Red flag or mismatched sense of humour?

[Charlottedancer]

I have been in a relationship with someone which is becoming more serious. Last night in bed I was reading up comments/ reviews on a TV series I'm really enjoying at the minute. I casually mentioned what I was looking up and reading on my phone when he was chatting to me. He then scoffed and called me 'an imbecile'. Said how he'd never care about what anyone else thinks of a show and would be watching it regardless. I was really taken back at the name he called me, and also the strange impression he was implying. I said I was just looking to read up to see if anyone else thought some of the things I thought....I suppose I bit like this forum. Wanting opinions, reading chat about topics I'm interested in. I am really headstrong and do think for myself, I feel he was implying otherwise. So I was hurt and angry that he didn't seem to know me and also that he was putting me down snd laughing.

This may seem very trivial, but it stung and I'm very sensitive to watching for dickhead behaviour after a previous relationship. At the same time, I don't want the negative experiences to push anyone decent away now. I didn't get a chance to talk about it, other than say I was hurt, it was a weird thing to say and it was also an incorrect observation.

Couple of other possible amber flags. Talking about these is possible, however he usually stays firm in his opinion regardless, but hears me out. He says its just his humor.

When we get on, things are really good. I'm very confused.

Oh I haven't heard of that, I'll check it out thanks @Soocks 😀

He pushed into old people in the supermarket?!

That is dreadful

I know, I know. At the reduced section. I get it's dog eat dog over the reduced ready meals, but his view was, they are being rude not moving for him. They probably didn't see him with their poor eye sight. If they'd bumped together ( in their excitement- pensions dont bloody stretch beyond reduced food!) and when they'd said sorry, he'd just hold his ground and ignore. Really rude and really cringy. Everything seemed like a challenge or a disrespect to towards him. It's their fault for having poor spacial awareness, type thing.
Gosh, what was I thinking.

You see it becomes a constant litany of rudeness and superiority, callousness and arrogance. Even towards you...and eventually, especially towards you.

Dear God @Charlottedancer what were you thinking???? You gave him far too much 'twat' leeway.

celebrate your freedom!

the minute he was that way about pensioners I'd have dumped his arse,

What a horrible man, you deserve so much better!!

get your 'twat' level serviced for the next one!! Mines in the workshop! 😂

His point I think, was that I was flawed because he was convinced that I was reading up on reviews ( opinions) on a show and therefore only influenced by other people on whether to watch it ( i was 2.5 series deep)?

I often read reviews and opinions on films and TV series.

I'll often be thinking things about them - the things that don't make much sense or aren't very credible or aren't in character ...or I'll wonder why a character is supposed to have done something, what people think someone motivations are for dolng something (if it's not explicit in the film/series), all kinds of things ..... and then I'll Google to see if other people are discussing it.
Recently for example, I wondered what people think of the character Beth Dutton in Yellowstone and whether they think she's well written/credible etc.

I thought most people do that.

I mean there are forums and YouTube comments etc with thousands of people discussing TV series.

So his thinking is extremely strange

In any case his choice of word is very offensive.

And yes, as another poster said, using "humour" as an excuse for being offensive .

I always wonder if someone called a man like him a retard and then claimed it's just their sense of humour and he lacks a sense of humour of it bothers him ..... what his reaction would be.

The other things are just making him sound worse.

I'm sure there's some psychological theory re. this - about how they see a partner as an extension of themselves.

Along similar lines - at the most extreme end - as men who see their partners and kids as an extension of themselves, and thus disposable if they wish to dispose of them in murder/murder suicides.

Oh no are you recovering from a high level twat? My friend IRL thinks I should give him another chance after an honest chat and stronger boundaries. I told her it would be flogging a dead horse. She reckons the dating pool is just full of it and he was decent enough....a dick but apparently they all are!

Someone who called you an imbecile??!!

For doing the very ordinary thing of looking at discussion forums/reviews of a TV series you were watching??

Not even getting on to the other stuff.

She has loooow standards.

Anyway is, "they are all dickheads and shits so I'll just be with a dickhead/shit" really a good life strategy?

I don't think I know any man who'd call their partner an imbecile - for reading some reviews or discussions of a TV show they're watching. And these are not stellar, exceptional men.

Tell your mate she’s welcome to him if she thinks he’s all that and a bag of chips.

So your mate thinks because there are a load of dickheads out there then you should ignore their dickheadness and just settle for one who isn’t quite as dickheady as some others?

I’d rather stay single tbh

I know, she doesn't want me to be rash apparently, but this was brewing for a while now. He was decent in bed so I hung on way longer than I should. But the fog has lifted. I would make his life miserable if I tried to stay with him, he deserves to find someone who can tolerate whatever all that was, and love him regardless. I'd not be able to keep my mouth shut and it would all be far too much work. In fairness, my friend has had some horrible experiences, so what I describe may be not be that bad in comparison- her twat o meter is skewed!
He actually saw a picture of my friend and said ( all in his great humour, of course)...'it's a good job I came across you first....'. Charming. Maybe I should introduce them.

Me too. I'd rather have peace and quiet than waiting for the next 'joke'.

Your friend seriously thought you should give this pensioner pusher a second chance? Maybe she would like to meet him and share his cut-price ready meals and listen to his stupid opinions. Honestly though you lost me at TikTok.

Oh that's how you spell it, ha! TikTok! Thank you.

🤣🤣

It's complicated 😂. Isn't it always?! Or I suppose it's probably just 'hard'

I disagree with your friend, either you haven't told her what you've said here, or she is just too jaded by the dating pool.

you can't change his personality by setting stronger boundaries.

if you took him back he'd be a bigger knob & you'd be here again, having wasted months/years trying to fix the unfixable.

you've ripped the bandaid off, chuck it in the bin & move forward!! You've got this!!

Your now ex (congrats on that) had more red flags 🚩 than a commie convention. Any man who calls you “imbecile” at the begining of a relationship is very very bad news.

You dodged a bullet OP.