Silver foxes / Sugar daddy

[mnmnddddd]

Was listening to WE Woman's Hour and two contributors said that, when they were younger, they'd dated significantly older men and attributed some the attraction to "power".
Just wondering if this is more common than I've seen. I can see why older men would want to date younger women, but if you've dated older men, why? Money, status, maturity, power, sexual expertise?

Dating older men has never appealed to me. . .

I don't want to date my dad.

Journo piece?
I'd guess it's all the above for a woman in her 20s and 30s.
Watch it stop suddenly once women hit their 40s and beyond though.
Men in their 60s and 70s then have no appeal if you are 20 years their junior. That's when the tables turn.

I always liked older men and dated / had flings with much older men when I was in my 20’s.

I liked that they were ‘powerful’. All of the men I had a thing with were doctors/lawyers/CEOs/dentist etc. I also viewed them as mature however, now I’m older (39), I realise that was just my naivety.

Funnily enough other older men are not your dad 🫤

Older men never ever appealed to me when I was younger and now in my 50’s even less so.

Ive always had and wanted a more equal relationship with an even power balance.

Absolutely not a journo.
Feel free to research my usual contributions to MN. (I mainly post on the Sex board, but felt this fitted more into relationships.)

Depends on people’s attachment styles.

I’d say primarily low self esteem and some don’t feel able to attract a good looking, successful man their own age so they trade youth for other desirable characteristics such as money/social standing. Harsh but true in many cases.

I’ve dated folks twenty years younger and up to 16 years older (I’m 50 now).

my current partner of 9 years is 14 years older than me. He’s not rich, he’s a young 64, still working, healthy and active and always dragging me on walks. He goes off to interesting festivals and gigs. So not in his dotage.

I think it’s not so much ‘oh there’s an older man - yum’. It’s the self confidence some men have held, that they could have a laugh, had interests and didn’t just want to sit at home or in a pub.

So not power, prestige or money. But someone’s joie de vivre.

For me it was a stages of life and maturity levels thing.

When I was 18 - mid thirties, a large proportion of my friends were significantly older anyway - didn't get on so well with most other teens/20s, and dated people from within my various friendship groups, some around 15yrs older, although some within a year or two of my age. Mostly (but not exclusively) older men and women around my age, because women mature much faster, it seems.

So it was never a question of particularly desiring to date older, it was just the people amongst my friends I was attracted to.

As I got older, the age gap with a lot of my friends reduced, so now it's not an issue.

From early 30s onwards I've been dating within ~5yrs of my age, and now in my early 40s would also consider dating up to about 5yrs younger, as now a significant number of the same age or older people I meet are starting to make "oh I'm too old for that" moans, which is equally off-putting, when I'm still just as active and sporty etc.

Anytime I see a young woman with an old man - they are effectively dating their dad.

Same for women.

Young men with old women - the men are dating their mum.

Not nice.

There are usually always mummy issues or daddy issues somewhere.

The biggest age gap I've ever experienced was a man ten years older than me, and in bed that really showed ie he was excellent. But along with that, he was slightly cringey in the old fashioned things he said and he was also arrogant and made decisions for me, thinking he knew best. That was a massive turn off.

He told me about his ex girlfriend before me who was 25 and he was 54, and they dated for two years and she openly admitted that she was working out her daddy issues with him (absent father) BUT - he had a heart attack and it was very serious and she did not visit him in hospital at all. So much for love.

I went out with a guy ten years older than me when I was 18, when we met we actually didnt realise the age gap - he thought I was older by about five years and I thought he was younger. I liked him though as I'd had enough of guys my age and their immaturity and fucking around cheating. He was mature, treated me well, more experienced in bed and had his own house and more cash. It didn't last long as we both wanted different things, I was at Uni and he was looking to meet someone to settle down with but it was fun for the short time it did.

I don’t think so. I didn’t have any daddy (or any) issues. I was just simply sexually attracted to much older, hot, successful men. I had many friends who’d only date older men too and as far as I’m aware, they didn’t have any “daddy issues” either.

I remember being 18-19-20 at uni, thinking those hot 40-something professionals were just the most articulate creatures who could satisfy me sexually. I learned so much from them! Not just sexually but career wise too. Actually one of my “friends with benefits” was got me a legal training contract at his firm, which helped me so much. He really was like a fuck buddy life mentor.

I was also seeing the most gorgeous GP at one stage (I was 21 and he was 37), he was like a Greek God, so intelligent. He taught me so much about how to advocate for myself in medical settings and also taught me so much about my body, sexually and otherwise.

I have zero regrets, zero self esteem issues and zero daddy issues. I simply was/am attracted to older men. I loved no strings attached sex too. I’d love to go back!

I’m the same as Aussiegirl.

I've always dated men 10-20 years older than me. I don't really know what it is, but I find men my age very icky. I suspect it's because I am the 'baby' of my family with a significant age gap with my siblings, and I 'identify' as older myself!!!! (In that my cultural references are probably my siblings'.)

Even now I am in my fifties, I still fancy men in their 70s and 80s. They have a lovely twinkle about them!

(Weirdly though the women I have dated have been my age, or younger.)

I think it works well for some.
A couple of friends of mine married men in their 50's when they were in their 30's, for one of them it was certainly because she wanted to settle down after a bit of a wild past.
Unfortunately when the men hit 60 and started making noises about retirement both wives realised that the age gap was going to become an issue and left (one for another woman interestingly). As some men get older they can get a bit grumpy and stuck in their ways - one friend said that every time she suggested anything like a holiday/restaurant etc it was met with "what would we want to do that for?"

There is definitely an anxiety as I get older about my husband ageing before me. Although he's a very young-seeming chap, but the reality of those numbers can be scary. I will probably end up caring for him. BUT who knows? You can't predict these things. At the moment he's much fitter than me.

@ButtercupBeans

Anytime I see a young woman with an old man - they are effectively dating their dad.

Same for women.

Young men with old women - the men are dating their mum.

All people of a certain age are not the same.

You may as well say if someone is dating someone near their own age they are dating their brother/sister

Some 60 year olds are croaky fuddy duddies, stuck in their ways. Some are fitter than most 30 year olds and in some creative industry full of innovation.

I was naive as well married 31 years older than me. With him 16 years what a mistake. I had daddy issues and he was my life saver. Now can't even divorce him as no money and just he is getting old and vulnerable. Never do it girls unless is rich as hell. I'm a cook, cleaner, mother and soon I will be a carer I also work full time. As soon as kids are 18 I'm going to live him I will be poor, damaged and nearly 50. Sad story ....

ut if you've dated older men, why? Money, status, maturity, power, sexual expertise?

I have repeatedly and I would say starry-eyed hero worship or something like that.

I was at the time preparing to enter and then in the early stages of entering a very hierachical profession full of men who are self confident and full of themselves. If that is what you aspire to, it is very very attractive to have a successful high achiever pay attention to you and spoil you with also a much bigger income.

If you are medical student, it's really exciting to have one of the top surgeons show an interest in you. Plus older men like that tend to be more selfconfident about 'the chase' as they don't really give a shit, when you are comparing it with the blushing-fumbling-around-to -ask- you out of a student contemporary who is still a bit scared of girls, there is no comparison. It feels very glamourous and swept off your feet.

Nothing like it in the world. It's exciting. sadly we all grow older so you lose that innocence and the buzz of the older guy riding in like a knight in white porsche.

Respectfully, daddy issues.

I'm with an older partner. I have dated my age and older, it's the person you connect with rather than going out to find 'an older man'.
I have my own house, work etc so wouldn't particularly be looking for money/security; but that said, drive and ambition is attractive to me.
I like sophisticated men and i guess i've always found them to be a bit older. (Still have dad who is still married to mum, no issues there; older partner wasn't married, no kids so no affair type story.)

I've always identified ( for want of a better word ) as older.

In my late teens/20s , I dated men 10-15 years older. 30ish year old men are sometimes still quite immature, so we were more on the same level . No daddy issues, they weren't rich or anything.

I have friends that are 15-20+ years older. Society isn't quite as judgement about that

It's natural for women to be attracted to 'strong' men, and men in their 40s and early 50s are often at the top of their game.

This kind of attraction tends to quickly dissipate once men hit their 60s are start hurtling towards 'little old man' territory.