Sister in law just said she has ordered our niece something for her birthday, from her, her husband, me and my fiance??

[dublinderby34]

I mean, i don't know if to be grateful or feel a bit uneasy. She is fairly controlling over my fiance as it is, now she is ordering birthday presents for our nephew and asking for half the money from my fiance and saying its from us? It takes the fun out of us looking/going shopping together for our nephew.

should i reply and say ok thanks but we have something in mind for christmas? what the hell do i even reply to this??

I would tell her you've already done your Christmas shopping and leave it at that.

but i need to ask her mum what she would like for xmas - so she will know i havent already done it

If you are asking her what to buy, you can’t be annoyed she bought it and cut out the admin.
She can be 100% sure her child actually gets the “ideas” etc.

I hate people asking for ideas off me- essentially doing the mental load then taking the credit.
I would prefer to just order it myself.

i didnt ask her what to buy - there are 2 sisters. one with the kids, and this one that told me what she has bought from me

She's always told you what she'd like - the thing she's ordered. Rude to do it that way, sure, but what's to be gained by kicking up a fuss? Just go along with it but say in future ideas are welcome but you'd like to do your own shopping.

she hasnt told me anything - there are 2 sisters and this is the one without kids

Sorry, this appeared while I was replying, I thought the sister in question was the nephew's mum.

no - does that change things? no this is a sister that does not have kids - and text me saying this is what i have bought xxxx from me you my partner and her partner

It’s not really from you though is it, it’s from your parter. It’s likely your partner is a rubbish uncle and doesn’t try very hard so his sister buys the gifts from them both. I imagine your partner was probably very happy with this set up.

Either way it’s your partners family and his niece, it’s his say not yours.

Edit: ah it is for the nephew. I would let your fiancé deal with that.

I'd let your fiancé lead on this one - what are his views? Or send a text saying "Oh, OK. Will do that for this year but would prefer to do our own buying for niece going forward as we really enjoy choosing and wrapping so please count us out of joint gifts in future".

Is it more than he wanted to spend? If so, I'd be really blunt with someone like this and say, thanks, but I don't need anyone else spending my money for me, if you'd let me know in advance I would have told you that's out of our budget.

If it's not out of budget I'm not seeing the issue, just tick the recipient off the list and buy for everyone else.

However it's up to your fiancé to do this as she's his sister and not even your SIL yet, really, so you need to step back and stay out of it.

I'd also leave it to your fiancé to deal with. If he's happy with the arrangement so be it - they're his family. If he isn't happy, it's up to him to sort it.
Just bear in mind that if you start making presents for his family your business now, then it's likely to be so forever. You may not mind of course, but it's something that becomes a burden to many women as time goes on and their partner increasingly abdicates responsibility for his own family.

if it was my partners nephew I'd be taking ZERO notice anyway, thats his call what his nephew gets and how much he spends.

But if it was my nephew, i'd be annoyed it was done without any discussion beforehand of "want to go halves on X for Nephew". I'd probably just send them money if it seemed a good idea within my usual budget, else would say nope, i have my own plan.

Just say that's fine, I've already bought a gift

I bet she only writes 2 names on the tag... Just tell her your Xmas shopping is done. It can't be that hard to come up with your own gift idea surely?. Howay op. Grown ups don't let other grown ups dictate how they spend their own cash!!

just buy her a gift without asking! you don't want to be railroaded into chipping in, don't - perhaps it will teach your SIL a lesson not to spend your money without agreeing in advance.

Well the OP seems to want to dictate how her partner spends his own cash on his own niece!

It changes my understanding of your post. I thought you meant the child's mum had bought the present (to be from you) and that you weren't happy about this, but then wanted to ask the child's mum for other present ideas. So you can ignore my previous posts 🙂

so would you be annoyed if it was a different sister all together?

were about to be married - its our money? and yes i would like to buy my neice her own present - im 35 years old?

She is fairly controlling over my fiance as it is,

What else has been going on there?
And how is your fiancé feeling about her behaviour?

I think buying a gift 'from you' without consulting you is rude, whoever is doing the buying. You're totally in your rights to say no. I'd probably just go along with it though unless it was out of budget, and then say you'll be buying your own gifts in future.

right but how do i say that without being rude or her making it out like i am making an issue out of something

Somebody did this at work once. Ordered a thank you present and gave it to a colleague (we didn’t even see it, nor were we credited as far as I could see) and then sent round a bill for us all to pay. Outrageous. She was a high earning senior too!

You can’t buy something on someone else’s behalf without getting agreement first. I’d be raging about this op. I still haven’t gotten over the work thing and that was years ago! Don’t let her get away with it or it’ll create a precedent.