Husband has left me and 2 DC and won't tell me his new address

[advice]

Husband moved out a couple of weeks ago but refuses to give me his new address in case I try to 'dump' the children on him. I have assured him this isn't going to be the case but I would like to know where he is in case of emergency etc (he says I have his mobile number so no need). The children are only 3 and 11 months so I would like to know where he is. Am I being unreasonable asking for it?

So for you, advice.

Maybe a letter from a solicitor will make him realise that it is not OK to take an indefinite 'holiday' from family life (tempting though it might be), which is what he appears to be doing, if you take what he has told you at face value.

You need to sort the money anyway - life will be impossible as long as he can continue to hold the threat of not paying mortgage/bills over you whenever he feels like it.

THanks Beaniestevie, I know you are right x

Yes stealth squiggle - at face value he is saying he wants a holiday from family life. I know everyone is right to say I have to move on as if he is not coming back and acceopt he may well be covering up OW.

advice, he is a total twat! Do you think he asked you to give up your job to facilitate him in his emotional blackmail game?
Get a lawyer. He has to support you financially even if he is not there emotionally for his children!

what about his post? has it stopped coming to your house? I might be tempted to send his bank statements return to sender unopened as "gone away". I certainly wouldn't enable him to carry on in this fashion by handing his mail over when he turns up.

I would set a private detective on his ass and find out not only where he lives but also what he is hiding and use it in the divorce.

Then let's see if he can threaten you about money.

CoteDAzur - funnily enough my mum has said the same.

The thing is that he is very convincing about wanting a break from family life rather than another woman. Mind you he was very convincing about not believing in divorce etc.

not many people get married with the idea that they will get divorced- cos if you did you wouldn't get married in th first place. However now that this situation has come to pass "not believing" in divorce is as pointless as not believing in zebra crossings- they are there with good reason.
a private detective- may not be anyones first choice to gain some control of the situation, but is there anyone who does know where he is that is prepared to act as a go between? his employer/ his mum?

advice, sorry this is happening. You must get as many details about his employers, assets as you can possibly get your hands on. Don't tell him or he will move them. It will come in handy in the divorce.

Good idea about the private detective. Particularly if they can also track assets. advice, can you go back to your previous employers and ask for your old job back?

Advice - I really WOULD see about a detective if you have any way of affording it - he obviously has something to hide.

Get a lawyer immediately before this man disappears leaving you with debts. Hemay even be up to something financially illegal right now(planning to leave the ocuntry with embezzeled money or something). Whatever he's doing with his dick is unimportant, you need to make sure that you are not left in a seriously bad financial situation because of his behaviour.

Can you get a babysitter and follow him home from work - far cheaper than a PI.

Also, if its only 3 weeks or so since you gave up work can you get your job back or were you reliant on him for childcare whilst you worked ?

Definately seek legal advice as you must not lay down and let him walk all over you. The children need you to obtain financial support on their behalf as its ounds like you will be forced to be a SAHM now.

See the C.A.B. as soon as possible as they will help you get appropriate legal advice. He needs to know what this separation/divorce will cost him as soon as possible so that he doesn't make plans for a more costly alternative lifestyle.

Please don't take him back unless he truly somes to his senses and be very wary of temporary reconciliations which enable him to make a cleaner break by being more sneakily prepared in the long run.

I'd be amazed if there wasn't another woamn involved unless he truly is scared that you'll pitch up and drop the kids off too often ruining his newly "single" and full of hobby pursuits lifestyle.

He sounds like a wanker and not good enough for you, you know that don't you ? He is the children's father but he's not a good husband and you deserve way better.

Surely the point of a detective would not only be to find out "what he was doing with his dick" but more importantly to find out where he was doing it.

I agree advice needs to protect herself financially just ask Baffy & Macdoodle about that one!

Please change the locks on your home a.s.a.p. as he will possibly want access to all sorts of paperwork in due course unless this is premeditated and he has already made sure he has all that stuff.

I can't believe he got you to leave your job and then left you 3 weeks later, that is seriously shocking, as is the rest of his behaviour. I would definitely try and get the job back if you possibly can.

wanting a break from family life

and

he says he needs more time because he wants more time to kitesurf/play golf etc

and why should he be able to do that while you are full time looking after his children ?

When you choose to have kids they are yours through think and thin - you can't just opt out - but lots of men seem to think they can.

How would anyone contact him if they didn't have his mobile - say you were hurt in an accident ?

or maybe more likely his mobile gets stolen ?

Advice, you poor thing! He wants a break from family life, what a wanker!!

if you only resigned 3 weeks ago it may be worth trying to get your old job back? Having your own money/independence might help with raising your self esteem during what will be a testing time.

Sending you huge hugs, please get a good lawyer!

My ex H also refuses to give me his new address & still gets everything sent here, including all his solicitors letters. He also denies that theres another woman, though from what the children say its VERY clear he does.

Have a chat with the CAB or a free half hour with a solicitor to see where you stand. But please.... dont do as I did & go to the solicitors on your own while youre in such a delicate frame of mind. Take a friend or relative with you, & do not sign anything or agree to starting proceedings until you have got over the initial shock & can think more clearly. Now is not the time to be rushing into things.

you said his friends think his behavious is odd.. do they know where he is living

(sorry you rea going through this)

he does sound like a prize wanker..

we'd all like more time to do our own stuff!

And yes blardy 'business trips' should be banned.. they are the route of a lot of problems.

it's only a few weeks since you left your job - depending on your line of work, they may not have replaced you yet? could you get your job back?

so sorry you are going through this

get a backbone
get a lawyer
screw the son of a twat over

just becuase you didn't like your upbringing - doesn't mean that as a one parent family - you won't be the best god damned mum in the world.

thats a ashit reason to staywith a fucker who has two kids and rats surfing and kite flying before THEM

think of THEM

what a fucker

have t acess to bank accounts

join accounts?

get a lawyer - now.