2nd Baby will Social Services be involved?

[Rillee]

Hi, I’m not pregnant yet but I would like another baby. Social services was involved with my 1st as I was in an abusive relationship we broke up, he moved out and the case was closed. This was 3 years ago, he is a completely different person now and has grown up massively and we get along very well as friends and he is an amazing dad. We both don’t have partners at the moment and have discussed having another baby together and co parenting. If I were to do this would social services be involved again , even if he no longer lives with me?

Yes they will be involved.

If you believe he has changed, then you are in a very vulnerable position and need further support. Abusers don’t change. You need to keep yourself and your existing child safe.

To be honest I would hope they would be involved.

Absolutely. And theyll think you lied about breaking up with him in the first place, and lying saying you're not together while pregnant. It's a bad bad bad bad idea.

Just to add another perspective- I regularly refer families to safeguarding and I'm sometimes shocked and surprised by what they don't investigate further. They will probably want to speak to you OP but if you can evidence that this man has "changed" and is parenting his first child appropriately, they may very well not take any further action.

Good grief

This exact scenario happened with my friend and they did not get involved.

I presume SS still know you’re together @Rillee and the first baby did not get taken away from you?

This is it. If the child was removed yes of course they’ll be involved, but if the child was not removed they likely won’t be involved again if the case was closed because OP is deemed not a risk.

Why is that relevant?

Please don't let this abuser back in your lives, for the sake of your child, abusers are very good at pretending they have changed, it's all lies to get you back where they want you so they can batter your self worth, think of a little baby in the mix it just won't be fair

I do know.

Regardless of how you spin it they will assume your back in a relationship and become involved

Just out of interest, is this person working and providing for his first child?

Hi OP

I know this isn't the question you asked but I just wanted to mention something that might be important to think about.

Abusers often ramp up their abuse in pregnancy. I know he has changed his behaviour recently, but I would also say most abusers are not abusive all of the time. They often have long periods of 'good behaviour', where they reel you back in to where they want you.

In your situation I'd be very worried he might see your pregnancy as a chance to take advantage and work his way back in to the family unit, and you might find yourself back in the awful situation you have done so well getting out of.

Well done for getting away from the man who abused you. It is a very hard thing to do.

Please don't let him manipulate his way back in.

No. But I’m not really sure what that’s got to do with you?

I’m not here to discuss that, if I wanted to I’d start a thread for it.

OP, the case was closed BECAUSE he moved out. FFS.

Why don't you find an actual partner and have a child with them instead, instead of bringing another child into a relationship where their parents don't live together, don't love each other, and aren't committed to each other? Why deliberately create a child with no stable home life? Children aren't toys!

I brought up my friend in a response on a thread OP started because she’d experienced the same as her.

Oh! You’re being judgmental! Jeez, how small minded of you. I could explain the situation in detail but you’re just a stranger on the internet so I think I’ll pass. Have a good night.