Sex in relationships

[Ellsx6]

How important is sex in a relationship to you?

I could easily just do twice a month and that would do me fine..some of my friends say they have sex atleast 5x a week!

My DH is great in bed so it's not a him problem, and when we do have sex it's enjoyable. I'm just lazy and can't be bothered most the time😂also feel like I have a low sex drive compared to most. DH doesn't mind to much as he's equally got quite a low sex drive.

Are we strange? Is it that important to you to have sex very regularly or are you fine without?

I agree..we had lots of sex in lockdown when we couldn't really do anything else😂it got pretty boring and same old after that so we did some exploring and trying new things ..some we loved some not so much but we very much like to switch things up to keep the excitement there. It's not important enough to me at all to decide to wander elsewhere and ruin my relationship!

Twice a month is about what we're at after 17 years together and two kids (the youngest is still a toddler). I don't think that's too little if you're both happy.

Right now we're in a drought because I and some surgery - need to get back on it before Xmas or it might become an "issue"

My boyfriend and I have been together two and a half years and we have sex once or twice a week. Sometimes I worry that’s not enough, (I’m mid 30s, no kids) and get a bit paranoid, but then in the same breath, it feels enough for us both and our sex is great.

I figured people who say they are doing it constantly are lying. Like parents who's kids sleep through the night and are fluent it 3 languages at 3 months old.

That's a really stupid thing for a podcast to say. There are lots of things that affect libido that have nothing to do with being unfaithful - work issues, mental health, physical health, hormonal changes, breastfeeding, exhaustion , changes in weight leading to self consciousness. And obviously inability to actually do it even if the mind wants as you age (ED/vaginal atrophy)

You are not that unusual and please remember, when people are 'sharing' they are not always entirely truthful.

If you are both happy with how things are, all is well.

Why? So because I happen to have a high sex drive and it is a priority to me I must be lying.

This annoys me because women like me are not in the conversation about sex and what is typical. Why can't we be the way we are?

And em yup my children did sleep through very early both born over ten lbs bottle fed and slept like troopers.

Only two languages though 🤷‍♀️

We have two small children who take all of our time and energy. On top of which, I actually dislike sex, and my OH prefers wanking, so it's a rare occurance in our house! I imagine there's quite a spectrum OP, no need to worry if you're content.

@LostittoBostik I thought so. It got me concerned for a minute. I was definitely less up for it when I gained weight vs to losing it again. Same as now I feel very self conscious because of my changing pregnant body. He reassures me that I look absolutely fine and I'm growing his baby but it still makes no difference to how I feel in the mirror! He struggled with ED a couple of times during sex since his accident and doctor said it would be to do with his poor mental health because of it. As times gone on and his mental healths improving it's been fine again. That was a difficult time though..I couldn't help but feel it was something to do with me even though he swore blinde it wasn't. He was very frustrated and upset with himself and felt like a failure!

Together 7 years.
Any day now we’ll have 3 kids under 5.
It is very important because it creates intimacy. For context we’re madly in love and it’s the best sex of my life.

Personally I couldn’t stand doing it X times a week, that would feel like a chore. But luckily we both like to have weeks with lots of sex and then breaks without. It means that for us it’s always spontaneous and enthusiastic, while also acknowledging that sometimes we’re exhausted or can’t be arsed.

Sometimes I prefer to just sort myself out too, especially if I'm in the mood but had a long day at work..so much quicker for me to use a toy. I'm sure DH probably wanks if I'm asleep or his tired ect. He works nights whereas I work days so by the time his finished work I'm usually fast asleep. If this works for you then i agree it's fine, same as this layout works for me but when I've told people we only have sex twice a month they say something must be wrong or his not interested in me or his going elsewhere - which I don't think is the case at all..I'm not sure how it would even be possible for me not to find out! We have the life 360 app where you can see all locations, eachothers passcodes for things ect. We are very open and always have been!

I think the more you have it the more you want it. If I get out of the habit I can happily go without (shift work) but when we’re having it regularly I do find it enjoyable and seek it out more. I’d say we average a few times a week regardless and have been together 16 years so that’s pretty good going. DH will still claim he is neglected but that’s just him.

I'm early 30s and would be happy to never do it again! I make an effort for DH's sake about twice a month, nothing wrong with it but with young children I just value sleep so much more! As long as you're both on the same page it's nobody else's business.

For me it's important but I can see why it's not a priority for some people. I'd ideally like to have more but our 7 year old is such a twat about going to bed sometimes that by the time that's done, neither of us are in the mood anymore!

I'm curious why you say "It's far, far better on my own"?
Surely having another person getting you aroused should make it better?

I'm a daily person but everyone is different.
I sleep better after sex so it's a win win

Have been reading thread with interest as also pregnant and tired all the time and since children have found being relaxed and energetic enough to be in the mood really hard (pre children it was pretty much a daily occurrence) and it’s sad that it has changed so much… is it just a part of growing closer that the frisson goes…? A biological mechanism to get us to move on and find that excitement with a new mate? Who knows…

And on another note, sorry about this, I do feel compelled to point out that it’s etc not ect.
etc
Short for et cetera

Maybe for some people, but not for me. Who says it 'should' anyway?

We've not done it since DS was conceived (he's 14 months!)

I'm just not interested in it.

This question is similar to asking how often people drink alcohol a week, and how much. You are going to get a huge range of answers, totally depends on the person, and their situation, but I think how tired they are and whether they have young children to look after / if get any time to themselves or if they are overwhelmed at the moment will have a big impact (I can barely remember life before children, but we definitely had a lot more time and energy!)

I don't have sex at all because my relationship is shite. I'd say it's important, but obviously not important enough to break a family up over.

It's never been a big issue for us tbh. Neither dh nor I has a high sex drive particularly. We used to maybe dtd twice a week maybe.

Then dh's son died and honestly we haven't did since. He is not in the right head space and I am exhausted trying to hold him together.

It will come back when he is ready but honestly there are more important ways to be intimate and loving than sex.

Sorry , I should probably put auto correct on..I just type it how I hear it in my head and get them muddled every time..I just hope people get what I mean out of laziness of being bothered to check its correct 🤣

2 years and counting for us. 2 teenage children.
I have absolutely no desire to do it and if I try to push through it, I shut down. I've never had any interest in it.
We have a very loving and solid relationship, I have often got stuck in the "sex is everything" mindset but honestly, we are 16 years in, approaching 40 and going strong in every other aspect.
As long as you and DH are happy, that really is all that matters

Very interesting to hear all of your answers! Do we agree that sometimes it's nothing more than just pure busy life and not being bothered to schedule it into our day?

Yeah it's good but it's not good enough to go without extra sleep after a busy day in my opinion!