Husband still out no contact still we have 8 week old and 2 year old

[chocolateanddietcoke]

Can I be annoyed?

I knew he was going out but no contact since 10. Up every 1.5/2 hours with baby still and fed up as obviously won't have any help tomorrow morning either now

Depends how often he does it, what you agreed before, if there’s balance in other ways.
if he does loads of stuff generally and thus is one night off then that could be fair enough

Opentooffers · Today 02:38

One off tonight, could be ok. Done frequently, no chance.
This would be me as well, it happens to all of us, just horrible timing

He’s allowed a night out for god’s sake. And he’s probably not been in contact because he didn’t want to disturb what precious sleep the OP might be getting.

If OP means 10am or he does this every weekend, then my answer would be different.

Horrible timing?

They have a NEWBORN baby ffs

Agreed

The baby is 8wks old. Is there a time limit when you can’t go anywhere when babies are tiny? Unless there is more to this and OP is suffering with PND or unwell in some way, then I don’t see why one parent cannot cope for one evening. Christmas is coming up, many people have christmas parties they’d like to attend with colleagues. Perfectly reasonable to have some nights out when you have kids. Mine are teenagers now but my ex worked away all over the world, so to me making a big fuss about an evening out (which she knew he was going on) is a bit OTT.

Shame on the women who think it’s ok? Everyone is still allowed downtime and hobbies after having a baby.

My DP went to a prearranged stag so with DD2 was 3 days old and DD1 was 2 and the wedding when DD1 was 6 weeks old. He offered to cancel but I knew he’d been looking forward to it, and so I coped. I think it’s more important after a baby that both parents (if they want) are still able to let off steam and have some time to themselves, providing the other parent is happy. I wouldn’t have been happy with no contact at all for 4 hours though.

I wouldn’t bother with reason here, the fartist thinks everyone who drinks or goes on nights out is an immoral toad who hates their family and cant be trusted 😂

Honestly you can as a one off. Yes of course they could get the police to come with them and say you have to let him in but he’s not going to do that immediately while stonking drunk is he?

Literally cannot fathom the logic of locking someone out of their home for going out for one night 🫠 completely agree with PPs saying this is unreasonable

*but do commend the use of “stonking” - I have not heard that for years (and years!)

Also, on a practical note, it was really cold last night - a drunk person locked out could quite easily end up incredibly unwell, or worse, if they’re stuck outside for hours and can’t quite think straight. Not sure having a few drinks merits that level of punishment 😬

And also it is 99% sure to escalate what’s already clearly a heated argument brewing when let’s face it, we all know many couples are terse at the trenches stages of multiple young kids. OP really could not expect any help for the next day if she did that so it’s also counter intuitive

Second post nails it for me. I've been in your position OP. I had 2 year old and 10 week old when it was a stag do.

My DP went out, crashed in at 4am but was up parenting with me by 10am the next day

If he's generally hands on and it's a one off it wouldn't bother me

If he does this regularly and you're always the default parent then I'd be very annoyed indeed

Is he 12 ? Maybe they will ground him ?

The replies in this thread are beyond ridiculous, without any contrxt. The baby is 2 months. Yes it's crap being up in the night and then being tired but still minding small children next day, but it's part of life. If it were a normal workday the mother would be minding the children alone during the day. She is disappointed she won't get a lie in on a sat after what might have been a long week, but if that's the case then she should have asked her husband not to go out.

It was a prearranged night out. Adults shouldn't have to constantly check in with their partner if out, if a man complained because a woman hadn't texted in 4 hours he'd be called controlling. Not to mention those who blithely type things like "call his parents" or "lock him out". They need to give their heads a wobble.

That's ridiculous. Why would anyone ring their OHs parents to ask them to have a word??
Kis this the schoolkidsnet?

@chocolateanddietcoke what time was he back?

This should say Is this, not Kis this!

What did you agree before he went? Did he say he’d be back at a certain time? I think he should have checked in with you and updated you. But I think one night out now and then is ok for both parties.

The key is communicating in advance - “it might be a late one as X is coming” etc. I was quite used to being alone with 2 kids from the youngest being 2 weeks old though due to my DH working patterns.

Artistbythewater

Horrible timing?
They have a NEWBORN baby ffs

Im saying if it’s a once off- I’ve had weddings birthdays or nights out come up within weeks of me having children and have gone to some of them for a few hours, had it ended up being one of those nights I’m sure dh wouldn’t have been thrilled but I’d hope we’d have moved on from it okay

I don't see a problem here to be honest. For all we know this is a stag doo / night out planned before the baby. If this is a one off him going out for a few drinks every now and then it is not an issue. Perhaps you can do the same and get a break once the baby's a bit older or if your not breastfeeding then now. If your breastfeeding the man can't do a lot in the night for the baby anyway. If its every week that's another story

Absolutely agree. The OTT rhetoric and terminology for bloke who is having a night out is ridiculous.

Calling someone a drunken piece of shit who should be locked out because he’s not checking in every 5 minutes- seriously?

If it’s a pre arranged night out and the OP was happy for him to be out with his mates and it’s not every week, I really don’t get the problem.

Yes this place is a parallel fucking universe. How dear one parent go out for the night and not message every hour! What madness!

Bloody hell, parents are allowed to go out once in a while. We have no idea if he’s a selfish piece of shit opting out of parenting the next day because it hadn’t happened yet. And at no point did I or anyone say that’s ok. In fact, my post very clearly said it’s shitty if he ends up hungover and not doing any parenting. But assuming this isn’t every weekend, he is allowed to go out when he has an 8 week old.

It doesn’t hurt to drop a text, however, just to say “still out, don’t worry” once it gets significantly into the early hours of the next morning. There nothing worse than the mixed feelings of annoyance calculating just how long they are likely to sleep in coupled with the faint realisation that actually something might have happened. Given people are glued to their phones all the time when sober, it’s a bit grim they can’t sling out a one line text when drinking/partying. It’s also the acknowledgment that op still exists.