My best friends a liar

[Lollylucyclark101]

I will try to keep things quite generic.

I have been best friends with this person for a number of years. Our children went to the same school, so that is how we met.

My friend is very dramatic about everything and likes to embellish stories to make them sound worse than they are because they like the attention.

There has been several instances over the years where I have been told certain things, only to later find out that they are completely not true. When approached and asked about lies, they have always been brushed off.

Over the years I have known them, I have watched relationships with men fail, friends disown them and their family stop speaking to her. I am literally her only friend now.

Lies include:

Telling me they has Cervical Cancer after a screening - she had some unusual cells that were treated. (I've also had this done, and its nothing "major").

Cancer of the lungs... and the most recent one - cancer of the kidneys (small cysts found in both cases)

Lying about the father of their children

Lies about why partners have ended their relationship with them.

Lies about their health in general, making it out to be worse than it actually is, therefore always calling the ES and going to the Emergency Room, their insurance bills (OOP are in arrears).

Their children are effected by their behaviour, (they don't go to school properly and have a chaotic home life) and they don't really have anyone to protect them apart from me.

Anyway, they spent a significant period of time in hospital recently- the doctors couldn't work out what was wrong (there was nothing major, she just kept saying something was wrong), so they released them home and they have been fine! They told me that their youngest's (1.5 year) father was being really nasty via text message and threatening to have the child permanently to provide stability. So when I saw him, I asked him about it. He said nothing, but handed me his phone and let me look through the text messages - he has been nothing but supportive and they were the one being nasty to him, calling him names and making threats to stop visitation!

Anyway - I'm getting to the point that I am really fed up with all the drama, with all the lies and with all the manipulation. I am not a mean person, but I find myself raging to my wife about their lies and questioning everything. I really want to end this (toxic?) relationship, but I really don't know how to. The kids are important to me, and I don't want them left without any protection from their drama and lies.

What should I do?

You can’t have a relationship with someone like this. Their kids are not your responsibility- and you being close to a pathological liar isn’t going to make her kids better. Some people don’t deserve your friendship, you will be the one who continues to suffer. Time to go, she needs professional mental health support. it may sound harsh, but you’ve got to protect yourself

Sorry OP but all the “they” and “them” makes it hard to read. You said “she” earlier….just stick with that.

I ended a friendship during lockdown with a pathological liar.
The final straw was the 'poor me I'm in bed with covid, cant move, really at deaths door' photo, shortly followed by a post about being out and about looking for a strangers dog.
This was the final straw. There had already been 2 heart attacks, a violent ex, then when her new partner dumped her she claimed he was he was violent too. But told me the exact same stories about him that I'd already heard about the last one.
She claimed to have had cancer and shaved her hair (after seeing the attention someone else who really had cancer got)
For some people it's a sickness in them, but I was drained of empathy and told her why. She blocked me.
Life if great without a liar

Get away from this person.

Of course others have cut this person off - complete liar who wrecks people’s happiness.

Your first responsibility is to your family. This person detracts from that with shitty behaviour.

A very easy: get rid.

I'm no psychiatrist but the lying about medical sounds like munchausen by proxy but who knows.... I couldn't deal with that.

Time to end the friendship. If you are worried about the children to the extent you ate concerned about their safety report to social services. Nothing more you can do.

How have you stayed friends with someone like this for so long?

It does sound a bit like munchausens to me, she could just be attention seeking but if it's the former it's a real mental health condition. She might need therapy. I would still distance myself though.

Perfectly fine to read.

I had a friend exactly like this! Family disowned her but I kept supporting her.
Do you call your friend out on the lies? Eventually, when I realized that almost everything my friend said was a big fabricated lie, I started calling her out and saying well I know that's not true because of XYZ. I'd have real evidence to back up I know she is lying. I still tried to support and be there for her, I just wouldn't accept any of her lies and made that known to her. I wanted to give her the chance to change and start being honest. Once she realized I was going to call her out on every lie, she dumped me as a friend fast and just blocked me and started ignoring me. Problem solved for me and I'm much happier without her and all the drama! You can't have someone like that in your life.

Sounds like ficticious disorder (munchausens as a term isn't used anymore due to stigma attached). You need to cut ties. I had a similar situation where my friend was a hypochondriac (important to say that this isn't the same as FD), but it was exhausting. Constantly talked about how unwell she thought she was, constantly paranoid about cancer, took her daughter for lots of tests because she was worried there was something wrong with her. I just phased her out. Felt cruel but she drove me nuts and I didn't actually gain anything from the friendship anymore.

How is it munchausen by proxy if they're lying about their own health? That's not what that is...

Sounds like Munchausens, she needs professional help.

The post said her kids were in hospital for weeks and when they were released they were fine and tests showed nothing wrong.

Why do you want to be friends with her?

I think the ‘they’ is her, rather than the children. Agree it’s confusing.

To be fair hospitals aren’t stupid. They will only admit a child if there is cause for concern, and plenty of genuinely concerned people still get negative test results.

I’m not sure I think there is any proxy illness going on, and the cancer ones about herself sound more like she is letting her fear run away with her; they aren’t completely made up if she’s getting cysts, abnormal cell results etc . I realise they aren’t the same thing, but it also isn’t the same as completely fabricating something. To me it sounds like she is struggling with anxiety.

Agree with the fear running away thing, but lying about the ex calling her names and being abusive is a bit far. She’s clearly very unwell and it’s not healthy for OP to be around that if it’s starting to impact their own mental health.

It’s not factitious disorder if there’s actually something wrong with her. Armchair diagnosing people with “Munchausens” doesn’t make anyone look intelligent.

Yes those aspects were OTT and misleading. But to me it all sounds more as though she is not coping well - and sort of “ over-feeling” - things which have a basis in truth. If the ex is handing his phone over to demonstrate she is in the wrong, it clearly is a strained dynamic between them regardless of who called whom what. I think she sounds more like someone overwhelmed rather than someone wilfully concocting stories she has invented from ground up. I think, op, the versions you are getting are what she is feeling and fearing, rather than an attempt to mislead you outright. She sounds anxious and overwhelmed. It’s a plea for help more than anything imo.

Why not raise it with her like that op?

Yes this, was very confusing

Post is easy enough to understand, its about her best friend only

It's sounds like she's got a mental illness that makes her obsessed that she's sick. But if it seems like it's for attention then it could be Munchausen syndrome. I hope she's not claiming her kids are sick? Some people would have it really severely hurt people close to them on purpose to make them look/be unwell. Usually kids or elderly people.
I honestly don't think you should be friends with her anymore. It's too much of a rollercoaster. And if she did get cancer or whatever then nobody would believe her.
I think she needs MH support.

She needs help. Obviously all the drama is attention seeking. Would suggest you recommend she speaks yo a Councillor. You also need to tell her that her constant lies are ruining your friendship and you need some time out.

Sounds like my sister. Run OP

You can't be friends with someone like this unless they want to change, OP. I have a relative like this, you have to record every interaction with her or it is spun into a lie, sometimes very harmful ones. She is mentally unwell but seems to believe her own lies, so of course in her mind, she is the normal one and we are all out to get her. The best case scenario your friend gets help (doubtful). The next option is she blocks you when you call her out. The very worst, is that she makes up lies about you that could cause you real harm and distress. I would think very carefully before continuing a friendship with her.