Husband beer belly and losing respect

[frus]

My husband is quite a bit older than me - we've been together 7 years.

He has a beer belly that makes him look pregnant, he has high cholesterol, and is pre diabetic.

He has not changed his lifestyle at all. He still drinks too much imo. If we go for dinner he always orders a beer no matter what day or time it is and we eat out a lot. He also binge drinks once a week on a night out. He can't see the issue.

He lightly exercises but he does have the time to really throw himself at something like running but instead just does this light amount of exercise that will never make a difference.

I'm starting to lose respect for him. I find the beer belly unattractive and I know if the shoe was on the other foot he would not like it if I was overweight or beer belly.

He won't communicate about it and he thinks I'm nagging.

I don't want to be intimate either.

Please any advice?

Good job its not your spouse or your relationship then! Not everybody is attracted to the same thing as you hun

That and seperate bedrooms, sorted!

Jokes aside I've been in a similar situation and he won't change.

My ex was like this. Said he'd lose weight when he was 40 and our daughter was born. Nothing. The only thing that changed was when he was diagnosed as diabetic last year (the pre diabetic warning wasn't enough of an incentive!). He's lost a couple of stone but is still overweight, diabetic and eats more carbs than he should do. Except he's not my problem any more. He's 56 and I doubt he'll make it to 70.

He'll blame not having time to go to the gym, but he has time for other activities which are completely sedentary. He just has no interest in changing.

What you must do it get a very substantial life insurance policy on him.

You can't make anyone change. I would have a conversation where you explain how you feel. If he doesn't make any changes then it's up to you to decide if you remain in the relationship.

The beer belly idea is a bit of a myth, there is no such thing, it’s just a jovial word for quite a serious place for any man or woman to be health wise. A large stomach, especially if it’s firm and the persons arms or legs are thin means that this is visceral fat. Fat packed around the persons organs, health wise it’s catastrophic and needs addressing, so OP is right to be concerned. Obviously from the perspective of looks, then I do feel we have to learn to love the changes as our partners age, but if you don’t then the future may be hard for some relationships.

He's got a certain standard of how you have to look and weigh ?

Have I got that right?

@frus Just two?
What about his mental health? A lot of the time this type of physical health is a result of struggling mental health. It's all linked

If he is older than you, just from statistic, you’re going to end up being his carer.
He is also going to die much earlier than you (see life expectancy for men and women).

That’s regardless of whether he changes his lifestyle or loses his beer belly.

A 'beer belly' is due to the fact that fat is distributed differently in men. It's not caused exclusively by excessive alcohol but rather a combination of too much unhealthy food and not enough exercise. As we age, we don't burn as many calories at rest, as we would when we're younger. If you're eating the same amount of calories as you did at 20, but aren't doing much exercise, your body isn't burning as many at rest = you gain weight! Stop eating out so much, this will also encourage your husband not to drink alcohol. Reduce portion sizes! Protein rich foods help you stay fuller for longer. Don't avoid food groups, you need carbs etc. I'd recommend resistance training, light weights - find a workout on YouTube and lots of walking! Perhaps do a home work out together and go out for walks? Anything to help and encourage your husband to shift the weight. It's not easy, there's no quick fix. My husband hurt his back last year, and one of the issues was poor posture - physiotherapist told him loosing weight would help. He lost 3 stone, started using light weights and walking a lot. His back is now fine... he's 51 and is probably fitter now than he was 20 years ago!!!

How old are you? One day you will go through menopause and no doubt put on a bit of weight, how would you feel if he then said this about you? Is he still the same man you married (looks aside) concentrate on that. By all means encourage his to lose weight for his health but not because you feel embarrassed