Tracker

[ohbloodyhelllll]

Hi,

I've just been out to a meeting and come home to find my husband looking at where I'd been exactly on a map on his phone.

He's then popped out and I looked through my notifications on my phone (I usually ignore all the app ones) and it said a FinderGo has been travelling with me.

He was funny with the car before he left. Went out to his and then got something from mine. I noticed the iPad was in there and that was weird. He said he'd got bored of waiting for me to get home and wanted to play on the iPad (which he never does) and tracked the location.

However this tracker has been in my car since he went in the car just before my meeting. My car isn't the tidiest so I've had a quick look, I can make it beep via the notification that came up but I can't find it. I've hidden both sets of keys to the car and will find it in the morning.

I'm furious tbh and can't sleep. I'm not sure what to do about this.

I'd find the tracker and give it to a friend who was going on holiday on a plane!

That would give him something to focus on.

Then I would leave him.

This would be the end of it for me. Call the police. He is stalking you and it is against the law.

I would take both keys to my car and give one to my Mum. I would then contact the police and tell them that I am frightened that I know my husband is stalking me and I’m terrified as I really would be. You need to be more scared. You need a divorce and you need evidence of his behaviour. So it needs to be logged with the police.

Honestly that is completely nuts and he needs some help, it's so weird to track your every move.

If the car is in your name then it is illegal for him to do this.

I would tell him that he marched outside now with me and he removed the illegal tracker from my car in front of me and he apologised profusely and agreed to get himself some counselling and help for his issues if he wanted the marriage to continue.

Failure to do this meant that I would report him to the police and say I wished to press charges. And I would bloody mean it. I'd also be speaking to a solicitor to consider filing for divorce.

His choice. But your marriage is in serious trouble. This is so far from normal.

You know that other man's wife is probably on Mumsnet and got ridiculed a couple of years ago when she came on here to say she's feeling a little insecure, her husband has really hit it off with a woman in work, they have the same sense of humour etc. I'm sure she was told with absolute certainty that the two of you are hard at it, day and night.

And now your husband is being told the same stuff. I'm not saying this excuses what he's done, just that people should stop bandying their over excited opinions around as facts.

Now to your actual problem which is how to address your findings. I'd do it calmly and head on. Tell DH you have both reached an impasse, either he accepts you've done nothing wrong and starts trusting and respecting you or you make plans to separate.

No middle ground.

Well if you get rid of it surely he'll replace it and be sneakier next time. If he thinks it's in place and doesn't know you know, you're in a stronger position.

I feel for you. I was only 18 and found out much later that people thought I was having an affair with someone in a different department in the supermarket we worked at. He must have been nearly double my age. My boyfriend worked with him and I had to walk through their bit to get to mine. He was happily married and they had a baby which they named after me and my boyfriend and I were Godparents to. Zero affair. But once I knew I put people starlight immediately.

You can't stay in this marriage so that you see your kids every day and can buy them fancy things. That is not fair on them.

Decide what you want and then speak to him. But this has to stop. He's being an arse at least but controlling at the most.

This is what I'm thinking. I'm going to leave it, but I also never lock my car - I have started doing so now!

At least till I've worked out a plan. I can't be in the same room as him at the moment, I feel sick to my stomach.

I'd plant it on a bus or random car.

Get it and send it to me! I'll drive around with it. Or walk around.

No, of course not. But there are ways to downplay things so that people stop seeing things that aren't there.

Besides, she's explained more about the rumors which weren't as bad as they sounded. That puts thing in a different light

This too...I had a bf with massive trust issues. He was constantly accusing me of all sorts with other men. He turned out to be an incredibly insecure flirt and very untrustworthy with other women. It was difficult to see that at the time.

Sorry but what an absolute loon. I'd stick the tracker to someone's wall or fence with a note for your husband and drive off. Nah I'd be really disturbed if my partner done that xxxx

That tracker would be going to an address a long way from home if I was you. I will happily take it on a little adventure for you @ohbloodyhelllll I remember a time on MN when it was safe to give your address out that this would have been so much fun watching your DH being completely confused as his little tracker was having many adventures.

I'd have some fun with it and drive to some random places for a bit and sit there just to confuse him. A strip club, his mum's house, a casino, a funeral parlour. We could all make suggestions for you.

How did you know he was looking at your location on his phone?

Ignore the victim blaming on this thread.

This is control and an invasion of your privacy.

I guess you have to decide what you want in the long term. His behaviour will ramp up - abusive behaviour always does. I think you'd better start putting your ducks in a row and having a plan for of if you do decide to get out.

He had his phone in his hand and had it tilted towards me to make it very visible when I walked in through the door. Totally bizarre focus on a particular shop I'd parked next to and then said that someone had been asking for recommendations about something that shop sells, of which he has absolutely no interest or knowledge.

I said that's odd because that is exactly where I've just been parked. How did he know that? And he said he'd tracked the iPad.

This tracker is pinging my phone on some form of security alert every time I use the car. It says an unknown tracker is travelling with me, gives me options to disable it or report it to the police etc. it also lets me see where he's traced my location. I don't think he's aware it's doing any of that.

He's put it under the seat in the car where my daughter sits, it took me a while to get it out and I've got quite tiny hands, I'm not sure he'd be able to get it back out even if he wanted to or had the opportunity.

He is going away next week and I'm going to sit on it till then, I'm not going anywhere out of the ordinary as it's half term and he can watch as much as he likes. I wonder if he feels guilty.

I've recently had a difficult time at work, quit one of my jobs and started therapy. I'm wondering if my privacy has been compromised with that in some way for this to be triggered with him this badly again. Perhaps he's heard this man's name mentioned because I've spoken about the problems it's caused and also about how I've tried to do the right thing by as many people as possible with the situation but I've taken the brunt of it. The endless gossip is a heavy weight to carry sometimes.

I couldn't not confront him.
I'd have to ask what the hell he thought he was doing.

Tbh this would be an absolute deal breaker for me. Relationships are built on trust and there is no trust.

I'd be reporting to the police tbh and filing for divorce. I accept that's probably an extreme reaction to many but this man isn't a partner and clearly has issues. What else is he being sneaky about?

I'd report it to the police, to be honest. Using the pretence that you have no idea it is him.

Put it in his car so when he tracks it he will know you found it and gave it back.
It will be interesting if he mentions it to you

I’m sorry but this would be the end for me.
if this was me I’d probably also talk to the police about it at the very least to get advice.

if he is doing that then it is not a stretch to believe he would use hidden microphones or cameras too.

i know you don’t want to give up your lifestyle and disrupt having your children and their life but life is way too hard and too short for you to be living this way. You deserve better than this