Silver foxes / Sugar daddy

[mnmnddddd]

Was listening to WE Woman's Hour and two contributors said that, when they were younger, they'd dated significantly older men and attributed some the attraction to "power".
Just wondering if this is more common than I've seen. I can see why older men would want to date younger women, but if you've dated older men, why? Money, status, maturity, power, sexual expertise?

IME its not always the physical aging thats an issue, its mindset.
Of course many men in their 60's and more are still fun and open to trying new things etc but most of the ones I know don't

Hell no. I've never been so naive as to think a man who'd trade off his 'power' to get a woman who'd not look at him twice if he stacked shelves in Tesco had anything that I'd want. They're just sad lecherous losers, who happen to have a Big Job and a bob or two.

If older men dating younger women are sad, lecherous losers, are older women dating younger men sad, lecherous losers?

If they target young men who are less wealthy and/or junior to them, use their positions of power to advance the young man in return for him dating them, or hint they will do so, use their wealth to buy and keep his attentions...then sure. Why? Do you think this is something that older women are prone to do in the same way as older men?

I've just turned 60. I don't drink much at all, never smoked and rarely go to a pub but so many guys my age really have settled around the working and drinking every weekend culture, and once they hit 45 they start to age mentally, quickly in some cases. I think it is, in part, mindset and also just going through the motions. One life - live it, works for me. To live it means looking after yourself a little. You've got to keep active. That's what it is for me.

I only have one female friend dating someone older and have only known one older woman who dated a younger man. She was mainly doing it for the sex (just as he probably was) and she didn't need to "buy" him with promotion or status or Blahniks. That said, she seemed happy.

I wouldn't want to be in either position personally. I'd rather be with someone who is old enough to share my cultural references and to share a room in the care home when the time comes. Even if I could attract someone 20ys younger, I can't imagine having enough to talk about over breakfast and I don't need someone else to make me feel younger than I do anyway.

Quite a lot of assumptions there about age-gap relationships. My first partner was 12 years older than me and a carpenter. Hardly luring me in with his power levers (although he did make me a nice toilet roll holder).

How was your relationship with your own dad?

The assumptions were made in the OP, not by me. She listed a specific set of reasons why women may enter these relationships, and called the men 'sugar daddies', so its these relationships I'm referencing, not every relationship where there happens to be an age gap.

I've never dated older - just not for me.

If you needed someone to make you feel younger you'd do better with an old man than a younger one tbh. The contrast would be a great deal more flattering.

31 years older, yeesh!

DH's wealthy grandfather left his grandmother for a woman the same age as his daughter (DH's mum)

They had 4 kids.
He got Alzheimers.
She was his nurse for 15 years.
Be careful what you wish for.

Personally, I dramatically left a LTR I'd been in with a lovely boyfriend who was the same age as me.

The man I left him for was 48 when I was 28. I say "man" but to me he was a sex god 😂😂. I was literally obsessed with him. He was a musician, artist and hedonist. Not a "powerful" person at all. In fact a right drop out. But to me he was the sexiest thing on the planet.

Anyway, predictably our relationship didn't last. It lasted three and a half intense years which I look back on with nothing but fondness and I still check in on him from time to time.

I left the hedonist for a beautiful man who I'm still with, I was early 30's when we got together, he was late fourties. No children then (one with each other now).

I think many older men generally will have children already? Making it complicated? Depending on the existing ages obviously...

I'm in love with (15 years older than me) DP now because he's amazing, unbelievably sexy, and I couldn't be without him. He's not typically successful iykwim, he's successful in a niche but nothing to write home about. Our son has an "older" dad obviously, compared to his friends but it makes no difference practically.

Going with older men has never been about "power" wealth or status, that sort of thing. I just got massively attracted to DP and didn't notice the age gap.

Ah, the old 'daddy issues' trope. The same old cod psychology rubbish that gets wheeled out every time there's a discussion on age gap relationships.

I think the reasons people date much older are incredibly varied. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I've always found significantly older men much more attractive in purely physical terms. Not just any older man, obviously, but fit, strong, handsome men in their 50s/60s with full heads of hair have been very much my thing since I was in my teens and they still are now (I'm 40).

The potential issues with having a long-term committed relationship with a considerably older partner are another discussion. When it comes to dating for fun though, I'm all in. I had an absolute whale of a time dating men in their 50s and 60s in my 20s and 30s - superb sex with men I liked and got on well with.

I think a more important question is why some people have a problem with this? I speak from experience - particularly when I was in my 20s, if I was out with a much older partner I would semi-regularly get unpleasantness directed at me. Over the years I had complete strangers whisper 'slut' into my ear on the tube, weird aggressive hard stares, tuts and the OTT rolling of eyes. In EVERY case these came from older women and were very much directed at me rather than my partner.

I've always found boys (or men, when in my late 20s) my age very immature. I was more put together, with a clear goal and a career path, and they were just there fucking around and living day to day. My mom used to say that I was born old. So it was somewhat logical that I ended up dating older men.

DH is seven years older than me; I'm 33 and he's 40. Been together ten years. When we met, we didn't know how old the other was! Didn't think to ask until the second date. I assumed he was a bit older because I knew he was further in his career while I was just starting, but. 🤷‍♀️ Too late by that point! We were head over heels!

I've dated one bloke 15 years older, so obviously I knew then. No daddy issues or hero worship, he was just good looking and interesting. Single, no family, he was a playwright. Only a brief fling but he was respectful and good in bed; far better than anyone I'd had up to that point. Thankfully DH outdid him!

I always found men my age really immature. Couldn't be bothered with the same issues always cropping up in relationships, and their skills in bed were abysmal. Like I said, it wasn't a direct choice to choose DH as he was a bit older, he just happened to be, but it did show in the way he treated me.

One friend is attracted to older men for the money and security.

I’ve never been attracted to an older man in real life, have liked some famous ones. It’s hard enough to find good looking man as it is and despite the narrative not all men look better as they get older.

I’m not adverse to a younger man though, don’t women peak sexually in their 40s and men in their 20s?

Power/Wealth and Youth/Beauty have always found one another- it's a story as old as time. If it were not so, there would be no sugar daddies, no First Wives Club, no trophy wives, Rupert Murdoch and Donald Trump would be married to their high school sweethearts and sleeping your way to the top would never have been a thing. Female animals are biologically programmed to choose mates who will be good providers hence young women may be swept off their feet by older men who are already professionally successful, confident and better off than the boys of their own age. I'm reminded of Mrs Merton asking a much younger Debbie Macgee 'So what was it that first attracted you to millionaire Paul Daniels?' .

Of course it's not always the case, and there will be lots of instances of younger women falling for older men just because they are soul mates. Equally, the wealthy older woman enjoying time with a handsome younger man is not unheard of either.

at the idea these guys were powerful (especially the dentist!) isn't it just they have their shit together, dress well, have confidence & money compared to the lads your age when you are that old?

I'm in the camp on not wanting to date my dad and I quite liked getting into scrapes and having fun with the guys my age, the whole being 'treated like a lady/grown up' has never appealed to me.

Once I started earning decent(ish) money older men were even less appealing

I have always been attracted to boys and then men older to me, since I was a teenager. I think it was and is still to do with maturity. The sex has been great too, as I have discovered in recent years. Of course this doesn't mean that if someone is older, they are automatically mature. It's the same as any other age group.
I have no 'daddy issues'. It's frankly a very outdated and even a one-sided way of looking at things. We, as humans, are much more complex and a behaviour cannot be necessarily attributed to a fixed set of characteristics.

I was never interested in ‘mature’ men and being wined and dined etc.

From my teens I was a clubber/raver and an older man was far too old for me.

I’ve never dated more than a few years either side of my age and even now in my 50’s my hate partner was 5 years older and he seemed too old for me

I like someone who’s had similar experiences to me and who I can relate to regarding our terms of reference, music, tv etc.

Great. He and mum were married until they passed away. He was a great dad. Very supportive of us children. No daddy issues here. I just was simply attracted to older (caveat, they had to be hot and intelligent) men.

😁yeah the drugs were good weren’t they! Didn’t need old men and fancy restaurants 🫣😂