Husband has left me and 2 DC and won't tell me his new address

[advice]

Husband moved out a couple of weeks ago but refuses to give me his new address in case I try to 'dump' the children on him. I have assured him this isn't going to be the case but I would like to know where he is in case of emergency etc (he says I have his mobile number so no need). The children are only 3 and 11 months so I would like to know where he is. Am I being unreasonable asking for it?

Be really careful if you have a joint bank account or other financial arrangements. You would do well to close off as much as you can asap so he can not leave you in a serious situation. For example he could empty a joint bank account totally and even take it overdrawn too, leaving you as liable for the debt as he is because it is in joint names. Take the money you need and get the bank to close the account/put a freeze on it etc until you can get a solicitor to help you out. You are entitled to empty a joint account of course....

I am so sorry you are going through all of this both for you and your children. I hope you get things settled with as little difficulty as possibly in these situations.

And besides his address, etc, don't forget you can have a wobble on here when you are down and confused. Whatever the ridiculous time of day or night, there's usually someone to hold your virtual hand.

Thank you everyone - I really do appreciate everyones advice x

Advice, I am in exactly the same position. My husband of 7 years left me in the middle of April. We have a 2 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. It was a few days before their birthdays when he made the announcement
He has changed his personality overnight, is being horrible, will not tell me where he is living and is at the moment having nothing to do with our beautiful children.
It has come completely out of the blue, I thought we were happy. He was a devoted father and husband. Turns out he thinks he has been 'supressed' by me for 7 years, and is now claiming I forced him to have children, stopped him from seeing his friends and family etc...
Just wanted you to know I know exactly how you are feeling. xx

Poor you, that's so nasty.

It's another woman, or possibly a brain tumour. No possible third explanation unless you believe in alien abductions.

Practical advice will no doubt be along in a minute...

So sorry to read this, advice.

Don't know if this has been pointed out before, but could it be that your H has cajoled you into giving up your job purely out of cruelty so that you are totally dependant on him? I know it sounds awful but I'm a cynical bitch and there's really very little that would surprise me when it comes to deviousness.

You do have his address at work, right? Do you know his coworkers, his boss?

Where I'm from the authorities will take money from your payroll if you fail to give them your new address and contact details. You should see a lawyer ASAP, armed with all policies, insurances, bank statements, etc. Have you opened a new bank account in your sole name and put the kids tax credits into it? IME you should also let your bank manager and others in the bank know, what's going on and freeze all cheque books, etc. just in case he rides off into the sunset leaving you and your dc behind.

One word on the side sweets, dust yourself off, go to your previous employer and explain the situation. Make it lunch or coffee and tell them you were duped, sorry and would appreciate coming back. In my circle of friends and colleagues this is quite common, if you had good ties with them, why not explain and go back. Don't let it go and don't waste time girl. Go for it!!!

Just because this relationship has broken down doesn't mean that you and your boys will be a single parent family forever. It won't feel like that now of course.

Would getting an extra lock and not getting around to giving him the key, suppose because you are now sleeping in the house alone and are worried about intruders, constitute the same thing as changing the locks???

Advice
sorry to hear your situation

my ex (divorce came thro yesterday ) wouldnt give me his address at first.

I went to CAB initially to talk things through. I then went to a solicitor to find out what my options were. Actually, the sooner you go, the better. I managed to get legal aid for the actual divorce because my free 30 mins assessed me on just my salary. I then applied for child tax credit & ex started paying maintenance.

I changed the locks on the front door cos I didnt feel comfortable going to work knowing he could pop in if he felt like it - "it accidentally broke so I had to get them replaced"
He would have to take you to court to get access to the house. I also moved all important documentation & the computer into m spare room & put a lock on the door. That REALLY annoyed him.

Change ur bank account if you have joint.

W£hile I understand you not wanting to rush into things, HE is the one that will have to come back on ur terms, OR he probably wont come back.
Either way you need to protect urself & your children.

Of course you still want him & would take him back. I am 2.5 yrs on and still feel sad about it all BUT feel thats more for the children than me.

there are lots of us around who can offer a sympathetic ear...or a kick up the backside like Custardo She makes a lot of sense.