuse... that was how this lowlife I unfortunately met was getting away with painting his ex as a liar and spurned ex because she had ended up getting in trouble herself and lost the support of SS and police against him painting himself as an alienated father who was understandably fighting for his rights to see his child

Maybe get a cheap phone and a new number for yourself and swap SIM cards. Then all of his abusive shit can go to your old number and be kept in a drawer. Keep it charged, and on silent and he will think you’re cowering and take it all to the police. Constantly.

Just an update.

Police won't help. SS won't help, and now the solicitor is telling me that the assult and the harrassment to my child does not warrant a non molestation order. Even though there's evidence of hin admitting doing it and also evidence him admitting that he'll do it again. Along with the vile abuse towards me.

I'm just so done with this. Why won't anyone help me?

If anyone knows how I complete and submit the non molestation order myself, I'd appreciate the help. I just honestly have no idea how I'm supposed to protect my child from him when nobody will help me do that. I'm just exhausted.

The solicitor can give you advice about pub don’t have to listen to it .
You can ask him to do as you ask . Tell
him you would still like it submitted ?

Or can you seek legal advice elsewhere

You could ask for pointers on the Legal board here OP.

They are very busy but Rights of Women will help you apply for a non-molestation order.

I'd go to the police station tomorrow and also tell the school he is not allowed near her. X

Call the NCDV they will help with injunctions including prohibited steps orders.
They can have them done within 24 hours.

www.ncdv.org.uk

I just want to say I am so sorry you're going through this, OP, and that your DD is. I wish I could help, but I want you to know that so many of us see you, see what is happening, and see how insane and ridiculous it is that you cannot get any help despite doing all the right things. You are not alone.

I'm sorry you're going through this, as there isn't a court order in place, yes he can pick her up from school. HOWEVER if you speak to them about what has happened, if he turns up they will keep him busy whilst they phone you to come collect. My childrens school done this for me

I am horrified that you can't seem to get any help from any of the services that are supposed to assist us in times of trouble OP. Until recently I was under the impression that DV and coercive control laws were finally being used to protect women and children like yourself, but yours is the second post I'm following where the woman concerned has been made to feel completely alone and like she is fighting a losing battle. It makes me furious, and is just SO WRONG!!

One thing the other poster has done, which may be of some assistance to you, is contact her MP. A lot of people are reluctant to do this, but you don't seem the type to be put off, just because someone holds an official position, whereas sadly, many abused women are scared to do this, but our MP's are there to help us deal with 'the system' in whatever way they can, so if you feel that you are being consistently let down by the police, it might be worth contacting yours to see if they can put a bit of pressure on. Tell him or her, that you're so afraid of what your ex might do, that if the police won't do anything to protect you and your children, you may be forced to disappear, as you're simply not prepared to become yet another statistic, where after your ex has done his worst, the police come out and say 'how awful it is that it happened, and lessons will be learned', as they simply don't seem to be learning, in spite of all the horrors that we women are being subjected to.

I quite often read out posts from MN to my DH, and he says when he hears cases like yours, that he's actually ashamed to be a man, when he hears about the way so many treat the women and children that they are supposed to love and care for.

I really hope that sooner or later your ex gets what he really deserves OP, but until then, please continue to do everything you can to protect yourself and your girls.