When is an affair boundary crossed?

[NotThOtherWoman]

I am mid 30's, single, never married but need advice from those who are.

There is a guy at work who sends me friendly messages. Our company is multi-site but about once a month we work in the same building on same floor (not co-ordinated, just statistically ends up being about that often). We do not work together so have no reason to be in contact other than friendly colleagues - a relationship I have with lots of people (men and women) because I chat to everyone.

He hasn't said anything untoward, but I just have a feeling that when we're next working away he might suggest dinner. And I can't work out why that niggles me slightly. I know in my head and heart I would never do anything physical with someone in a relationship, but at what point does the line blur when you think "yeah you really should have seen that coming".

He has not mentioned a wife and doesn't wear a ring but I did my homework online because i'm a good citizen / a massive stalker.

I meet with platonic work friends all the time so I don't know why I have a feeling this is different / potentially could be wrong, I just do.

The furthest I've got in determining a "line" is one of secrecy. If you're open with everyone about "oh I had dinner with X", it's probably ok.

Do others agree?

Just trust your gut and say no, you're sorry you're unavailable.

Can you make up a friend who happens to live close by? Or an on the side online tutoring job?

I take it the friendly messages are unsolicited and not work related? Of course that could be fine - but your gut is telling you it isn't!

Maybe it depends on work-place etiquette but where I work if there are multiple people working away and staying in the same hotel we always go out for dinner together, go for breakfast together, it would be more odd if there were 2 people going and they went out separately

Marriages aren't disrupted by platonic dinners with work colleagues.

It's really odd that you searched companies House to see if he were married and started a thread talking about "affair boundaries".

This guy has done nothing to suggest he wants to have an affair with you. You clearly have the hots for him

Same here.

Although I have been known to deliberately arrange a different hotel so I can avoid the breakfast small talk as I hate it

So get a grip and stop searching men you work with, it's desperate and you need to give your head a shake, all you'll be doing is making a fool of yourself , you fancy him it's stinks of desperation. Go get a life and find a single man.

You said yourself that if you knew for sure he was single that you would entertain him…hence the relevant responses..

So he hasn't actually suggested a dinner or anything intimate and you've stalled him online and know his relationship status... I'd personally think he has more call to be worried here...