To absolutely resent my husband right now?

[MrsResent]

Long story short.

My mother in law was diagnosed with a life limiting illness she's got about 5 years maybe more. Ever since finding out she's constantly been around us. Always wanting to stay overnight despite living a 10 minute drive away, she just turns up and stays the night.
I take her to hospital appointments, I go round and clean her house. I cook her dinners I see her pretty much nearly every day.
Yet she still insists on staying the night 2-3 times a week.

I am basically her carer & I just can't seem to get away she's always there. It's to much! Tonight we were supposed to have friends over and now we can't because she's here.
I've told DH he needs to calm down on the sleepovers but he just says she's poorly.
Yes she's poorly but she doesn't need overnight care yet!
I just resent him that I don't get a bloody break. All three of my children are disabled too it's to much. My parents are dead so it's not even like I can go stay at theirs to escape.

I don’t understand why you are doing it, she’s his mother! Stop doing so much, you are martyring yourself - you have enough on your plate with your kids.

Surely he needs to be doing the caring and cleaning? Why are you doing it all? It's his mum.

He won't clean he sat and watched me do it the over day I've told him I won't clean anymore. He doesn't drive so can't take her I don't mind driving that's fine, it's the overnights that's killing me off. It's complete and utter overkill. I'm a person who needs their space.

Why did you have to cancel the friends coming over? Could you not have had them over and just laid an extra place for your MIL? Or would the friends need to stay the night too and there’s no space for both?

Are there other siblings? Maybe you need to e.g. join a new gym and leave them for some time together.

Could your husband stay at her place sometimes to keep her company?

I've suggested that but she wants to get out of the house but she's been here since Tuesday!

Tell him to go stay with her instead, also why are you caring for her so much if you already care for 3 children your DH needs to get someone in to help his mum and a cleaner that's not your job , you literally can not look after everybody

He doesn’t drive? So refuse to go and get her. But he’s welcome to a lift to her place.

First post nailed it.
You're an adult OP. You can say no. There's no need for her to stay overnight. Grow a backbone OP.
(I mean this kindly 💗)

Can your husband learn to drive?

Tell her she needs to go home! That you'll take her right now.

I also feel sorry for your friends, they're now being impacted by this, albeit not hugely. This is not on

Sticking with your plan to have friends over would have been a good starting point in sorting this out.
"You can't stay tonight I've got friends coming over."

What would have happened if you'd just said that? What are we dealing with here?

Nothing will change until you stand up and say something. Your DH has made it clear he won’t be saying anything so the only other person who can, is you....

There’s only you who can change anything here

She wouldn't of been happy. Shes gave me the silent treatment a few times over the years one lasted a whole year.

@MrsResent go round her house and leave the pair of them at yours …!

How does she get to your house?
Can you just say no and not collect her?

Can you stay at hers when she is at yours?

@MrsResent the silent treatment for a year sounds good - you won’t have to go get her then.

Just about to write this! The silent treatment may work in your favour and your DH will have to step up.

You need to be ok with her being upset with you.

You also need your DH to take the lead on telling her no.

(But she’ll probably blame you anyway)

Bloody hell op just tell her no and let her sulk!! It sounds like she needs you (for company and as a driver) and will likely cave. 🙄

Figure out what boundaries you want to set and set them.

Year-long silent treatment sounds like a win!

Seriously, your DH needs to step up. This is HIS mother!!!

I'm not saying this lightly. You need to leave. You don't say how old she is but there's every chance this could take another 20 years of your life.

Do you have children? How old are they?