DM Long - winded conversations

[Happiestwhen]

My dm seems to be getting worse with this as she gets older. She tells a story and it just goes on and on for ages. It is so boring to listen to. She just talks and talks with no point to anything. It's so frustrating. I notice other people getting frustrated with her to the point where they actually avoid her (eg when out walking the dog) I've mentioned to her that her stories are too long winded and she needs to cut to the point , be more concise. However she can't take any criticism yet wonders why her friends and family have started going quiet. If she's at anyone's house she will stay for hours and hours talking blankly. I was telling her about my sons accident and she jumped straight into a story about how her brother was always in hospital as a child. I didnt even get to say what had happened to my son. Any story I tell she goes on about something she experienced in the past or heard/saw from someone or tv. She will talk about what happens in movies/soaps in minute detail. She will talk about it for an hour if not interrupted. Is this something to worry about? I wonder if it may be an early sign of dementia as I remember my grandmother heading the same way before she got it. Or maybe she just has a trait of GM.

This is my auntie. She has definitely gone worse lately. My grandmother, her mother, was the same. Last week auntie was at a hobby group that I was also at. She monopolised the conversation, even interrupting the group leader, talking about herself and things that happened years ago, that had no relevance. It's embarrassing to be with her when she's like this. If it's just me and her I just say the occasional mmmmm but in company I feel so uncomfortable. I have no idea what the answer is.

I have a relative like this, you literally just have to talk louder and interrupt. It's awful, we all understand social cues and follow the to and fro of chats but some people just seem blind to it. You have to jump in, though it feels rude to do so I know.

@Compash I am indeed Welsh. And miss the sound as I don’t live there anymore.

But not so much I can listen to mum indefinitely- though you are right it does help with the grey rock

It’s about both control and attention I think. And yes, endless interested detail about various friends and friends/relatives of friends and indeed passing strangers she manages to buttonhole.

But can’t listen to a family member at all.

I have a SIL who is like this. So is her best friend. We’re all part of the same hobby group and it’s exhausting.

Even after the activity when it’s time to order drinks at the pub you are sort of blocked with the conversation. Trying to get orders and find a table becomes impossible with all the chatter between them.

Also when SIL comes to drop something off we’ll invite her in but she’ll say she’s too busy but then stand in the doorway monologuing.

I can be trying to hold back toddlers and dogs but still it continues...

My MIL has always done this. She had no close friends, her family were overseas, her husband was an obnoxious bully and her sons loved her but wouldn't listen to her so I used to let her talk 'AT' me. I felt sorry for her and let her as I knew it meant a lot to her. The men would all go out to a sporting event and I'd be left with my MIL. I don't know why I was so stupid. She would literally talk non stop all day. She was boring and would complain and complain about things but never do anything to change the things she was complaining about.
I eventually wised up but I regret not doing so sooner.

You’ve reminded me, DM requires eye contact! Heaven forbid you do a puzzle or anything while she talks at you. You can’t interrupt to achieve anything, to make plans etc. And it’s impossible to concentrate. I haven’t worked out whether she does make sense and I just don’t listen well enough, or whether she literally no longer makes sense.
When DF was alive, I’d occasionally check in with him to see whether she had dementia. It was hard to tell on the phone.

What I want to know is; how do they know the minutiae of their gardner's daughter's cat if they don't listen? How do they pick up that information to later torture you with??

I've known a fair few people like this and it boggles the mind!

My DM is like this... it's awful and got even worse now she's deaf as a post. Refuses to wear hearing aids. Drones on and on. Can't hear the conversation anyone else is having so just interrupts with random stuff about herself.

And if family members are having a nice chat she poo-poos whatever they're talking about. She has the skin of a rhino and zero emotional intelligence. It's a terrible combination.

I envy people with parents they can have a conversation with!

Her death is too recent for that to be appropriate at present, but thanks for the suggestion anyway.

@nomorehocuspocus - finally, I’m not alone. xx

It really does! I can only assume that whoever they’re talking about goes off on louder, even longer-winded monologues.

My mum does a similar thing (although I have to say she is genuinely interested in what her family have been up to), BUT, we can't call in and just pop in for 10/15 minutes, she either GIVES YOU SOMETHING you don't want (saves every plastic tub anyone has given her food in and it waits in the hall to be handed back), and you can NOT just leave, and close the door. She hangs around the door while you turn your engine on, then ALWAYS runs out with a ' ooh just while I remember/just let me tell you this' - and it's NEVER important. When my dad was alive he used to say that one of these days she'd start hanging onto the car bonnet as we reversed out of the path, it's such a bad habit 🤣🤣🤣
After years of being bored to tears about golf and faceless golfing friends that we didn't know (again she was pulled up by my dad having to state "it's of no interest to the kids * ".)
It's now a rendition of everything she's got in her garden, what she's planted, who gave the said seeds, bulbs, plants etc.. to her, what she's bought at the Supermarket, and what she's cooked which always has to include the full recipe and method of making it. The most recent one is texting us "Channel 4 NOW" or similar; we've all got access to the bloody TV schedules X 10 and none of us watch normal TV any more anyway. Drives me nuts.
It's sad as I avoid visiting her because of this. I just want to call, have a quick cuppa, make sure she's ok the GO without it all taking an hour 🤣.
I am the most terrible daughter of '24!

I know the answer to this! They hear stuff in the normal manner from normal people. They then whip this up, like candy floss, and add expressions and gestures that sound suspiciously like their own as opposed to the initial news bearers. Then they add on how they came to be party to the news, with full fleshing out of how all cast members relate to the monologuee. Ta da, here's your saga!

I visit once a week and find it really difficult. I'm always rushing to leave. My mum is always telling me what to watch too, even though I've told her numerous times I don't watch terrestrial tv! Then telling me to wear a hat/scarf/warm coat/vest! She doesn't text or she'd drive me mad with that too!

My mother sends two hundred emojis in every message. All random and nothing to do with the subject

I used to type things on my computer when she called, emails, surfing etc. she would demand to know why I wasn’t listening to her as she could hear my keyboard. I know it was rude, but it got me through the call.

Yes, works brilliantly on the phone, and she can’t hear a touch screen!

I found a fidget object useful to drain off the frustration energy when I got phone calls from my (much older) sister like this. Even worse, it was Daily Wail crap she'd read that fed all her prejudices and the anger she dumped on me.

MIL is like this, once she declared, 'I know as much as those doctors, i just have got the piece of paper they have to prove it'. .
She's also a self-professed 'child psychologist', any misbehavior in the grandkids you try to correct, MIL can do better because... she's a 'child psychologist'.

Yes I've pondered this too. Granny wouldn't know the town I work in or even what job I actually do, but I have to hear all about Sylvia's son in law's bladder trouble. Sometimes I continue talking when she starts talking and that does seem to have a small impact, she may actually ask a question back. Oddly she has plenty of lifelong friends, who presumably don't get the same treatment or why would they continue being friends? Feels worse in a way that she must have a social filter when required.

I do online colouring whilst on the phone to my mum, keeps me - relatively - calm.

Great idea

I interrupt quite often and she gets really annoyed. LET ME FINISH!! Then she’s asking OH what’s wrong with me when I sit glassy eyed not saying anything. ‘Is she depressed?’😩

Oh yes, you've just reminded me of my now-deceased MIL - she would just hold her eyes on you the whole time - and require the same of you - and it freaked me out on an instinctive level... I think because predators stare unwaveringly at their prey as they stalk it - it felt really creepy and threatening... 😳

🤣 Yes! I've never knowingly seen my DM listen to anyone... how the hell does it seep in?

(But if I ask anything specific that I want to know, she says 'oh, uh, she changed the subject, I didn't like to ask, I think she was covering something up' etc).