Jealous sister in law

[SweetTooth88]

Hello, this is my first post on here as I feel I have nowhere else to find support and advice.

My sister in law (dh’s brother’s gf) has never been my cup of tea but I have always just grinned and beared it during family gatherings where she is insufferably loud, dominant and always wanting to hold court and be the center of attention. I’m very quiet and shy but I’ve always just gone along with it. She has also been in the family a lot longer than I have so I think has her feet more under the table. However, things have changed and she is showing her true ugly colours since I had my ds.

She had a baby a year before me and since my ds has been born she has been ignoring me and ds. She has never tried to interact with him, talk to him or even said hello to him. She literally ignores us when we walk in to a family gathering. She is a real nasty piece of work which I’ve always known but it is now really affecting me because it’s to do with my ds who is only a little baby and I don’t ant him to be pushed out by her. She is clearly jealous that he has come along and is taking it out on him, even though he’s only a baby. At one event she moved her picnic mat so ds and I couldn’t sit on it, she purposely ignores anything we put on the family group chat about him and has never once liked a social media post about him. It is really getting me down and hurting me deeply as I want to stick up for him and don’t want him to feel isolated and pushed out of the family by her, as I have done in the past. My DH understands but is a lot more passive than me and doesn’t want confrontation, which I also don’t but then I think he needs to stick up for his son more and be more protective over him.

I am getting really upset about this constantly and just need some advice on how to handle things without causing a rift. Thanks.

Ignore her. You don’t even like her so who cares what she thinks. She’s clearly very insecure. The empty can rattles the loudest. That’s why she always needs to be the centre of attention. My advice would be to just live your life and don’t worry about her. I’m sure the rest of the family won’t treat your ds any different. And if she says or does anything directly towards your ds, then you tear her a new one. Don’t give her any fuel. Ignore her. She wants attention. Deny it. She’s pathetic.

I doubt your sons uncles girlfriend will feature much in his life as a significant person, so although you notice her odd behaviour it may not even occur to him if you don’t make it a thing. He’ll probably just think she’s always been like that and is a bit of an odd bod.

Keep interactions to a minimum, just stay polite and kind to set a good example to your son. Fill your life with more hobbies and interests and stop letting this horrible person suck joy from your life, don’t give them any more head space.

Just ignore her. Let her bad behavior stand out.

Avoid being in close proximity, always be polite but distant.

As for SM, so what? Her not liking posts is irrelevant and of zero consequence!

Let her be childish. You be the adult.

She sounds rude and cold for sure.
But the last thing you should do is let her know you've noticed her absence of attention. Doing so will absolutely feed her ego.

Instead, you must ignore it. Pretend she isn't even there. Inconsequential.

Of course she is jealous of you and ds getting any of the attention from family, but that's not your problem, it's hers. So do not acknowledge it or feel slighted by her. If anything you should use this as evidence that she evidently does spend enough time thinking about you to go to such lengths in being so rude.

Ignore as long as it's not affecting how anyone else treats you just leave it. Ask your dh to be aware too as he could maybe say something if she's out of line.

Just try to avoid her as much as possible. And I think your feelings are valid.
I totally understand wanting to feel supported in this situation.

You don't like her so why on earth do you care? This all sounds drama seeking and weird

You don’t like her, she doesn’t like you. Just let it go and ignore it. She’s not pushing your child out. She’s not got that much power.

Moving a blanket?
Do you realise how ridiculous that sounds?
Not acknowledging social posts isn't a crime.
There is nothing in your OP that would indicate she is jealous, it just sounds like you don't like each other.
As for confrontation, don't attempt this, you will look like a loon.
Limit your interaction, stop looking for validation on social media live your life.
Keep visits where she will be to an absolute minimum or get your DP to attend with your DS on his own.

She's probably jealous that you've been in the family less time but have secured marriage and a child before her.

Um the sister in law has a child, had one a year before, it’s right there in the op. Why would she be envious?

I could have written very similar myself
(Although they don't have a child)
Ignore, ignore, ignore
As PP said, she's an insignificant person in your child's life and will soon come to realise that she's a cold hostile cow.
Totally empathise with how it feels. I used to make an effort and be kind, but now I just ignore and don't even speak to her and that's fine with me as she's awful anyway!

Perhaps your years of "grinning and bearing it" weren't quite performed so well and she's aware you really don't like her and think these things about her?

From her side a new GF has come into the family that she's already part of and decided she doesn't like her 🤷 perhaps she's ignoring you at family gatherings as that's what it sounds like you've done to her previously, and she now doesn't want to interact for the sake of the DC?

I'm assuming you're all over her socials liking all of her posts and interacting with her DC at every chance? 👀 Or are you both being standoffish because you've realised you don't like each other?

Realistically she's hardly the most influential person in your DCs life, it'll be fine.

@Dragonflysparkles I know, but the SIL has not secured marriage yet, where as OP has.

My sister in law was exactly like this, couldn't stand the fact that even with a child her partner wouldn't marry her.

@rubyrubyrubyrubymurray meant earlier in her relationship than her, not before her. Maybe SIL is feeling insecure that she isn't even engaged, let alone married. Maybe she doesn't like anything that takes attention away from her and her own baby, who knows.

OP, as long as your son is getting attention and interaction from the important people - your MIL, FIL, BIL - then there's nothing to worry about. You're not going to get 'pushed out'. Stop stressing about the GF making comments on a group chat or liking posts on social media. It's really not important. Just interact with the people who do adore your son.

Do you comment on and like stuff about her DC?

I understand what you’re saying but the term securing marriage is like something out a Jane Austin novel. This is 2024, if women get married it’s a choice, we don’t need to secure it,

She's definitely jealous that you're married and your little family all has the same surname whilst hers doesn't. This is her problem, I would just ignore her. Jealousy is an ugly trait.

@Dragonflysparkles you can't force done e to marry. My SIL was desperate to be married and suggested it but her partner didn't want to. Therefore she didn't secure the deal.

I speak as an independent woman who does not live in a Jane Austen fairytale mentality.

You don’t like your husband’s brother’s girlfriend and she doesn’t like you. So why would you want to be stuck next to her on a family picnic day?!

The not liking posts and messages is irrelevant to your child, who won’t have a phone for at least 10 years.

I would put money on this being the reason she dislikes you. You obviously joined the family later than her but have legal status as daughter in law and brothers wife - as opposed to son's girlfriend - which has none.

Regardless of the opinions on marriage. It still remains a contract of legal status that confer certain rights that she does not have - and again , a legal status within the family that she doesn't have. For reasons we do not know.

As long as this is not affecting you /your dc interaction with your parents in law/his grandparents - then she is entirely inconsequential.

Is that the most intelligent thing a person can think of 'their just jealous'

So people really think others are jealous or is one of things people just say for no reason?

Yes I’m finding it discomfiting, jealous she is married, securing marriage. I honestly didn’t know women actually thought like this in this day and age. But there you go.

for me, it’s just simply she doesn’t like the op. The op doesn’t like her, and no one is claiming that’s as she’s jealous.

Thank you so much for all the reassuring messages and responses of advice and support, I really appreciate it! It’s nice to know it’s not just me!

Talking about jealously, my MIL was the one that actually said that she had picked up on her being cold and rude to me and DS and that she thought she was jealous of our family and didn’t want any attention taken away from her own son so that’s not coming out of nowhere.

I know SM isn’t all that important but it’s just another nail in the coffin really. Yes I liked some of her pictures with her son before I had mine, sent congratulations ECT when she gave birth because I was happy for her, none of which I received in return. It all just adds up and I think not being happy for someone when something nice happens to them, just plain nasty. I just don’t understand nastiness towards a baby who has done nothing wrong and is an innocent party. I actually have never done anything to her either but for some reason she’s making a problem with me, I don’t want any hassle or problems but it hurts when it’s to do with your child.

Also, it’s not just a case of ‘we don’t like each other’ as, although we are very different personalities, there has never been any animosity from her up until this point when I had my baby.

I was just giving one example of how she tries to exclude us. I’m not going to explain every single thing she has ever done which indicates her jealously.

I also said I don’t want confrontation but I also don’t think standing up for your child and trying to sort out a situation like an adult would make me ‘look like a loon’.

Sorry but you know nothing about me or my SM, I post once in a while of memories of me and my family which isn’t a crime and doesn’t need to be justified. I don’t do it for ‘validation’. I was asking for advice and support with my problem, not about how much SM should matter in my life.