Red flag or mismatched sense of humour?

[Charlottedancer]

I have been in a relationship with someone which is becoming more serious. Last night in bed I was reading up comments/ reviews on a TV series I'm really enjoying at the minute. I casually mentioned what I was looking up and reading on my phone when he was chatting to me. He then scoffed and called me 'an imbecile'. Said how he'd never care about what anyone else thinks of a show and would be watching it regardless. I was really taken back at the name he called me, and also the strange impression he was implying. I said I was just looking to read up to see if anyone else thought some of the things I thought....I suppose I bit like this forum. Wanting opinions, reading chat about topics I'm interested in. I am really headstrong and do think for myself, I feel he was implying otherwise. So I was hurt and angry that he didn't seem to know me and also that he was putting me down snd laughing.

This may seem very trivial, but it stung and I'm very sensitive to watching for dickhead behaviour after a previous relationship. At the same time, I don't want the negative experiences to push anyone decent away now. I didn't get a chance to talk about it, other than say I was hurt, it was a weird thing to say and it was also an incorrect observation.

Couple of other possible amber flags. Talking about these is possible, however he usually stays firm in his opinion regardless, but hears me out. He says its just his humor.

When we get on, things are really good. I'm very confused.

Well done OP, you should be proud of yourself! The sadness will pass and you’ll just be left with the strength and clarity of your action, and self respect.

Well done. Did he cry?

He actually didn't. I can't help but think his response was very calculated..a swift exit, no emotion, just a ....well I'll respect how you feel and leave, we are adults and you aren't feeling it. On the surface, this sounds like a lovely and mature response, but might just be another of his...look how cold and collected and in control I am. I'm trying not to take his apathy to heart.

Thank you, I really appreciate that.

I'm trying not to take his apathy to heart.

I wouldn't read too much into that. If the shoe was on the other foot and he'd been the one doing the dumping, everyone here would have told you to respond exactly like he did - nonchalantly.

His was a very calculated response, but that is his right.

He's a twat and he's not your problem any more.
You have created space for a nicer man.
Well done.

Thank you 😊

I was about to reply that you are spot on and your instinct has served you well. I see you have already taken action. Well done. It really does sound like you've dodged a bullet. As soon as contempt rears its head it's doomed. Calling you an imbecile for innocently enjoying something is dreadful. It felt bad because it was.

You did absolutely the right thing. It's been making me laugh actually, what does he think review sites are all about? Does he never read reviews on Amazon before buying something? Anyway he's a complete idiot and you are well rid. Onwards and upwards!

This is how it starts. I’m so glad you trusted your instincts.

My dw watches things I've no interest in IE Corrie, Emmerdale I'd never call her an imbecile for it.its something she enjoys and I'm happy for her that it's a pleasure in her life.

His point I think, was that I was flawed because he was convinced that I was reading up on reviews ( opinions) on a show and therefore only influenced by other people on whether to watch it ( i was 2.5 series deep)? It seemed more of a springboard for him into monologuing about why he is such an independent thinker and obviously better than me and everybody else. I do sometimes look up reviews of something while I weigh up committing to watch it. This wasn't one of those times, but it doesn't really matter. He just constructed an opportunity to show me how superior he was.

What you did was completely normal.
I have often really enjoyed films and series the critics slate.

I too often check out views on line.

I thought everyone did that...its so obvious 😁.

What a twat. An insecure twat clearly.

I agree OP.
It's actually very unpleasant behaviour, subtle yet insidious. Calling you an imbecile was both rude and controlling. What you pass the time reading about is absolutely nothing to do with him. You are right...he was seeking opportunities to demean you.
I doubt it's anything to do with you personally...he would likely be this way with anyone.

Good call on your part.

It's a good thing he voiced his opinion instead of keeping it to himself. Now you know what he's really like and you don't have to waste anymore time on him. We'll done for taking action!

Such a weird take from him. I often look up reviews and discussion about shows I really like, mostly because I find it funny that rotten tomatoes/imdb reviews are often pretty bad for my favourite shows, so clearly I have no taste and could never be a TV critic

Then I find a reddit thread of die hard fans and I'm like ah, I've found my tribe.

Doesn't change my opinion of the show, and I find that people that wang on about being an 'independent thinker' and not being a sheep are often the absolute worst for struggling with true critical thinking and forming their own opinions!

Haha, I'm the same... I watched that show The Curse and was like, WTF was that? Rotten Tomatoes gave it a really high score!

Yes funny you should say that. He is very opinionated about everything. Quite a few things he's told me his opinion on that I have an interest in, I've noticed when I've asked a question to talk deeper about it, he became fumbled. I think most of his information comes from tick tock videos. Nothing against people using that app- but if something sparks interest, surely a 30sec clip isn't where you'd just accept the information and not ever research it in more detail to work out whether you accept the videos view? It probably annoyed him that I did have some input that gave alternative angles.

Today I am battling the idea that no one is perfect and maybe I was too hypercritical of him. Everyone is just trying their best. Over time, his attitude would irritate me and drive me over the edge. He's not a bad person, just not the one for me. Maybe long term relationships have mastered compromise more than I can manage!

Are you happy to be called an imbecile again op? Maybe in front of others next time.

No one is perfect indeed, but some personality traits are deal breakers for good reason. This was an example of such a trait. I admire you for not selling yourself short.

I think if this is his "humour" then you two aren't suited. One thing that's important in a relationship is communication, and humour is a part of that. But you know that calling your partner an idiot in this way (ie. not fondly) is not on. Find someone nice 🙂
Hopefully his next partner will lamp him one on the jaw when he calls her an imbecile.

OP don't second guess yourself. It sounds as though he was setting himself up as superior to you, belittling you, insulting you and then brushing it away with the "I'm just joking, can't you take a joke" old chestnut. Those are really common behaviours of twatty men.

OP I am sorry to laugh but an opinionated man in his 40’s who is not easily influenced looks to Tik Tok for information? I mean the absolute irony.
You did brilliantly nipping this in the bud now. It never gets better.
The last two types I met like this both said ‘I am not like other men, I am a maverick, Peggy!’ That’s a coincidence is it not? That these free-thinking, opinionated men are all insulting, never listen to others, and are about as deep as the shallow end in a baby pool.
When I’m watching a series my OH laughs at the levels I go to in order to deep dive, not only about the show, everyone in it, who they are in really life, who they have been out with, what other shows they have been in.
The word imbecile is horrible, by the way.
Pity the poor woman who gets him next. If we could only leave reviews on these men - Rotten Tomatoes would take on a whole new meaning!

Oooh that made chuckle @PeggyMitchellsCameo ! The absolute cheek of him, is right! I didn't mind him having his arm chair politics as long ad it made him happy, but to direct his bs at me was a step too far. And better to know early on. And thank you for getting the obsession....when I find something I love, I can't get enough information but it doesn't do anyone any harm!