Am I being love bombed?

[N3wUs3rNam3Again]

Good evening.

So I've recently started dating a guy after a few years being on my own, to say I'm out of practice is an understatement so looking for some advice.

We met a year or so ago at an event we both regularly attend and gradually got to know eachother, we seemed to connect really well and there was definite chemistry between us, we eventually swapped numbers about 4 months ago and have started dating since. From quite early on he has worn his heart on his sleeve, he's very flattering and seems very in to me but I'm just not sure I buy it. I like spending time with him, I think he's attractive, but he's very over the top, say's he's never felt this way before, I'm his soul mate, he knew when he first saw me we we're destined to be together and when we've not seen each other for a few days he'll say he misses me. He often asks how I feel about him and asks if I miss him back and I'm finding it all a little premature. What do you think, am I right to be wary or should I give the poor bloke a chance?

Give him a chance. Love bombing is buying loads of presents, fancy holidays jewellery etc isn't it? If he's sending flowers everyday and hiring a string quartet to entertain you on the bus home that's lovely bombing.

If you’re wary you’re probably not going to properly feel at ease although it depends on whether you don’t believe anyone can feel that way about you

I'd find that irritating 😆

Can you get him to dial it back a bit? Seems like he's smitten and excited but it must be overwhelming

Trust your instincts

Yes. I’d say it’s live bombing. You’re my soul mate chat after 4 months? What is he, 15? I think you should listen to your gut. If you want to keep seeing him, keep your guard up a little longer. You don’t need to reciprocate his advances in the same overt way. When he says these things, what do you say? I would say something like, “Listen, I enjoy your company and you’re a lovely chap but this is a little intense for my liking and I’d like you to cool it a bit. It’s only been 4 months. You don’t even know me to claim I’m your soul mate.” See how he reacts to that. You might get enough feedback from his response to gauge if he’s full of it or not. A genuinely nice guy would accept that and just cool it a bit. A potentially abusive guy might sulk, give you the silent treatment or play the poor victim who was just expressing his feelings. It will show if he respects you and your boundaries or if it’s all about him.

Yes I’d be very wary that he’s being ridiculously OTT so soon and I do suspect there’s an element of love bombing. I’d definitely see a few red flags.

You can be emotionally love bombed too. It doesn’t have to be gifts and expensive things. Broke losers will love bomb women by telling them everything they want to hear.

No love bombing can be future faking, showering with affection and OTT declarations very early on. The words in the OP are definitely flags of love bombing

Thanks all for your responses.

@stayathomer it's not that I don't believe someone could feel that way about me, but I'm not sure he really does, it's just so soon and we're still getting to know eachother.

@CalicoPusscat yes he says he's smitten and maybe he is, but it's certainly irritating and it's pushing me away rather than pulling me in.

@TipsyJoker thanks good advice. I agree and I will be keeping my guard up. I have told him I like him, find him attractive and that I'm enjoying getting to know him and when he's asked if I miss him too, I've told him no I don't I've only seen him however many days ago. I do maybe need to be more frank and perhaps tell him that actually I'm finding it all a bit overwhelming and premature, so will do that next time we meet up

Very well could be.
What you describe would give me the total ick.
Too much.
Too needy.
Very unattractive.

Which is the shame as I did/do really enjoy spending time with him, but then I get all this bollocks sent to me over WhatsApp.

If you really like him then tell him you’re finding it a bit too much too soon.

Hopefully if he’s genuine he’ll take it on board

he's never felt this way before, I'm his soul mate, he knew when he first saw me we we're destined to be together

Very red flaggy and trampling over your potential boundaries IMO.

I’ve been dating someone who is super into me for the best part of a year now. He’s made it very clear he wants there to be a long future for us together but he has been very grounded in the way he talks about his feelings and that future, and never gotten into this over-romanticized kind of drivel.

That’s not to say he’s just not romantic - he’s very lovely and does small, sweet things for me often - but he’s not OTT or making grandiose claims or gestures.

I’d see this as the guy wanting to get you locked in/over-committed early so that later on when the rose-tinted glasses cone off, it’s harder to extract yourself.

Maybe depends on how old you both are. Old enough to know better or truly loves young dream.

Sounds like old enough to know better.

I'm old enough to know better and he's a few years older than me!

Hmm my DH said the same sort of things when we were dating..we're married now with a baby on the way and he's still the same! Very affectionate and misses me when we're apart. I felt the same way so never found it too much or strange. Do you feel the same way as him?

No I most definitely do not feel the way he purportedly feels. I do enjoy spending time with him, but I was definitely more interested in him before he started with the over the top declarations.

My ex was like this. Then I got pregnant a few months in and I honestly think he was poking holes in condoms or slyly took it off or something. As soon as I was past the point of abortion the love bombing morphed into control "because he loved me so much" when I pushed back he got angry again he excuse led it because he was so overwhelmed with love he couldn't help it and eventually was violent.

So I say yes love bombing and if you want to continue seeing him ensure your contraception isn't his responsibility

Red Flag for me then.

It would be a red flag for me having experienced similar.

@N3wUs3rNam3Again I agree with you, it's too much at an early stage when he must know it's not mutual, not so soon. It's either extreme naivety and insecurity, or extreme manipulation. Neither good.

I'd say it's normal to be wary... That's how we women keep ourselves safe. I've been far too trusting in the past and have been burnt. Explain to him that you want to take things a lot slower and you need more time. It's not unreasonable especially if you are going to make it the distance. Do you know much about his past ? Does he talk about it ?

It's either love bombing, or some anxiety related mental health issue. Either way, it's not normal, and I can see why you find it off putting. I would too.