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Original poster

Tracker

74 replies

ohbloodyhelllll · 29/10/2024 00:18

Hi,

I've just been out to a meeting and come home to find my husband looking at where I'd been exactly on a map on his phone.

He's then popped out and I looked through my notifications on my phone (I usually ignore all the app ones) and it said a FinderGo has been travelling with me.

He was funny with the car before he left. Went out to his and then got something from mine. I noticed the iPad was in there and that was weird. He said he'd got bored of waiting for me to get home and wanted to play on the iPad (which he never does) and tracked the location.

However this tracker has been in my car since he went in the car just before my meeting. My car isn't the tidiest so I've had a quick look, I can make it beep via the notification that came up but I can't find it. I've hidden both sets of keys to the car and will find it in the morning.

I'm furious tbh and can't sleep. I'm not sure what to do about this.

OP posts:
username1478 · 29/10/2024 00:23

I'm assuming he's placed a tracker in your car. Is he controlling in other ways?

Original poster
ohbloodyhelllll · 29/10/2024 00:25

Not particularly controlling. Convinced I'm having an affair with a man I work with.

I just feel it's such an invasion of privacy. He's gone through my stuff before, diaries, paperwork etc when I was struggling with problems in our marriage.

OP posts:
redalex261 · 29/10/2024 00:29

iIt's out of order. Do you have any idea how long he's been tracking you? I sometimes think people who are paranoid enough to do things like this are never really satisfied unless they find something that proves their suspicions. Is there any valid reason why he suspects you of having an affair - does he have previous for making accusations?

It's totally intrusive.

username1478 · 29/10/2024 00:29

He is controlling if he's put a tracker in your car because he thinks you're having an affair. He's also gone through your personal belongings.

He may have put spyware on your phone.

Original poster
ohbloodyhelllll · 29/10/2024 00:39

The man's wife accused us of having an affair 4 years ago simply because we get on really well.

I don't know what I do with it when I find it in the morning.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 29/10/2024 00:43

Put the tracker in his car. See what he says about that? If you're not having an affair, even an emotional one, then you should tell him once and for all. 'I'm not cheating, never have been, and your suspicious ways will make our relationship fall apart. If you don't trust me I may as well start divorce proceedings now.'
He can't keep baselessly accusing you. It's abusive.

Time40 · 29/10/2024 00:45

I don't know what I do with it when I find it in the morning

Give it to someone who is going a long, long way away.

Seriously though, your relationship isn't going to survive if he has that level of mistrust.

PsychoHotSauce · 29/10/2024 00:55

I'd be tempted to drive to the police station with it still tracking you on your lunch break. And just eat your lunch in the car park there. Might spook him a bit.

redalex261 · 29/10/2024 00:57

Has this been rumbling on for four years? Do you think the tracker is a relatively new thing?

You need to have a once-and-for-all conversation about why he has this level of mistrust, if he can't accept there's nothing going on you may be on the road to nowhere. It's really hard to prove a negative. Do you think the fact you still work alongside this man is the issue?

Original poster
ohbloodyhelllll · 29/10/2024 00:59

We rarely have to actually work together. Once a month for 5 months of the year. Rarely have contact through work but when we do see each other and have meetings, it's noticeable how well we get on.

Doesn't mean we're at it though does it?!

Yeah it's been up and down for 4 years, a lot has gone on with me and my husband, a lot of rumours have circulated regarding me and the other man - but they are just rumours!

OP posts:
Original poster
ohbloodyhelllll · 29/10/2024 01:03

I think the tracker has been there the first time tonight. I've never had that notification before. I looked it up and it's something from TikTok I think.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 29/10/2024 01:05

No this is not ok. My ex husband left for somebody else. She was so paranoid that she had a tracker on him and he'd have to record any conversations when he was picking or dropping our son off. The panic on his face if I needed to speak to him because she could see he hadn't immediately left. It was pathetic. If anybody did this to me they'd be gone. Why is he so convinced you are cheating? How did your colleague react when his wife made that accusation?

Pinkbonbon · 29/10/2024 01:06

So he hasn't trusted you for four years?

You should have walked away 3 and a half years ago.

If he doesn't trust you now, nothing you ever say or do will change it. And clearly, you ACTUALLY can't trust him because he is doing messed up shit like tracking your movements.

Get out ASAP. You've wasted enough time on this 'partnership'.

Ger1atricMillennial · 29/10/2024 01:16

Yeah fair enough, I would be livid too.

I think if you are at the point of putting a tracking device in a car, then you go and get some help or just accept the trust has gone in the relationship and move on. Why cause further hurt?

beenwhereyouare · 29/10/2024 02:46

ohbloodyhelllll · 29/10/2024 00:59

We rarely have to actually work together. Once a month for 5 months of the year. Rarely have contact through work but when we do see each other and have meetings, it's noticeable how well we get on.

Doesn't mean we're at it though does it?!

Yeah it's been up and down for 4 years, a lot has gone on with me and my husband, a lot of rumours have circulated regarding me and the other man - but they are just rumours!

I'd be mad about the tracker.

But if there are lots of rumors, why haven't you toned it down? It's obviously causing suspicion. Surely you're aware that it's painful for his wife. And you must realize how unsure it has made your husband. It must be very hard to live with so much mistrust, for all of you.

The way you're "getting along" with this man is giving the impression that you don't care if it hurts someone. Doesn't that bother you?

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 29/10/2024 03:00

I think some couples do track one another, but with consent. I find that very weird, and not something I would ever do with my hubby, but I think it happens?
But in this case he did not have your consent. Shocking.

beenwhereyouare · 29/10/2024 04:17

TheFormidableMrsC · 29/10/2024 01:05

No this is not ok. My ex husband left for somebody else. She was so paranoid that she had a tracker on him and he'd have to record any conversations when he was picking or dropping our son off. The panic on his face if I needed to speak to him because she could see he hadn't immediately left. It was pathetic. If anybody did this to me they'd be gone. Why is he so convinced you are cheating? How did your colleague react when his wife made that accusation?

The first 2 posts says it all:
"but when we do see each other and have meetings, it's noticeable how well we get on."

and:
"it's been up and down for 4 years, a lot has gone on with me and my husband, a lot of rumours have circulated regarding me and the other man"

also:
"The man's wife accused us of having an affair 4 years ago simply because we get on really well."

What are the two of them doing that makes all these people think they're having an affair? Why would they want to continue making people think that?

Why doesn't she care that they hurt his wife or her husband? I don't want to think it's arrogance or enjoyment.

But really, why would you just continue to let people think that you're a cheat?

snowlady4 · 29/10/2024 05:15

This is so upsetting.
Is it legal to do this?
I couldn't be with a man like this. Are you happy otherwise?

Original poster
ohbloodyhelllll · 29/10/2024 06:25

I'm not enjoying people thinking we cheat by any means. His wife is unhappy in the relationship, I guess they both are.

We finished a huge project and he messaged to say well done for the work I put in and to celebrate with a glass of wine. That was enough for her to accuse us. That was it.

They have their own problems and it is easier for her to blame me and put the rumours around the local area than either of them take any accountability.

I've asked him to make it stop but if I get in contact it makes it worse. No one has ever asked me outright what's going on so I've always assumed people are gossiping but no one's believed it on my part.

I'm not entirely sure what else I can do. We get on as in we're on the same page with our humour I guess, it's very quick back and forth but it doesn't mean I want to have an affair! We literally see each other 5 hours a year probably. The absolute bare minimum we can do since everything went nuts.

I've tried to reassure my husband, we've been to therapy etc. he blows hot and cold with it but it's never been to the stage of having a tracker.

I don't know what else I'm supposed to do about the situation.

OP posts:
unsync · 29/10/2024 06:54

ohbloodyhelllll · 29/10/2024 00:39

The man's wife accused us of having an affair 4 years ago simply because we get on really well.

I don't know what I do with it when I find it in the morning.

Your husband doesn't trust you. Rather than talk to you like an adult, he's chosen to track you, without your consent which is illegal.

If he behaves how men usually do when confronted about poor behaviour, he will make it all about you, blame you for making him do this, not take responsibility, not his fault blah, blah, blah.

I think you need to face the reality that your marriage is over. Having your husband behave like this is such a massive breach of everything marriage is supposed to be, I don't see how you recover this.

frozendaisy · 29/10/2024 06:56

Find the tracker
Ask a friend to drive it round until he realises he has been obsessively tracking the wrong car

Tell him he's a utter dick

And genuinely ask him, if the trust has totally gone what exactly are you both doing in the relationship?

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 29/10/2024 07:00

But really, why would you just continue to let people think that you're a cheat?

Do what do you suggest? She stops working with says colleague? Ignores him? Even though they are not having an affair?

Her husband is the problem. Sounds like she's just having normal interactions with a colleague she gets on with.

TwistedWonder · 29/10/2024 07:01

ohbloodyhelllll · 29/10/2024 00:25

Not particularly controlling. Convinced I'm having an affair with a man I work with.

I just feel it's such an invasion of privacy. He's gone through my stuff before, diaries, paperwork etc when I was struggling with problems in our marriage.

You say he’s not particularly controlling but your updates say the opposite.

How can you live like this? 4 years of being accused of having an affair and not trusted? Chuck the tracker in a bin and tell him this behaviour needs to end otherwise the marriage is doomed.

Guavafish1 · 29/10/2024 07:04

He doesn’t trust you if he is tracking you

LottieMary · 29/10/2024 07:09

But really, why would you just continue to let people think that you're a cheat?

Because the only people who matter are their spouses? Who don’t trust them even though they’ve been told and reassured. What do you suggest, a new job to soothe her husbands unfounded jealousy?

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