My best friends a liar

[Lollylucyclark101]

I will try to keep things quite generic.

I have been best friends with this person for a number of years. Our children went to the same school, so that is how we met.

My friend is very dramatic about everything and likes to embellish stories to make them sound worse than they are because they like the attention.

There has been several instances over the years where I have been told certain things, only to later find out that they are completely not true. When approached and asked about lies, they have always been brushed off.

Over the years I have known them, I have watched relationships with men fail, friends disown them and their family stop speaking to her. I am literally her only friend now.

Lies include:

Telling me they has Cervical Cancer after a screening - she had some unusual cells that were treated. (I've also had this done, and its nothing "major").

Cancer of the lungs... and the most recent one - cancer of the kidneys (small cysts found in both cases)

Lying about the father of their children

Lies about why partners have ended their relationship with them.

Lies about their health in general, making it out to be worse than it actually is, therefore always calling the ES and going to the Emergency Room, their insurance bills (OOP are in arrears).

Their children are effected by their behaviour, (they don't go to school properly and have a chaotic home life) and they don't really have anyone to protect them apart from me.

Anyway, they spent a significant period of time in hospital recently- the doctors couldn't work out what was wrong (there was nothing major, she just kept saying something was wrong), so they released them home and they have been fine! They told me that their youngest's (1.5 year) father was being really nasty via text message and threatening to have the child permanently to provide stability. So when I saw him, I asked him about it. He said nothing, but handed me his phone and let me look through the text messages - he has been nothing but supportive and they were the one being nasty to him, calling him names and making threats to stop visitation!

Anyway - I'm getting to the point that I am really fed up with all the drama, with all the lies and with all the manipulation. I am not a mean person, but I find myself raging to my wife about their lies and questioning everything. I really want to end this (toxic?) relationship, but I really don't know how to. The kids are important to me, and I don't want them left without any protection from their drama and lies.

What should I do?

You are feeding her desire for attention by simply listening to her. Report her behaviour to Social Services and notify them of your concern for the children. Tell her ex you are ceasing contact with her and that he needs to look out for the children. Block her and draw a line under it. They are not your responsibility and as it stands you have done nothing to rectify the situation.

Just take a good few steps back from this friendship and let it fade naturally. I know somebody a bit like this, and it is difficult, I know.

Drop her ASAFP!!

Yes it sounds like Munchausens ....which I think is a cluster B personality disorder along with psychopathy/sociopathy/narcissism. No point being friends with someone like this because they're not real people with feelings.

A bit off topic OP, but your are referring to your friend as 'they/them' in places (I presume because it's the modern way to not identify their sex), they you say she/her. It's pointless using 'they' as a pronoun if you're going to then say 'she/her'
Sorry, please continue....

Agree with PP you are fulfilling her want for attention and drama by putting up with her and acting like you believe her.

Report her to school and social services and let them handle it. Don’t guide her through GP visits or setting up counselling, she’s well able to burn bridges so she’s well able to help herself.

Regardless of the underlying cause of her behaviour, it's causing you one big headache. I appreciate you don't want to abandon the children, but ultimately they aren't your responsibility. You need to take a very large step back from this friendship. Phase this person out of your life. She clearly has mental health issues going on, but you can't take her problems on, you have your own life. If you are concerned for the children's welfare, you need to report this to social services.

Was that really necessary? Does it help the OP in any way?

I don’t believe for a minute people really find posts “hard to read” or “confusing” because of gender neutral pronouns.

Please can everyone stop with the diagnosing and pathologising of behaviours. Also correcting each others terms with further stigmatising language of your own.

Friend sounds exhausting and draining. You don’t have to stick by her if she only causes stress with her dramas. Protect your peace and move on.

Report to children’s services if you have genuine concerns for their welfare.

Run, before she starts lying about you or telling lies that you did something to her kids, she is fast running out of people to accuse. Inform authorities about your concerns for her children and her instability and then get as far away as fast as possible.

You do have concerns for these children but it’s time to step away. They have father who clearly cares about them they are not alone.
Without diagnosing your friend as I’m not a doctor, she clearly has mental health issues.
Go before she turns on you. We can all support a good friend but she does nothing for you at all.

Does their name begin with a C ? Sounds shockingly similar to someone I know...it's draining to be friends with someone like this. The person I know also has 2 children that apparently have everything wrong with them. I really think it's munchausens!

🤣

Apart from the ER/insurance element that I don't understand in the UK context, this sounds like factitous disorder- a life built on lies for the purpose of attention.
You'll never be able to trust them. Whether you can stick around for the sake of her kids is a decision only you can make.
But a call to the Council to raise safeguarding concerns might not go amiss .....

Watch a documentary called 'Black Widow' (24 hours in police custody I think). It was the first thing that came to mind when I saw this - see if it is the same tendencies?

I think her name begins with A.
People like this can't be helped but they can be destructive. Run a mile, don't ever confront her. Back away slowly, good luck.

I wouldn't want to be friends with her, but I understand you feel responsibility for the children.

Whatever you do or say is likely to get twisted and thrown right back at you.
I don't think I have any advice other than you sound a nice person, I suspect you'll do the right thing.

When my friend was in hospital i went to see her twice. Both times i took goodies with me and paid parking charges to park onsite. when in there, I made sure I texted her every day and had FaceTime calls with her. When she was discharged, I also made sure she was okay and didn’t need anything for the first few days.

I had a small planned surgery about 3 weeks ago, and ended up being is hospital for 3 days. My friend knew when this was as I had told her previously and had to book time off from work.

She did not contact me the day of, during or after. She sent me a meme saying something about “best friends” so I “liked”‘ it and replied. That’s funny, trying not to laugh, sore from surgery. How are you?”

her reply?

“still not well. Take care”

That was 2 weeks ago.

Today I found out from my hairdresser (we use the same one) that she has been to have her hair and nails done, as she has a date tonight.
My hairdresser lives a five minute drive away from me…. And she never called in to see me or even text to say “are you free”. My hairdresser specifically said “oh are you going to pop in to see BF today, she’s only round the corner” and she didn’t reply.

I know I need to end this friendship, and after this selfish behaviour from her, I know I need too. It’s Christmas and I need to give her children my gifts, so after that I think I will just ignore any contact from her? Or do I owe her an explanation ?

She's not your friend. It doesn't sound like she gives a shit about you. Don't feel guilty about walking away

Drop her like 3rd period Latin!

This

You don't owe her a thing. Cut her off.

“It’s Christmas and I need to give her children my gifts,”

No, you want to give them. Completely different.

Just stop texting or visiting or whatever. Just stop.

Give the gifts to a toy donation.
Remove yourself from this friend she’s awful.

Make a referral to social care and then back away. This relationship will make you unwell in the end and you’ll never be thanked for sticking it out.