My wife of 30 years together—15 years of engagement and 15 years of marriage, filled with ups and downs—has walked out on me and is staying at her single female friend’s house. She has come back a few times to do things for the kids and, on occasion, has even cooked tea for us. I spoke to her three days after she left, and she told me she didn’t love me and had been unhappy for a long time. This came as a shock to me because we have always had a great social and sex life, and we’re often out socializing with friends.
Recently, we’ve had some heated arguments, though she only once threatened to leave. I managed to talk her around that time, and everything seemed fine the next day. However, during another argument, I told her to “shove it,” and this time, she did. She walked out and has been staying at her friend’s house ever since.
She’s been gone two weeks now, and there’s no sign of her wanting to move back in. When she comes around, if I don’t bring up the subject of getting back together, it’s almost like she never left. We get along great during these visits, but when it’s time to leave, she simply says, “Right, I’m off now,” and returns to her friend’s house. She gets on really well with her single friend, who has a nice house, and she has told me she can stay there as long as she wants.
She’s going through the change at the moment as well, so I know that doesn’t help. But in 30 years of being with her, she has never said she doesn’t love me or not come back home after an argument. She’s never had a situation like this before, with a single friend who has a house she can use at her will, so I know that’s not helping the situation either.
But I can’t carry on like this. I need to know where I stand. I’m not here just to be friends with her—I need more. I want us to get back to how we were.
Every time I approach the subject, though, it doesn’t go well. She seems to me like she’s had enough of me but still wants to be friends.