When was the moment you realised you fell out of love ?

[imnina]

I’m honestly curious :

• how do you know when you have fallen out of love ?
• is it based of hormones ?
• being bored of repeating yourself ?

Please explain !!

@Fishergirl It wasn't one of the major reasons why I left my ex, but when we moved from the centre of a city to a semi-rural area, I had no idea that he had no plans not to drive. Up until that point I thought we were on the same page and he gave me no indication that he wouldn't be driving again, so he basically lied by omission as far as I'm concerned.

He even had a license, but hadn't driven for years as we didn't have car. Even when I had a bit of a health scare, and he promised he would but he didn't. If I'd had kids with him, I still don't think he would have. I would have had to drive myself and the baby home from hospital, or he would have paid for a taxi.

I had to beg and plead with him to help me to drive so I could at least practice in between lessons. I genuinely think he couldn't be bothered, he was stingy with his time, and part of me thinks he didn't want me to drive either because he knew I'd want to go to more places, and horribly, I'd actually expect him to spend more time with me.

Like his father, I think he also planned for me to be the chauffeur. He would have the perfect excuse to sit at home computer gaming whilst I would be ferrying our children around to playdates or classes he no doubt would argue were pointless.

@Tracystubbs I hope he dies soon.

Jesus they must read a handbook.

Some of them do it as soon as they're married, but some wait until the woman's pregnant or has had children. My friend's partner became physically abusive for the first time when she was pregnant. I think it was shoving & then hitting.

I think the loved drained out gradually over the years, so it was a "freezing frog" situation.
But at the end there were several situations where I felt "done". One in particular where we'd all planned to go for a walk in the winter, on holiday with friends and the kids. He and the friends took a "shortcut" but it was very wet so the kids and I went the long way. We then continued walking the route we'd planned trying to "catch up" with ex and friends. Phoned him repeatedly - there was a signal but he didn't pick up. The route we'd planned was along the beach, which was so cold there were big chunks of ice on it and in the water. By the time we were near home it was pitch black. I felt so vulnerable on the dark beach, just me and the kids. When we reached home he opened the door as if nothing had happened; he'd not been at all bothered about me and the kids being out in the dark for hours in the winter, in another country. Said he and the friends had changed their mind about the walk and gone home. Didn't bother to ring me and let me know.

So do I
I'm sure if I posted a faction of what he did to me,an army of mumsnetters would be my albi while I did it
That was just the last straw

@Disturbia81 I so get that- primeval type anger and aggression in men makes me incredibly on edge and utterly gives me the ick -my H has his moments too and if I ever do split it will be the lack of ability to control anger and aggression over fairly trivial shit that does it- he manages to control it with others - I've often felt like a whipping post for all his life frustrations

I could not live with that either. If someone was perfect 99% of the time it wouldn't matter to me in the slightest, because I would be on high alert for when his 1% side came out.

I've posted about this particular relationship on other threads under other usernames. It was really a case of death by a thousand cuts.

I did a PGCE and was on my final teaching placement. I was under a lot of pressure. It was a repeat placement as I’d been very ill on the final placement the year before so had needed to defer. The school I had been placed in was twenty miles away, so I was having to lodge with a family during the week and come home at weekends. I was under a lot of pressure and needed to pass. DP still expected me do all the cooking and cleaning for all his mess he’d make during the week when I wasn’t there, and would roll his eyes at the weekends as I had planning to do. I didn’t drive and he would refuse to drive me back to my host family on Sunday evenings, so my parents would every weekend even though we had a car. One weekend he demanded a roast dinner which more fool me I cooked, despite having a lot of work to do. We ate it and he put the plates on the side with the pots and roasting tin for me to wash up just as my Mum came to get me to drive me back. The following Friday, when I returned exhausted from a week from hell on my placement I found in the kitchen the same washing up from the roast dinner. He’d left it all for me and five days later it was in a horrific state. He said “how dare I pull a stunt like that leaving it for him to do.”
There was much worse that he did before we finally split up but for some reason the sheer pettiness and lack of care for me still takes my breath away. In the end I walked out of the placement as I couldn’t cope and I’m sure part of my inability to do it was how little support he gave me.

My ex said he’s got someone else but I don’t care

For those who more or less realised it was because their partner was a w!nker, had they always been but you just ignored it? I wonder sometimes how much of this comes as a 'shock' or sudden realisation?

I always knew. His behaviour was blatantly unacceptable but he used to make things so twisted and complicated, cause such a scene and a drama, that it was just a relief when he seemed to be acting rationally again. It was easier not to analyse the headfuck further.

Eventually the cognitive dissonance piled up on me. I finally accepted that there was no good side to the relationship - only brief tense relief from storms. There was no shock at the end, just the slow grim realisation that I needed to extricate myself from the situation entirely.

Mine seems very tame in comparison to these stories.

I would go to bed on my own every single night without fail as my husband wanted to stay up late playing computer games. I had to ask for physical affection and was often rejected. He smoked weed every night and after years of pleading with him to give it up he wouldn't and couldn't see why I had a problem with it.
I looked at my life in my late thirties and thought is this the sort of marriage I want forever? We have one chance at life and I realised it was time to end it. 18 months on and I'm the happiest I've been in years but occasionally feel guilty for leaving him. I wish he had tried harder 😕

Name changed for this as it’s still raw. The day my husband of five years (second marriage, his wife had left him for OM), told me that he had to stay in contact with his ex affair partner from his first marriage because she was the love of his life. First I knew of her existence. When I said, So where does that leave me? He relied, ‘Oh you’re up there’….

Omg this is currently my life! Go to bed alone nearly every night while he smokes weed 24/7 and plays video games.

So many reasons but mostly his inability to grow up. No planning ability, I had to organise everything, every holiday, play date, item of clothing. Fucked off to the pub as much as he could. Took drugs and spent all his money on them. Selfish selfish man.
I am so happy now I am single, I have great friends a lovely home and no debts. He is in all sorts of debt and miserable.

I thought at first that he was a good man, and that I was lucky a good man was interested in me. He was also good-humoured, sexy, and agreed with my values. Sometimes he'd do something frustrating or inconsiderate but when I pointed it out, I ended up feeling like I was complaining too much, being unreasonable, not giving him the benefit of the doubt or blaming him for an honest mistake. I had never been with someone who apologised if they did something wrong, and had been brought up with a lack of self-esteem, so it was easy to think I was the problem. Over the years, the inconsiderate and frustrating behaviour grew worse and I started to realise that it was him, not me. But by that point we had two children. I hoped things would get better when he changed jobs, when we had more time for us, when we moved home, when we retired, etc.
So I wasn't expecting him to have an affair and treat me and the kids like shit on his shoes, but the really inconsiderate behaviour that involved didn't come as a shock, no. In retrospect things were much clearer, though.

I found he had been in touch with his ex and something inside me just broke. That was 7 years ago and I have done my best to stay together but I can’t pretend anymore.

💐

Lots of truth in this. Infatuation/crush is a more imperative and unruly beast but doesnt last anyway.

I was 26 weeks pregnant with my first and he was working about 2 hours away, overnight. We were living in a new area and I only knew one woman who I'd met at my new job. About 6pm I collapsed with horrendous stomach pain and vomiting and new I had to get to A+E. I called him, he said let me know how you go on, I've nearly finished, give me a shout from hospital. I called my colleague, she was round like a shot, grabbed me a toothbrush and a nightie and took me up to hospital, where I was admitted to the antenatal ward, they suspected I was losing the baby.

I called him back, pub noises, he had gone to the pub and had two beers with his workmates and thus couldn't drive back.

That was the moment.

Colleague sat with me until 8am, when I was discharged, with suspect kidney stones. He turned up at 2pm having had a lie in and a full slap up english breakfast on expenses at the hotel.

Many many more depressing moments, which I won't go into, suffice to say I never had sex with him again and counted down every day until those ducks were in a row. I have never felt so let down or disappointed in another human as I have in him. And that's saying something. LIfe has been golden without him.

@GreenManalishi that's awful and yes would have killed it stone dead for me too