Do men marry women they don't find incredibly attractive?

[kinsey681]

But just ok to look at, so he doesn't find her to look the back end of a bus, but he doesn't think she's movie-star-gorgeous either?

If by any chance you are thinking about this because you are insecure of your appearance, then please have no worries and know that people of all looks couple up all the time.

And also know that those who don't manage to find a partner is often a lot down to bad luck and timing rather than any one specific reason, such as looks or personality.

An ex friend of mine commented she couldnt understand why DH was with someone like me.

I’m so glad she’s an ex friend, Seagull!

Surely the point, OP, is that people fall in love with a whole person. Looks catch our eyes first, but looks are soon outweighed by personality (including kindness, generosity etc, whatever you value most), compatibility, shared beliefs and interests etc. We want someone we think we’ll be happy with.

Incredibly attractive women are harder to get for less attractive men, so I'd say most men are with women who are not the most beautiful women in the world. But that doesn't mean those women are unattractive. Generally some level of attraction needs to be there for a romantic relationship to develop. But on the other hand, there are marriages of convenience or desperation or motivated by money, where attraction isn't necessary.

Of course, many men marry women who they find pleasant, even attractive but not necessarily knock out stunning.
Most adults aren’t so naive to think the person they happened to marry is the most objectively beautiful face in the world.

I think this the case with me and my DH.

Bloody hell OP, this is your third thread on this topic, the other two are still on the front page of relationships.

To answer your question, yes, sometimes men marry women who they don't think are absolutely gorgeous. Most men have a fairly good idea of where they stand looks-wise, so will accept that they're not likely to be in with a chance with the most beautiful women in the world. Plus, we don't find looks the be all and end all and would much rather be in a relationship with someone compatible with us, who's company we enjoy and who we can have a good time with.

You husband has a bit of a crush, that doesn't necessarily mean that he thinks this other woman is more attractive than you or vice versa.

This reminds me of something that Prince Philip was alleged to have said shortly after his marriage to Elizabeth when someone pointed out that her sister Margaret was more conventionally beautiful. He supposedly said, “but Elizabeth is by far the kinder”.

I'm sure most men would like to marry a gorgeous woman but many simply cannot find one who also happens to have a personality that complements theirs and also also happens to fall in love with them.

Looks are something that bother me a lot in my own marriage. I am not a good-looking woman. No false modesty, just the case that I've always been naturally very plain, which combined with no fashion sense, little interest or skill in hair and makeup and quite a loud, opinionated and somewhat 'class clown humour' type personality has not exactly made me anyone's dream woman. Sure, I've had partners before who have been sufficiently into me to muster some sexual and romantic enthusiasm, but all made it clear that they were with me more for our shared interests and humour than my looks. With DH it is much the same. He has openly said whilst drunk that I am plain and that he sometimes wishes I looked better because he knows other men judge him for being with someone plain. It hurt a lot but it's also... true.

DH is a lot older than me and used to go out with some really attractive women. I think the brutal truth is that as he got older, stopped being as attractive to as many good-looking women and also felt the bite of loneliness due to not finding someone he clicked with, he got himself into a place where he was prepared to put looks aside more. But would he have gone for me 20 years ago if we were both the same age? No way.

I've myself with this post a bit.

@VimesandhisCardboardBoots This thread isn't specifically about me and my DH, it's just a general question! I have more than enough input on my other thread about that.

Oh dear. If men only wanted to marry movie star gorgeous women, there wouldn't be enough to go round would there? Those few women who fitted the description would be married to movie star gorgeous men and there aren't many of those either.

Looks feature in initial attraction but the love and bond between life partners is about the actual person rather than outward appearance.

@Greywarden

My DH has never made any negative comments about my appearance over the years, but he also hasn't always been showering me with compliments either. I know of other women whose DH or boyfriend has always thought, and said, that she was gorgeous. I guess everyone's relationship is different and built on different factors.

True, although gorgeous movie stars all look very different. Salma Hayek and Margot Robbie look very different, but lots of men consider them both stunning.

Well most people aren't movie star gorgeous, they just look normal. People tend to end up with someone of similar objective attractiveness in my experience unless they are bringing an additional thing (eg money). So I assume most people think their spouse is attractive!

@VimesandhisCardboardBoots
Even if he does think this woman is more attractive than me, I still know that he doesn't really care about her deep down.

I know lots of good looking men who were womanisers in their past, dating attractive women all the time and then have gone on to settle down with someone less attractive than themselves or a plain Jane. I think to be honest some of them exhausted all the women in their local area and got a reputation for themselves so some women wouldn't go near them. Half of them still seem to have a wandering eye.

Men prioratise looks a tad more than women do, whereas women prioritise good providers more than men do. You can tell that by the number of men you'd consider as being the least attractive in the couple. It's quite rare that a man is with someone less attractive, but common for women to be with someone who, on the face of it, you'd wonder what they see in him.

It's personality that counts. People fancy each other based on looks, but it's only a real connection that can keep a long term relationship going.

Without tooting my own horn, I'm of above average attractiveness for a woman. I can get men interested in me easily enough but they get bored/put off easily if our personalities clash. I doubt I could get someone to marry me purely based on my looks. They'd have to really like me as a person or I'd have no chance.

Some do for various reasons, just as some women marry men they don't think are physically gorgeous. There's more to a relationship than looks.
I remember an Italian couple that lived in our street. He was a very handsome man, she was lovely but not attractive. Another Italian we knew said that Italian men often married plain women - they focus on marrying someone who'll be a good mother and wife rather than someone who's hot. In fact, they don't want their wives to be too attractive because other men will be after them. I don't know how true this is but I've always remembered it!

Marriage of convenience here, 20 years and going.
Attraction on both sides was very important,
to both sides 😁

I'm definitely punching with my dh. He was sooooo good looking when he was younger and now he's still attractive. He's very clever too and ambitious.

But I make him laugh and he thinks I'm sexy and I've loved him totally for a very long time.
Could he have done better? Almost certainly but who's to say he'd have been happier?

I think you're over-estimating men's standards. A living, breathing woman is enough to get them going.

To counter balance this it's rare that I've ever looked at a movie star and thought they were gorgeous. Easy on the eye maybe, but attractiveness isn't just about looks to me.

If Margaret had been the elder sister and heir to the throne, he'd have married her.

It was a polite/kind comment, but ateotd he was chosen as a consort a the monarch, and he wanted to be a consort to a monarch. His child would become the next monarch.

The younger sister who was "only" a princess who would not inherit the throne, whose offspring would (very likely) never inherit the throne & would become side players ...was not what he wanted and not what he was "sold". Personality was secondary.

Maybe he thought she was kinder (and from the little I know, she very likely was) but that's not why he "chose" her.
Who knows who he'd have chosen entirely of his own volition if he wasn't playing "dynasty" and trying to do as well for himself as possible in the arena of European royalty into which he was born.

I think it depends on the man, the woman, the financial circs, the time of life. We can’t generalise, people make all kinds of decisions for all kinds of reasons.

Not a bragging post as I’m older now and don’t get nearly as much attention but I got together with my husband very young and when we were younger and went out with other couples one of the other men noticed me politely rebuffing someone at the bar and said to my husband something along the lines of is it always like that and my husband was very sort of proud of himself and said yes always. And he said wow I couldn’t handle that. Which gave me food
for thought as a hot young thing. Some people just want a nice easy life. Of which I now am one. [grin-]