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Relationships

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What are some good relationship advice you got from older people around you ?

54 replies

angel109 · 12/11/2024 14:23

What are some good relationship advice you ever received from older people ?

I'll go first.

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years so far and she is the woman I want to be with. She is a good woman overall. We did talk about marriage. We don't live together yet. We won't live together until marriage.

But i was raised by my single father and I have 5 brothers.

Here are important relationship advice that my father gave me.

Make sure you work hard and know how to save money in order to provide. Women like hard working men who can provide for them and protect them.

Do the household chores without her having to ask you to do so. The last thing a woman wants is to baby a grown man. Don't expect her to cook for you either. It's up to you to cook for yourself.

Have your own car and your own house before you even think about getting into a relationship. It's important to be 100 percent independent and never rely on your woman for anything. Don't even ask her for rides. If your car breaks down, take the bus or train to work.

Always pay for all the dates. Yes even if you go out for your birthday, still pay for everything.

And last but not least, be mysterious.

Don't be too open and vulnerable to your woman. Don't talk to her about your childhood memories or bad childhood trials that you went thro, don't talk about your bad days at work. Even if you have a bad day at your job, come home with a smile and a positive attitude and tell her your day was wonderful when she asks you how your day was. Don't ever tell her about any of your relatives dying and don't grieve and get emotional in front of her. If you need to cry it out, do it in the shower and make sure you lock your door. Keep any struggles and vulnerabilities to yourself. Even she says that you can feel free to be open with her and confide in her.

OP posts:
ScupperedbytheSea · 12/11/2024 14:49

Hey, the 1950s called. They want you back.

Girlmom35 · 12/11/2024 15:07

None of this would make you attractive to me as a partner.
Other than the one about doing household chores without being asked, but in the larger perspective that's also just a way to keep an emotional distance between you and this woman.

Most women would (and should) run away from those red flags.

angel109 · 12/11/2024 15:09

Girlmom35 · 12/11/2024 15:07

None of this would make you attractive to me as a partner.
Other than the one about doing household chores without being asked, but in the larger perspective that's also just a way to keep an emotional distance between you and this woman.

Most women would (and should) run away from those red flags.

All the things are mentioned shouldn't be my SO's business. Things like childhood and bad days at work.

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 12/11/2024 15:11

You were told by loads of people on previous threads that things like hiding the death of your relative from your partner is a massive red flag.

It's downright odd to not mention a family death to a housemate, let alone a partner.

Girlmom35 · 12/11/2024 15:11

angel109 · 12/11/2024 15:09

All the things are mentioned shouldn't be my SO's business. Things like childhood and bad days at work.

Do you also feel like your SO's childhood and bad days at work aren't your business and you shouldn't be bothered with them? That your SO shouldn't show any vulnerability around you, show no emotions?

ARichtGoodDram · 12/11/2024 15:12

If you're not prepared to be a partner - sharing the good and bad in both your lives - then you shouldn't be in a relationship imo

clarkkentsglasses · 12/11/2024 15:13

Good advise?

Stay single.

angel109 · 12/11/2024 15:13

ARichtGoodDram · 12/11/2024 15:12

If you're not prepared to be a partner - sharing the good and bad in both your lives - then you shouldn't be in a relationship imo

I am ready to be a partner to my SO. But me on the other hand, I don't need her to be there for me in return. I am a man at the end of the day.

OP posts:
gannett · 12/11/2024 15:18

Every one of those would be a turn-off to me except the first two which are neutral.

Working hard and earning your own money is a life skill that you need to do for yourself but I don't find a man who wants to be a provider especially appealing.

Household admin and chores are also something you should do for yourself whether you're in a relationship or not (and as a fairly slatternly woman I can't say this has ever been a criterion for me either).

The rest, god, it must be exhausting going around thinking it's so important to uphold traditional, rigid gender roles.

gannett · 12/11/2024 15:19

angel109 · 12/11/2024 15:13

I am ready to be a partner to my SO. But me on the other hand, I don't need her to be there for me in return. I am a man at the end of the day.

What the fuck does this even mean

angel109 · 12/11/2024 15:20

gannett · 12/11/2024 15:19

What the fuck does this even mean

That means I love her and I want to have her back but I don't expect anything from her in return.

OP posts:
gannett · 12/11/2024 15:22

angel109 · 12/11/2024 15:20

That means I love her and I want to have her back but I don't expect anything from her in return.

OK. The point of a relationship is to have each other's backs because both of us are going to go through good times and bad times. It's mutual.

MounjaroUser · 12/11/2024 15:23

I am ready to be a partner to my SO. But me on the other hand, I don't need her to be there for me in return. I am a man at the end of the day.

It's so hard to read this without my eyes rolling out of my head. Are you serious? Does your definition of a man mean never wanting support from a woman, even if someone close to you has died?

sonjadog · 12/11/2024 15:23

I think your list is rather sad, and you will end up lonely, on your own or in your relationship, if you follow it. Your partner will probably feel lonely too. I would suggest opening up and sharing will create a better relationship than this list.

Just because your Dad told you this, doesn't mean that it is true or profound. Don't take this list as more than someone's very subjective opinion.

angel109 · 12/11/2024 15:24

MounjaroUser · 12/11/2024 15:23

I am ready to be a partner to my SO. But me on the other hand, I don't need her to be there for me in return. I am a man at the end of the day.

It's so hard to read this without my eyes rolling out of my head. Are you serious? Does your definition of a man mean never wanting support from a woman, even if someone close to you has died?

Yes that's correct. A grown man should be fully independent.

OP posts:
VaddaABeetch · 12/11/2024 15:24

What a man, what a man, what a mighty fine man? All mysterious like?

Attelina · 12/11/2024 15:25

I love a manly man but quite frankly you sound like a wimp who's trying to be a manly man and you sound patronising and dull.

angel109 · 12/11/2024 15:26

Attelina · 12/11/2024 15:25

I love a manly man but quite frankly you sound like a wimp who's trying to be a manly man and you sound patronising and dull.

Just curious. What is your definition of a manly man ?

OP posts:
gannett · 12/11/2024 15:27

angel109 · 12/11/2024 15:26

Just curious. What is your definition of a manly man ?

Someone who doesn't ascribe traits like "independent" and "strong" to either gender.

angel109 · 12/11/2024 15:28

gannett · 12/11/2024 15:27

Someone who doesn't ascribe traits like "independent" and "strong" to either gender.

Men are often told they must be the strong one and be the rock In the relationship.

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 12/11/2024 15:28

I am ready to be a partner to my SO. But me on the other hand, I don't need her to be there for me in return. I am a man at the end of the day.

Being a closed book unable to share basics like family doesn't make you a man in the way you think it does.

And you're absolutely not being a partner. Being a partner is about sharing your life. Both of you. If you're not even prepared to tell her a relative died then she's a flat mate that you have sex with

Girlmom35 · 12/11/2024 15:29

angel109 · 12/11/2024 15:24

Yes that's correct. A grown man should be fully independent.

And this is why men account for about 80% of the suicides, 4 times more than women.

Go ahead and live your life like that. Be petrified of vulnerability. Keep believing that you're unloveable if you every show any emotion. Let's meet here again in 40 years and you can tell us all about how lonely, miserable and unfulfilled your life has been.

TheMoonismadeofcheese · 12/11/2024 15:30

angel109 · 12/11/2024 14:23

What are some good relationship advice you ever received from older people ?

I'll go first.

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years so far and she is the woman I want to be with. She is a good woman overall. We did talk about marriage. We don't live together yet. We won't live together until marriage.

But i was raised by my single father and I have 5 brothers.

Here are important relationship advice that my father gave me.

Make sure you work hard and know how to save money in order to provide. Women like hard working men who can provide for them and protect them.

Do the household chores without her having to ask you to do so. The last thing a woman wants is to baby a grown man. Don't expect her to cook for you either. It's up to you to cook for yourself.

Have your own car and your own house before you even think about getting into a relationship. It's important to be 100 percent independent and never rely on your woman for anything. Don't even ask her for rides. If your car breaks down, take the bus or train to work.

Always pay for all the dates. Yes even if you go out for your birthday, still pay for everything.

And last but not least, be mysterious.

Don't be too open and vulnerable to your woman. Don't talk to her about your childhood memories or bad childhood trials that you went thro, don't talk about your bad days at work. Even if you have a bad day at your job, come home with a smile and a positive attitude and tell her your day was wonderful when she asks you how your day was. Don't ever tell her about any of your relatives dying and don't grieve and get emotional in front of her. If you need to cry it out, do it in the shower and make sure you lock your door. Keep any struggles and vulnerabilities to yourself. Even she says that you can feel free to be open with her and confide in her.

Absolute nonsense.

Isometimeswonder · 12/11/2024 15:31

I supported my husband through his parents' deaths. I didn't need him to be strong and brave. It was better that he grieved.

Crikeyalmighty · 12/11/2024 15:31

Ok as a 62 year old twice married woman here are my personal dos and don'ts

Have a balance between being available and having interests and friends of your own- a bloke who is around all the time can get very tedious, same with one who is forever playing golf/at the pub and leaving you with all chores and childcare

Cook occasionally ( obviously if you love it cook more) - and clear up after you all - do some housework unasked

Know where your stuff is- keep track of it - do not make your partner constantly feel like your mother - it's huge turn off

Don't be 'tight' - there's a big difference between being sensible around money and being downright mean - on the other hand don't insist on a champagne lifestyle whilst beer money wages are the order of the day- reverse is true if you are well off

Do not think it's ok to have sleazy viewing or texting habits of any kind without knowing how your partner feels about it - don't presume they are ok with porn or you texting loads of 'old friends' or commenting on Instagram models etc