Husband upset over being out a little longer while getting groceries.

[Mommabear12660]

Hey ladies!
I need some advice. The past two evening I have been out for a couple hours (one for a ladies group, other for groceries). My husband just got a new job, but up until then I’ve been basically single parenting. Him not getting home until 7pm. Now he gets home at 5 PTL! After the ladies group I got home at 9pm. He wasn’t upset. The next evening I was suppose to get groceries during the day but got too exhausted (I’m a SAHM and homeschool.) I had made sourdough, done chores around the house and homeschooled our son. So I told him I needed to go when he gets home. Makes it easier since I won’t have the kids. He was upset about it and told me I shouldn’t have got it done while he was at work. But I had to go so I said I’ll try to be quick. Fast forward I decided to go to two extra stores and was enjoying being alone. I got home by 9pm. He was extremely upset and showed it. So far to bring up the fact I’m on antidepressants and shouldn’t be because postpartum shouldn’t last this long (random, I know). He brings that up ever so often idk why, the medication has helped me function. Anyways we haven’t been able to resolve the conflict. I told him I feel like he’s trying to parent me and that we are adults. Going to two extra stores shouldn’t cause all of this..

Getting home at 9pm does seem excessive for a food shop?

It took 4 hours for you to buy some groceries ?

If it was every night then fair enough he couldn't mention it. But two random nights then he should just cope .
Seems daft to argue over it.
Is it that he doesn't want to watch his dc? Or is it because he wanted to spend time with you

You went out for 4 hours to do the food shop leaving him to do dinner and bedtime by himself? I would be annoyed too.

Why was he extremely upset?

Are you on antidepressants because of your relationship?

He wanted to spend time with me! So I understand. But he decided to be so upset we ended up not spending any time together

Reason he's annoyed is not that you went to 2 more stores
It's that you chose to do it after you said you would try to be quick

He needs to realise though that what he's experiencing now is what you have been doing for a long time...

I get you are enjoying a bit more freedom, but you need better communication and maybe online shopping!

How old is your son - can he go shopping with you? Some great homeschool opportunities there

And maybe not make sourdough when pushed for time. It's nice, but not a priority/essential

@Lifeglowup no. I left around 6pm and also fed the kids. Sourdough PBJS

@jackstini this is solid advice! Thank you! About the sourdough - we do that instead of store bough bread. We just feel better with it and my husband also loves it.

@username7891 I’m not sure. He does tend to be very unpredictable with his emotions. But I think he’s working on it

@jackstini i have a 3 year old and 5 year old. And yes definitely craving some freedom here. LOL!

Sounds like it was poor communication on all sides.

What’s your relationship usually like?

@Imperrysmum i guess it could be. We live out in the country so some of that is drive time.

I think in relationships it's polite to clear things with the other when you have young kids or at least let them know. I'd probably be a bit annoyed if dh said he was just doing a quick shop and ended up being gone for 3 hours over bedtime. I value clear communication so we all know where we stand. If do said I've had a head wreck if a day so am going to do the shop and then browse for a bit to clear my head that would be fine, just pissing off, not so much.

@Lifeglowup we've definitely had it rough in our marriage. But we have made progress. This has been one problem we’ve had for a while. I just really like having time to myself since I stay home so much. I do need to communicate better.

From 6-9pm was a long time. I get that you enjoyed a bit of lone time. Why didn’t you ring him to say you were going to these extra stores?

@GhostCicada yeah it was more so I had a rough day. And it really helped me to take my time and walk around to clear my head.

It’s not because you were late it was because you were late when you had specifically said that you would be quick and didn’t even let him know

I understand your feelings but id be pissed if my DH nipped out “quickly” and didn’t return for hours.

if he’s expecting me home then he’ll potter round waiting for me so we can watch something on tv together. If he knows I’m out for a few hours then he’ll get himself some food and settle down to watch a film by himself. Could it be that he was perhaps doing similar? I.e waiting for you when he could have been doing something by himself?

So you wanted child/home free time why not just say I need to get away from the house for a breather I'm going to do a few things? Is he controlling?

@Fireworknight that was my fault for not telling him. I guess I have this thing where I just want to feel free for an evening without anyone whining at me. That sounds horrible but truelly how I feel.

@n27 when I got home he was on his computer working and continued to the rest of the night. I tried to nudge him about getting off but he wouldn’t.

I think it would have been courteous of you to send him a quick message after 90 mins to say you'd be a bit longer. I'd be a bit worried if my DH went to Asda and took three hours!

You realise mums do this daily right? He can cope just fine