I am new here, I am also male but wanted some female perspective, I just want to improve so I can be a better partner.
I have been with my partner for nearly 3 years, we live together for half this time. For context I am 47 and partner is 41.
The issue is I go weeks without affection, not even a cuddle unless I do it. She admits she is not affectionate and I have discussed this on a numerous occasions as I need a little bit of affection not much but a cuddle every few days to keep me emotional connected. We both agreed to communicate, so sometimes I might say something like feeling a bit disconnected and I get back that she is not enough for me and it makes me feel awful to think I have upset her.
My partner love language is receiving gifts and I often buy thoughtful gifts or personal things that I create, she loves the gifts Also likes acts of service. Partner likes her hair being brushed and loves foot massage so I do this every night. However she knows my love language is physical touch and as I said it goes weeks without from her and then all of a sudden she will cuddle me and give me affection for a day or two. This appears to be a monthly cycle.
It has come to the point I get sad and feel unloved/unwanted. I now don't communicate this as I don't want her to be upset but this causes issues as she can read me like a book. If I did ever say something I would always say it's me but it would be nice if we did this for example but I have stopped as it always gets turned back on to me and get told shouldn't being feeling like that.
She says I will cheat on her which I would never do, every other relationship she has had that has happened, I think that's a disgusting thing to do and think if it ever gets to the point that you think that, you should end the relationship.
I am terrified of losing her, should I continue communicating and is it normal for a male partners to want affection? Also would you be upset if your partner asked for a little bit of affection if they felt it was missing?
What do I need to do differently ?
Am I wrong to feel unloved/unwanted?
I also encourage her to go out and see her friends she has 3 very close friends, however every evening she will be on her phone messaging them all night and ignores me apart from wanting me to brush her hair, I have said a couple of times that she don't listen to me when I talk , as she might start a conversation and then back to her phone and doesn't listen to what I am saying in response. However I stopped that as i upset her and was told I am high maintenance. This is a side note and was probably rude of me to ask her to listen, as I do actively encourage her to meet and talk to her friends. On occasions she has cancelled plans with me to go out with friends at last minute and I have never said anything about this but it makes me feel second best.