Tracker

[ohbloodyhelllll]

Hi,

I've just been out to a meeting and come home to find my husband looking at where I'd been exactly on a map on his phone.

He's then popped out and I looked through my notifications on my phone (I usually ignore all the app ones) and it said a FinderGo has been travelling with me.

He was funny with the car before he left. Went out to his and then got something from mine. I noticed the iPad was in there and that was weird. He said he'd got bored of waiting for me to get home and wanted to play on the iPad (which he never does) and tracked the location.

However this tracker has been in my car since he went in the car just before my meeting. My car isn't the tidiest so I've had a quick look, I can make it beep via the notification that came up but I can't find it. I've hidden both sets of keys to the car and will find it in the morning.

I'm furious tbh and can't sleep. I'm not sure what to do about this.

Genuinely trying to think about this. I think first I probably would (cos I’m like that) put it on his car or post it somewhere far away.

Given your other updates I’d have to be planning to leave and soon. Abusive men are most dangerous when the relationship ends

As hard as it's going to be, I'm going to see what his reaction is this morning and if it's nothing, I'm going to sit on it for a few days and work out wtf I do and how I approach this.

I've not left because I've not done anything wrong and if I leave I won't get to see my kids every day. I won't be able to provide them a nice lifestyle or do the things with them that he would.

May as well put a banner up on the dual carriage way at this rate to stop the gossip. I can see how that would get in his head but it does feel like this has crossed a line.

I feel like parking up somewhere obscure and waiting for him to come and find me.

Ignore the posters who are blaming you for this. It's BS - this is 100% on your insecure pathetic husband.

I'd leave, but I do know that it isn't easy to do.

Have you found the tracker or do you just know it's there in your car?

If you genuinely only work together for 5 hours a year it's hard to believe that his wife or your DH would jump to the conclusion that you're having an affair though? Also the amount of times I've seen people on here suggest a woman tracks her husband who they suspect of cheating vs. this thread just shows what double standards some MNters have.

I saw your update about why you haven't separated OP but surely the fact he has put a tracker in your car should be the death knell of your marriage ? I just don't see how it can survive this.
Even if you never had contact with that particular work colleague again he would just transfer his suspicion and jealousy on to some other man you have contact with?
Separating and arranging co parenting surely has to be better than living with this level of distrust.

I would be telling him outright that I’ve found the tracker and what the hell does he think he’s playing at.

If you’ve had counselling and therapy and that hasn’t worked you need to give him the ultimatum that he either chooses to believe you’re telling the truth or leave.

you cannot live with someone who doesn’t trust you and is invading your privacy by tracking your car!

I've come to a friends and we've found it hidden under the back seat of the car.

I've put it back for now. I'm not sure how to confront the situation.

I know you don't want to uproot the kids but you can't live like this can you ??

If he denies it perhaps report to the police as that would mean someone else is tracking you.

I'd put it on a bus or train and switch my phone off..

Having been in your situation, being accused of having an affair with a male co-worker by his insecure wife, run. If she's mental, your husband is this insecure and distrustful, it won't get better.

I wonder if she's spoken to your husband?

The one I knew had spoken to my husband who thankfully didn't believe her. She wanted him to spy on me to double check our 'alibis'.

Your husband needs therapy or you need to leave

The work colleague is a red herring. He is controlling and using the work rumour to justify it.

You say you don't want to risk reducing the quality of life for your child. But the alternative is staying with, and presumably still shagging, a man who frankly, is a creepy bastard.

Your child will be fine, don't pimp yourself out to a controlling fuckwit.

I really don't know what to do. I've found it, taken pictures, seen it on the iPad.

Do I leave it there and carry on? Do I park up somewhere obscure and wait for him to turn up and confront me? Do I throw it away and see what he does? Do I confront him and ask wtf he's playing at?

I don't know how to handle the situation.

Can you go and stay with a good friend for a couple of days to give you some head space ?

I've called my mum and searched my car with my best friend.

Put it on a bus or a train

Do you know anyone going away ? Preferably very far away

Just send it away and wait for him to raise it?

My personal experience with these ‘paranoid’ men is they’re usually projecting themselves: they think you’re cheating because that’s what they would do.

Can you put it in his car without him knowing? Either that or carry it round with you and place it on your pillow or somewhere obvious so he sees it and if he mentions it just say well you're obviously wondering where I am all the time so I will carry it round everywhere then you know!

Someone who is 'not particularly controlling' doesn't go through your diaries and hide a tracker in your car.

This. You are just cranking it all up. 🤷‍♀️

Hide it at your mum's if you can. Don't keep it in your car but you probably want to keep it as evidence because a man who would do this after showing trust issues in the past is likely to escalate his behaviour.

Even if he was totally justified in not trusting you, this is not how he should deal with it.