To absolutely resent my husband right now?

[MrsResent]

Long story short.

My mother in law was diagnosed with a life limiting illness she's got about 5 years maybe more. Ever since finding out she's constantly been around us. Always wanting to stay overnight despite living a 10 minute drive away, she just turns up and stays the night.
I take her to hospital appointments, I go round and clean her house. I cook her dinners I see her pretty much nearly every day.
Yet she still insists on staying the night 2-3 times a week.

I am basically her carer & I just can't seem to get away she's always there. It's to much! Tonight we were supposed to have friends over and now we can't because she's here.
I've told DH he needs to calm down on the sleepovers but he just says she's poorly.
Yes she's poorly but she doesn't need overnight care yet!
I just resent him that I don't get a bloody break. All three of my children are disabled too it's to much. My parents are dead so it's not even like I can go stay at theirs to escape.

He needs to go round her house and help her. Is there an issue in her home? Hoarding? Problems with boiler, mould? If so that needs sorting.
But tell him he must go to her house and sleep there sometimes if absolutely necessary. Or does she need carers to come a few times a day? Again if you can help engage that then she'll have less 'need' to be at yours.
Make an arrangement you're comfortable with where she comes round one day/evening a week or two weeks for a meal, then he takes her home.
Of course still be there from a distance.

I used to be a people pleaser too.
You need to prioritise your plans. If she is already involved in them, or not.
If she gets upset over it, your husband needs to take ownership of the situation.
You cannot be all things to all people.

That sounds like....a result?

Have your friends round, she won't be silent for long.

Go out.

At the start of the week tell her one night she can stay over this week, abs that's it. Children need support.

Go stay at hers, on your own. The only cleaning you do while there is what you need to make it comfortable for yourself. Invite your friends to come see you there.

My parents died when I was 15 and I think I'm clinging to this family.

She wants me to drive her in the snow next week, i despise driving in the snow my car isn't the best in it! She can't drive to that one.

Think im going to tell DH he'll need to sort her a taxi!

I know your MIL is ill but after five years you'll have lost your reason Op unless you make some changes. What she really wants is to live with her DS and she expects you to be her carer and companion, if you're not up for that you need to put your foot down with your DH because at the moment he's happy to leave it all to you

Well, frankly, she gets five more goes at this if her prognosis is correct... sorry, but you are being mugged off here... this is not reasonable and you are allowed to rebel. With three disabled kids, you have enough on your plate. 🤗

Draw some lines. For your kids' sake and your own.

Oh bless you, darling. That is tough. But I hope you can see you need to be your own family with your own kids now, do it your way. I don't have any snap answers, but start with thinking 'I must look after myself now' and you will be your best self for your children.

That’s too much when you’re busy. Next time she’s over, bugger off to hers for some space.

Tell him to move in with her.
Stop driving her ANYWHERE.
Stop cooking or cleaning.
They are both using and abusing you.

Better he moves out and you look for support from SS, than be used and abused for years by them.

You deserve better than this.

Think about giving Women's aid a call for a chat for support.

You have too much on your plate.

@MrsResent 100% this!

Hi all,

If his mum needs full time care then she should go in a home. This is not your job; you have your own life to lead.

Yours,

Southernponies