My best friends a liar

[Lollylucyclark101]

I will try to keep things quite generic.

I have been best friends with this person for a number of years. Our children went to the same school, so that is how we met.

My friend is very dramatic about everything and likes to embellish stories to make them sound worse than they are because they like the attention.

There has been several instances over the years where I have been told certain things, only to later find out that they are completely not true. When approached and asked about lies, they have always been brushed off.

Over the years I have known them, I have watched relationships with men fail, friends disown them and their family stop speaking to her. I am literally her only friend now.

Lies include:

Telling me they has Cervical Cancer after a screening - she had some unusual cells that were treated. (I've also had this done, and its nothing "major").

Cancer of the lungs... and the most recent one - cancer of the kidneys (small cysts found in both cases)

Lying about the father of their children

Lies about why partners have ended their relationship with them.

Lies about their health in general, making it out to be worse than it actually is, therefore always calling the ES and going to the Emergency Room, their insurance bills (OOP are in arrears).

Their children are effected by their behaviour, (they don't go to school properly and have a chaotic home life) and they don't really have anyone to protect them apart from me.

Anyway, they spent a significant period of time in hospital recently- the doctors couldn't work out what was wrong (there was nothing major, she just kept saying something was wrong), so they released them home and they have been fine! They told me that their youngest's (1.5 year) father was being really nasty via text message and threatening to have the child permanently to provide stability. So when I saw him, I asked him about it. He said nothing, but handed me his phone and let me look through the text messages - he has been nothing but supportive and they were the one being nasty to him, calling him names and making threats to stop visitation!

Anyway - I'm getting to the point that I am really fed up with all the drama, with all the lies and with all the manipulation. I am not a mean person, but I find myself raging to my wife about their lies and questioning everything. I really want to end this (toxic?) relationship, but I really don't know how to. The kids are important to me, and I don't want them left without any protection from their drama and lies.

What should I do?

The husband of my closest friend accused her of having an affair. Reported her to the police for child abuse, to get back t her, and told everyone he could of the affair. he had her arrested, she had him arrested for false imprisonment. A whole raft of issues.
She sat in my living room and I said between you and me, did you have an affair, she denied it. I defended her through our joint work, with other friends, and across the community.
But she had had an affair, been seen by loads of people snogging a bloke in the pub.
I was made to be a fool. Couldn't trust her again.
Cut her out of my life.

You can't worry about what you can't control. You just need to end that friendship and move on. You don't need the drama. And you definitely don't need an dishonest friend. I would add more to this post however, you already have the right idea. All you need to do is follow through with it and don't worry about anything else. Worry about yourself and the peace that you're going to have once you leave that friendship. Friends like that don't take away stress, they add it. So don't think twice about it, just do what you have to, and that's it.

So after waiting a month for her to contact me after I had invasive surgery (don’t ask how I was before, during or after), I sent her a message advising that I was standing back from our friendship and the reasons as to why I had made that decision.

the immediate message back was

“I’m sorry you feel that way”

then she went on to say:

“I have been ill and was awaiting cancer results on the day of your surgery, just because I am out of hospital doesn’t mean that I am well”

she’s been out on multiple dates, had her hair and nails done, managed to decorate her living room and drove to another state.

The message was very me me me, she never apologised for anything or asked how I was.

I firmly believe I’ve done the right thing and feel better for it.

thank you for all your comments and support.

I read it just fine.

@Lollylucyclark101 Personally, I would report my concerns to SS and then leave the friendship.

I did.. before the friendship broke down after she wouldn’t take my advice.

I’m sorry you feel that way is not an apology.
She’s been in hospital and they couldn’t find out what was wrong with her.
People have cancer ‘tests’ all day, every day and while they are upsetting, most people try to get on as best they can. They don’t use them as an excuse for shitty behaviour.

She doesn’t have cancer. Never has. She wasn’t ill. Just wanted a break from her children.

That is absolutely grim.

With regards to reporting to SS, my advice is to do this some time before ending the friendship, otherwise it looks malicious - and you can't predict what that will stir up in her.

I did it months before ending the relationship after she refused to take my safeguarding advice.

Well done :)