When was the moment you realised you fell out of love ?

[imnina]

I’m honestly curious :

• how do you know when you have fallen out of love ?
• is it based of hormones ?
• being bored of repeating yourself ?

Please explain !!

When our DD was in the nicu after being born premature (and after years of fertility treatments) , the nurses dressed all the little babies up and made cards for Father’s Day, my little girl was the only one who’s daddy didn’t show up. I remember sitting beside this tiny baby and knowing if he didn’t put her first that first week of her life , he never would.

My ex was a controlling little bastard (we broke up 25 years ago and he still thinks he owns me,im not allowed to have a relationship,friendship or a job without his say-so apparently)

We had two kids and he would threaten to take them away from me-i was young and believed him

My narc mother told me I wasn't trying hard enough and it was all my fault he was behaving like this

One day he said he was going to the shop and I asked if he'd buy me a packet of smoky bacon crisps

He went into my purse (I had very little money and what i did have was meant for the kids milk and nappies) and took £40 out of it

Headed off to the shop and came back with 2 bags of crisps (I didn't know about the £40 at this point)

We settled down to watch some shitty movie and a sex scene came on

I just thought 'I need to have sex with someone else-i cannot have sex with this man again'

My skin just crawled at the thought of it

I then found he'd taken the £40 and he tried to tell me what's what he spent on my crisps-two bags of walkers cost £40 according to him

I threw him out,he kept trying to come back in and he made my life hell,taking me to court to see the kids as a form of control,going through my stuff,stealing what little money I had,shitting in my toliet without flushing and destroying anything nice I had

(at one point he poured black coffee over a cross stitch he knew I'd spent months working on and was almost finished,got his brother to wank on a pair of new jeans I'd saved so hard to buy my child and pissed on my new carpet-loads more but thats the gist)

Took me 2 years to get shot of him totally (thankfully he got bored) and he still bangs on about how I owe him £40 (he's never paid a penny for his kids as 'that bitch will spend it on herself') as I apparently stole that cash from him and spent it on myself

If I go back to my hometown and see him in the street,he barks like a dog at me or whistles like he's trying to recall one

To this day some people (all of my family) think I'm the evil one for getting out of a lonely, soul destroying marriage to a fridge freezer. He hasn't bothered with our daughter for over ten years.

He was a high earner too so I can't possibly have had a good enough reason to leave. Don't get me started about the grief I got for fighting my corner in court for my share of the assets.

Smile and 👋, smile and 👋

That was a reply to @Crikeyalmighty

This might out me as I have told quite a few people but when our relationship counselor asked him to say what he liked about me and he say she is very good at university challenge- I mean not as bad as most things on here

OMG @Tracystubbs he is deranged!

Just sat with DP on the sofa now. Think I am falling out of love. We were supposed to go out for a night out tonight. I was excited and had done my make up and hair. He came round (don’t live together) and asked to cancel as had a bad day at work. Instead of disappointment I felt relief as I know he will be in his phone and not talk to me, despite me telling him it’s rude and disrespectful. His response we are always together so what do we talk about?

now sat in silence as he is on his phone. Told me he is out for dinner tomorrow with a friend and was looking forward to it to chat and catchup.

We broke up for a while due to his phone habits and got back together. It’s not changed. Anything I talk about work he ignores me he says it’s boring. If I have a success and want to share he tells me how much he earns. He ranted for 1 hour about work today but I can’t talk about it.

I am not sure he has told anyone we have gotten back together after 6 months. I feel hidden and he is ashamed of me. I am ok looking and chatty. My friends like me and popular at work so can’t be that bad !

he has no self awareness of his behaviour and double standards. Will be ending it soon. Just need to go to a gig of my favourite band next week as he had the tickets. Thankfully k don’t live with him anymore.

Walking down the aisle...
Now (happily) divorced and remarried 😀

When my now ex h said something very cruel.

This would have resulted in immediate divorce for me. Jealous of the love you feel for your own child?! Too much going on there.

Oh god. This reminds me of a bloke I was dating who insisted on coming to my nans funeral wake and then got stroppy with me for not giving him enough attention. Prick.

Oh my God. What a powerful post.

Some really heart breaking experiences on here. I have had a twenty year marriage in which the feeling of being in love, looking forward to seeing him every night, him being my best friend and partner in crime and wanting to have sex with him never went away, despite life having it's challenges for us and some ups and downs. So I know it doesn't really have much to do with the length of the relationship and how you nurture and commit to loving

In contrast, a much shorter marriage I'm contemplating ending after slowly realising I don't feel loving emotions towards him. Two incidents have really changed things. One was going to the hospital for reduced movement in the early hours and my husband saying let me know how you get on then going back to sleep, keeping the key in the lock so i couldn't use my spare to get in and not waking up to let me back in, so I slept in the car from 4.40-6am in the freezing cold. He eventually answered the phone And let me in pretty disinterested.

The second was making eye contact and saying "please" really needing help from the bottom of my heart and he said I'm reading my book I'm too tired. I felt he totally abandoned me.

What stands out to me is the long gaps many PP talk about between seeing you don't love them and actually leaving. Life is complicated but short!

Mine was death by 1000 cuts. Many things over the years. Realised quite soon after we married that he wanted a 1950’s housewife. Before I knew it, I had 4 children under the age of 5. He was a high earner and didn’t want me to work as he liked me being stuck at home and reliant on him. He sucked the life out of me. He carried on living his best life, holidayed with his friends at least 3 times a year. Went to his hobby twice a week, even when I was in labour. Not enough money for me to go on holiday or to take his kids anywhere. Anytime I wanted to meet friends or family without the kids, it would be a massive production. Would reluctantly agree then purposely come home late or go to the pub and get so drunk I couldn’t leave the kids with him. Ruined any of my family functions by getting drunk, then aggressive, with my family. Perved on other women in front of me. Went on benders and wouldn’t shower for days. In the end, it was the most minor thing that eventually made me leave, compared to what I’d put up with for 12 years. He had gastro problems and would use the downstairs loo to poo, even though we had a bigger one upstairs. He had a habit of leaving the door wide open after and would stink the whole house out. One afternoon I’d invited my sister and girlfriends over for lunch and he came down to use the loo, leaving the door wide open after. The smell was horrendous and all my friends and I were in the middle of eating. He made an inappropriate joke, grabbed half the food and went back upstairs. Decided then and there I would never let that man touch me again. I knew then that I definitely did not love him. I got my ducks in a row and left 3 weeks after. Best decision I ever made. Non of the dc talk to him now. Their choice, he’s an absolute waste of a man.

Oh my God

That must have been such an awful realisation just after giving birth.

Please get out.

I stopped when he started becoming aggressive straight after DC was born.

I had a C section and was in the most vulnerable state and he started shouting at me because his sleep was being disturbed when I needed help with DC. He said some really nasty threatening stuff. It chilled my blood as it dawned on me that he had waited until he thought I was 'trapped' before becoming abusive.

He got worse and I knew things would start getting physical, so I left him not long after. It was scary at the time but best decision I've made in my life.

This is awful.. I remember that vulnerable feeling, couldn't walk and had a newborn to look after. What a cruel shit. Well done for leaving ♥️

Coming towards me like an angry silverback gorilla and ripping his tshirt like the hulk with his face contorted in anger, knowing he wished he was punching me instead. He did that loads
Smashing my phone into a wall.
Mocking me when I cried at him doing these things
And this was a man who genuinely is a great, nice guy in all other ways. 99% of the time
All because he wasn't getting enough sex.
Many times driving really fast on the motorway even though he knows I hate it, and I'm begging him to stop. Sometimes with kids in the car. All because someone cut him up
I'm not attracted to aggressive men, it doesn't make me feel passionate, just fucking terrified.

Lots of little things when dc were young.
Getting so drunk he came home and shit himself all over his jeans then dumped the mess in the bath.

Wasting heaps of money on gambling and going out with his mates when dd was a baby and I was not working.

Telling me I had a drink problem when he saw me and my best friend drinking wine ON MY 28th birthday that he couldn't be bothered to come back home and celebrate because we didn't leave him a glass.

Telling me (dd was around 4 weeks old) that I was the biggest girl he d ever gone out with (I was a size 12)

All little things but the drinking did it in the end.
He was out late as usual on a Friday night and I got up to feed dd and noticed a police car stop outside. Officers got out and walked......to a neighbour s house and I was gutted. I realised I was hoping they were coming to tell me dp was dead.
And I realised I was disappointed. So happily I ended it made easier by the fact that he was secretly seeing someone else.

Dc grew up fine without him. He contacted dd on FB when she was 17 and she met him. Ds refused to
Tale as old as time he let her down too.

That is absolutely horrific.

Years of utter humiliation and endless crap, it's funny what flips the switch. For me (the first time , due to his health and covid the first time we tried to divorce never happened) it was my dd saying she couldn't get in the bath because one of "mummy's yucky hairs" was in there. At that point his hostility was focused on not letting me wash or have easy access to clean clothes and had decided he hated my pubic hair. I'd left a pube in the bath after a much needed shower.
The second time he pronounced that unless I met his needs physically and emotionally he would have to have an affair. I took the chance to break free, financially it's cost me a small fortune, but it's given me the future I never imaging I'd ever have.

I don't think I can pinpoint a specific moment. As someone else said in another post, it's been like death by 1000 paper cuts...

His moodiness and inability to take a joke, his temper towards me, but worse, our DS, him throwing a laundry basket at ds when he was angry but minimising it saying he only wanted to scare him, his fucking inability to be an adult (he catastrophises a lot), his verbal abuse towards me when he's drunk (fucking c#nt/bitch etc), his inability to take ownership of his shit behaviour and him gaslighting me and making things up, him not being able to drive and making jokes with other people about how I'm the chauffeur knowing full well I have told him he needs to learn how to drive, how he took hours to get to the hospital when I was in labour (it's 10 mins away from our house) so wasn't there to support me, how he shouted at me to hurry up when I was crossing the road 4 days after having an emergency cs with DS, me dreading going to bed every night because I didn't want to have sex with him, only managing to shag him because I fantasised about other people and grateful he only lasts less than 30secs before he climaxes, him punching walls and furniture when he's been drunk and angry, him telling me I'm lazy and selfish and him being scornful/resentful of me.

Thank god I've finally plucked up the courage to leave him.

@haribo1989 Wow. I think you saved yourself years of sadness and possibly abuse there. Was the hobby event table-top, dungeons & dragons type gaming?