Do you read your DH's post, emails, phone messages?

[Moosma]

I do and always have done and he reads mine too, we think nothing of it and would both become suspcious if the other person requested the other not too (does that make any sense?).

So, do you? And if not, why?

I suppose I do but I'm not looking for evidence of affairs or anything sinister. The house phone messages are obviously public, sometimes I need to find a message in his business email (I'm his MD and he's the most disorganised member of staff) but I never need to look at his other email accounts.

I wouldn't open his post unless it was definitely business-related. I don't think I've ever used his mobile phone. And his laptop is beyond geeky.

Partly for privacy and partly because I can't be bothered.

No, I don't. HAve opened the odd business letter accidentally, its not a problem. I don't know his pin numbers for cash machine, either.

I do open his mail if it is something that involves both of us. Our bills are mostly in single names, not joint, and some are in my name and some are in his. So we both open bills, regardless of the name on the envelope because it comes out of our joint account.

DH often asks me to check his emails and texts as he has business messages that require responses. I wouldn't read anything that looked private.

What could be private in a relationship? Private banking matter? isn't that your money too. Private health problem? Friendship?

Whatever you want to be private, I suppose, or anything where your input isn't really necessary?
I don't tell my husband every waking thought I have, for example, because it would drive him insane.
If I have emails from my friends, why on earth would he want to read them?

No. Personal space, and because I might find out about a surprise he's arranging or vice versa!

TheApprentice, I know his pin numbers better then he does!

No - never. I look at his facebook sometimes but only to see if ther's anyone on there I'd like to be friends with too. I've never looked at his phone messages or read his emails. Sometimes when tidying up I see his letters, bank stuff etc. Apart from that we don't look at eachother's messages. Even though we got together while i was still with someone and our early relationship involved a lot of secret texting. We trust eachother and I don't think either of us need to snoop.

No, never, not interested and he would only be talking about football or something boring

I wouldn't have chosen to be in a relationship with him if I didn't think he was trustworthy.

same as you moosma
I would suspect something if he now turned round and said NO

If my dp got a hand written letter then I wouldn't open it but I would expect him to share the content, if he got a text and I was next to his phone I would expect to read it without him claiming it's private, if he got red letters I would open it to ensure there's nothing that needs action and when he brought his laptop home I did look at dodgy emails. I don't think everyone should check on everything but it's foolish to trust someone implicitly they are human beings!! Besides my dp is very attractive and I'm pregnant and so am allowed to do crazy things!!

"What could be private in a relationship?"

DHs friends often discuss their personal problems with him (because DH is a grown-up with a beard and everything). Those details are not my business.

I wouldn't want to open the invoice that was for my birthday present either. In a similar vein, DH also holds the itemised insurance list for jewellery etc that he's bought me. Otherwise he may as well leave the price tags on and that would be far too tacky for the Duke.

exactly johnso, If i see one more oh so hilarious Dolmio ad I will scream.

KS
Okay, PP we will let you claim insanity!

"What could be private in a relationship?"

letters addressed to one person and not another, texts sent to one person's phone, e-mails sent to an individual's address, feelings, thoughts, online activity, conversations with friends

I value my privacy very highly and I expect my DH to trust me. Because I respect and love him I don't do things I shouldn't.

I would never open a letter addressed to him, even a bill, I wouldn't read his e-mail, I would not check his phone, I wouldn't eavesdrop on a conversation he was having with a friend

He knows some of my passwords, but if I found out he had used them to spy on me on would be FURIOUS and feel utterly betrayed and I never use his passwords unless he asks me to. I haven't bothered to change my passwords on the basis that I trust him not to misuse them and he can trust me not to misuse his.

When people snoop because their partner is treating them in a shitty way I have a hard time condemning them for it, but basically I think if you need to be spying on someone you already know you have a big problem to fix.

My dp has been a pathalogical liar baout many things and nothing, obviously fears my response and because he just denies things even things that make no sense and it was good for me to have proof. I thought this would cut the crap, as it were, and make him talk about things in our relationship and be a little upfront. I did snoop and I found stuff, I snooped because I thought I may find something and got a little more than I bargained for. Did it make us talk? yes. Will I snopp again? Yes.
Even if we had a trusting relationship I would still look but for other reasons, probably because it wouldn't occur to me not to.

Its not cos Of lack of trust

Its cos dh says things last minute like we are going somewhere or doing something and swears blind he told me .I do it cos he is so dippy at home left his brains at work.
He would just leave the mail for me to open as he cant be arsed. As for reading his texts he cant fecking text and asks me to do it for him

PP- That is not normal, you know that don't you?
It is very hard to live without trust, and very stressful for you to keeo checking up on him.
I think you need to have some serious converstaions

Oh yes wildhorses, that too, he has spade hands!

My problem is that DH thinks he is entitled to open my mail, read my email, read my texts etc and I think it is a violation of privacy and wouldn't dream of doing the same.

PP johnso's right.

wildhorses - I refuse to take that kind of responsibility for another adult. I presume your DH is an adult, why on earth would you mother him like that?

That's even more weird than spying.

I guess they both come from the same place. You don't trust him to take responsibility for himself, so you take control.

Shudder.

It's only for a short time when I go a little crazy that that window is open and then he thinks we can forget about it and everything is fine. We have a chequered history with some lies that he claimed were true for three years or more and then admitted them, I think I hope to find something that will make the floodgates open.

Quattrocento - he continues to open your mail even though he knows you don't give him permission to do so?

That's pretty controlling.

I would be changing my passwords quick smart and getting him into couples counselling.

So not on.

well we dont but we could I would be very suspicious if I wasn't allowed to look at his Laptop or phone, and he would think I had been doing a lot of online shopping if I was secretive

I tend to open his post, because he rarely does, unless it's obviously personal (his stuff is usually household or junk) or school governor stuff.

He never opens my post, with only one exception that I can remember - and that was my blardy speeding notification. .

He doesn't bother with email at home, so I tend to trawl through that. He does have email at work (as do I).

He has to be reminded to pick up his phone messages, so I have been known to pick them up occasionally, especially if we're awaiting some news or something.

Yes, it's his problem if he doesn't open/read stuff, blah blah blah, but it suits us.

If he was bothered, he'd definitely let me know.