Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He’s a lovely guy but not the best looking

73 replies

Positivegirl · 27/10/2024 08:52

I’ve been dating this guy for 2 months, he’s very kind, caring.

However there’s a couple of things he’s not the best looking. He’s also told me how people meaning friends, ex disrespect him as he is kind and he’s ok with this. My last concern is the dating turned in to a 10 year relationship already. We not going to new places and exploring life together at all. It’s mainly at his chilling.

He is consistent, safe and an overall good guy. But he’s not the guy you show off but ik he will treat me well. I don’t know what to do

Any advice?

oh Yh and he keeps saying your going to be my girlfriend soon if I keep playing my cards right

OP posts:
OrsolaRosso · 27/10/2024 08:56

Well, how good looking are you?
I would say that the majority of people are not the best looking.
Is there chemistry between you? Is he kind to waiting staff and animals?

ShowmetheBotox · 27/10/2024 08:59

The going to be his girlfriend soon if you play your cards right would piss me off.

Your 2 months in and not feeling it - move on x

TomWambsgansSwans · 27/10/2024 09:00

It just doesn't sound like you're sexually attracted to him, and you're already bored two months in. Objectively, most people are 'not the best looking' but they are with someone who finds them compatible.

What do you want to do?

Bestyearever2024 · 27/10/2024 09:00

If you feel bored and aren't attracted to him after TWO months, get out now

TwistedWonder · 27/10/2024 09:01

If 2 months in you’re not going out on dates and already stuck at the staying home stage, I’d either suggest to him you want to go out more or accept this is who he is and end it.

Tbh by your OP you don’t sound like you like him much anyway. 2 months in you should be buzzing not settling

PinkBlouse · 27/10/2024 09:01

Forget his looks. You’re bored after two months. Also, he sounds like a creep.

Original poster
Positivegirl · 27/10/2024 09:04

It’s one of those situations I think he’s in shock that he’s got me also. I’m not saying this to be big headed. He’s also decided to use my middle name to his people then the name I use. He said it’s because then no one before can claim me and only he can. But now I’m starting to feel like maybe he’s also worried he can’t keep me.

and I know what I’m saying sounds crazy big headed and that’s not what I’m intending to do

OP posts:
Spinet · 27/10/2024 09:04

You don't sound like you like him. So don't go out with him. Nobody is perfect and looks really don't count in relationships. Fancying, liking, and being excited by someone do matter though and being single is ok.

TwistedWonder · 27/10/2024 09:06

You sound like you think you’re doing him
a favour lowering yourself to date him.

Do the poor man a favour and let him go and find someone who appreciates him

TripleCarber · 27/10/2024 09:09

Ew your description massively gave me the ICK.
Looks aren’t all that important, but his attitude and how he talks is so weird

AlteredStater · 27/10/2024 09:10

Trust me looks are not going to be the biggest issue here! He uses your middle name so that 'only he can claim you'?? That is a big red flag right there. Also he doesn't appear to make much effort in the relationship, another red flag. I'm not at all sure that he would treat you well.

On the other hand, you need to put 'good looks' way down your list of priorities. That doesn't mean settling for someone like him, though!

BlastedPimples · 27/10/2024 09:13

He sounds weird. Not using your usual name for an odd reason.

You don't fancy him either.

Bin it.

Grepes · 27/10/2024 09:15

You don’t fancy him, what’s the point? Relationships shouldn’t be this hard at the beginning. Is just let this one go.

Lucy20333 · 27/10/2024 09:35

Positivegirl · 27/10/2024 08:52

I’ve been dating this guy for 2 months, he’s very kind, caring.

However there’s a couple of things he’s not the best looking. He’s also told me how people meaning friends, ex disrespect him as he is kind and he’s ok with this. My last concern is the dating turned in to a 10 year relationship already. We not going to new places and exploring life together at all. It’s mainly at his chilling.

He is consistent, safe and an overall good guy. But he’s not the guy you show off but ik he will treat me well. I don’t know what to do

Any advice?

oh Yh and he keeps saying your going to be my girlfriend soon if I keep playing my cards right

Sounds like you’re really not into him. Let’s put looks aside a moment.

Let me see if I read this right..

You like some qualities like “caring and safe” but… sounds like you find him boring… also sounds like he lets people walk all over him and disrespect him? You don’t find this attractive right? and all you do is chill at his…which you don’t find a turn on either right? I think if he was a little bit more adventurous, romanced you better and stood up for himself more you’d find him more attractive and want to show him off as he would be more attractive ?

Someone being “ok” with them being disrespected by others isn’t an attractive or necessarily “safe”… if he can’t stand up for himself or have his own back how is he going to have yours later when it matters??

Lust is one thing but love that can grow is nothing without respect.

I think you find him boring “safe” not “good” safe and don’t even fancy him so it’s a friendship not a romance for you long term.

Take note of his best qualities and then go find those in the man you should be with, one you love the look of and want to show off…but not necessarily because he’s got model looks… but because you will find him hot to the core as he will have a self respect and morals you adore and do things together you enjoy, find exciting whilst still treating you like the woman you want to be with him in return. They exist and so do soul mates don’t waste time on someone who isn’t yours or you’ll never find them and he won’t find his.

Lovelyaryan · 27/10/2024 09:37

Positivegirl · 27/10/2024 09:04

It’s one of those situations I think he’s in shock that he’s got me also. I’m not saying this to be big headed. He’s also decided to use my middle name to his people then the name I use. He said it’s because then no one before can claim me and only he can. But now I’m starting to feel like maybe he’s also worried he can’t keep me.

and I know what I’m saying sounds crazy big headed and that’s not what I’m intending to do

This is super weird...

Original poster
Positivegirl · 27/10/2024 09:45

@Lucy20333 i really appreciate your message and you have understood what I was saying. Although I knew he wasn’t a model looking guy I still thought he was cute and I was ok with this. As time went on and he talks about how his friends talk down to him. we went out and I saw him get pushed about. It made the attraction fade.

i just don’t want to hurt him and he keeps saying he’s he may make me his girlfriend if I keep going the way I am going. But tbh now maybe I should be taking that as an insult as he may be just waiting for me to mess up

OP posts:
LizzieBowesLyon · 27/10/2024 09:47

“May make me his girlfriend”???

WTF?

LizzieBowesLyon · 27/10/2024 09:48

Do you fancy him? Have you snogged him? Is there any chemistry?

Squashinthepinkcup · 27/10/2024 09:51

My 'one that got away' was not conventionally good looking. I remember telling my friends about how wonderful he was and then seeing their eyebrows go up when they met him for the first time. He wasn't what they expected, but he won them over in minutes. He was the funniest, kindest person ever. Time with him was so easy. He was super thoughtful, romantic, adventurous in all the best ways and the sex was INCREDIBLE. We were in our mid 20's and heading to different parts of the world, wanting different things from life so it didn't work out long term, but whilst it lasted it was wonderful.

Looks are just aesthetic. They help with initial attraction imo but long term affections are based on far more than your face. The most gorgeous people can be really ugly on the inside.

Squashinthepinkcup · 27/10/2024 09:52

Just read the other posts. If anyone was talking about 'claiming' me and 'making me his girlfriend' I'd be getting my coat...

Mehmeh22 · 27/10/2024 09:52

@Squashinthepinkcup I don't think that's what's going on here. Lol

sweaterrweatherr · 27/10/2024 09:54

Are you both teenagers?

nOasistickets · 27/10/2024 09:54

Urgh he sounds gross. ‘May make you’ his gf?! wtf. Bin him.

aCatCalledFawkes · 27/10/2024 09:58

OrsolaRosso · 27/10/2024 08:56

Well, how good looking are you?
I would say that the majority of people are not the best looking.
Is there chemistry between you? Is he kind to waiting staff and animals?

This is so true about looks. When I look at my friends partners I never think to myself “oh they’re really good looking”, but obviously my friends find them attractive.

However if your not feeling it your not feeling it so I would let him go,

ZekeZeke · 27/10/2024 09:58

He sounds vile, so many red flags there OP, I’d be running for the hills

Swipe left for the next trending thread