Husband still out no contact still we have 8 week old and 2 year old

[chocolateanddietcoke]

Can I be annoyed?

I knew he was going out but no contact since 10. Up every 1.5/2 hours with baby still and fed up as obviously won't have any help tomorrow morning either now

If it's a one off, I'd let it go and have a chat I'm the morning about not doing this again until the baby is sleeping better. Make him get up by 9 at the latest and then you go to sleep.

Hope he's back by now and you're all getting some sleep.

Oh yeh, you’re right and to @mamechange I got that wrong. I confused the 2am when op posted with 10 am. Addled brain through lack of sleep. Been awake since 2… a lot going on for me right now.

I hope he's back by now! As soon as he wakes tomorrow hand over the baby, get out the house and leave him to it!

So if he goes out at 10am, and is not back by 2am, so about 4 hours later, how long is he allowed out before it triggers the call to parents? A curfew of 2 hours maybe?

Seriously, these posts! He is allowed out for a few hours. He doesn’t get to opt out of parenting in the morning so he will be shitty if he has a hangover, but come on, involving parents because he’s gone out?

So she should leave the door unlocked all night?

Does this manchild not have a key of his own yet?

Are you for real?

He's a selfish, drunken piece of shit whose wife has been left to deal alone with a toddler and a newborn tonight and tomorrow (because he'll be sleeping it off while she tries to stay awake and functioning.)

Shame on all the women here who think this is OK. Sometimes this place is a parallel fucking universe.

My baby is 7 weeks old and i'd find it pretty unforgivable if DH did this. I've asked my DH not to go to evening plans (apart from work events) for the next few months while we find our feet.

Are you for real? She can handle two kids for a day for gods sake, she birthed them. The pubs haven’t even closed by 2am. Is he supposed to do hourly checkins and have a curfew like a child? Let him be burst tomorrow and them he’s on night feeds and sunday morning toddler shift. If you think someones a drunken piece of shit for one night out youre a crackpot 😂

I'd normally completely agree with you here, but with two kids, one 8 weeks old, it's really not the time for him to be having 12-hour benders with no contact. He's got the rest of his life to do that

Surely she means his been missing since 10pm, not 10am?

What time do bars close? Hes gone out 2am doesn't seem excessive to me. Is it the first time since you've had your baby? Are you feeling anxious about being alone with it?
You're tired and projecting about tomorrow. Why do you think he won't be able to do his bit? He can do both go out and be a parent

Make sure he does his normal share of parenting tomorrow

Yes, he is pure selfishness.

10 am to 2 am is sixteen hours.

An approx time for being home should be easily negotiated and a reasonable person would always phone if they are hours late. A reasonable partner knows their spouse likes to be informed and will naturally worry along with having to deal with the kids alone.
Admitting that you need assistance after XXX hours alone is human.

If the argument continuously falls on deaf ears, asking for help from extended family is fair. And it's fair not to hide the fact of a partner regularly shirking responsibilities.

Ramifications of poor behaviour might include the DH's parents helping out. Shamed he might be and shamed he should be!

he was in contact at 10pm and she was worrying about not hearing anything four hours later- i wouldn’t consider that a 12 hour bender?

If he’s gone on a night out drinking then you wouldn’t be getting any help anyway until he had slept it off. He’s probably just got carried away. Unless this is a weekly occurrence, then no it wouldn’t bother me. Once you’ve stopped bf, gone out with friends. It’s those nights out with friends that get you through those early years.

where on earth are you getting 10am from?

Why is everyone assuming it’s 10am she last heard from him? Assume it’s 10pm. Hardly a 12hr bender

The “up every hour” is a context clue that she means 10pm surely

He is a grown arse man !!!! Phone his parent🙄🙄🙄

perhaps they want his mum to drive around looking for him like he’s 13 and hs missed curfew? 😂

I read it that he'd been in touch at 10pm, not 10am.

I would not tolerate such poor behaviour at this stage of your lives.

I don't see the problem unless he's doing it every weekend. You are both adults and I don't see why you can't parent both of your children through the night.

I did assume 10 am from posts above.

If it is in fact 10 pm, it depends what was said...

If he said - I should be home by midnight or I'm on my last drink or I've booked the Uber, see you soon. - I would be worried by 2 am.

If he said - I'm catching up with mates, watching the match and having a ball. How are you coping? I'm on track for being home soon after closing - then I would not be worried until 4 am.

I also would not be worried if he had form for staying at a mate's house if that was safest.

Op is worried. So communication, expectation and assistance all need addressing.. lest the nights of worry regularly repeat.

Exactly. It’s 10pm, so not that unusual someone out drinking would stop messaging once they’ve had a few drinks.

No, went out yesterday evening, hadn't heard since 10PM surely? So only 4 hours no contacts at the time of messaging
Not missing, just not back yet.

@chocolateanddietcoke it would really depend on the circumstances for me. If he doesn't make a habit of this and you agreed he was having a night out then it thinknit would be unfair to be too upset about this. On the other hand, if he went out for a late lunch and just buggered off on an extended pub crawl without consultation I'd be livid. Context is crucial here!
And whilst I am sure it is tough with e small children, at 2 months is barely newborn still is it? Its not like he left you when you were barely home from the hospital.