My DP stays at his ex wife’s house when he visits home

[Happybunny80]

My DP and I have been together for just over a year and we’ve been living together for 3 months. He hasn’t told his grown children about me yet (31 & 25) and the majority of his friends don’t know I exist.

I lived in a different country and he moved to be with me. After one month of living together he went back to his homeland to see his doctor and stayed with his ex wife (separated not divorced) and one his 26 yr old son. His other son has a spare room but he made the excuse that he couldn’t stay there as there wasn’t a bed in the room. He stayed over night and now he has planned another trip for two nights still staying with his ex wife and son.

I find this very disrespectful but when I bring it up he gets angry and doesn’t see what the problem is. He says he moved away from them and gave up his life to be with me so why isn’t that enough to show how much he loves and wants me. He says he is going to tell them all about me in 2 weeks when he is back, but I just don’t believe he will. I’ve put my foot down and said that come Christmas, if he goes home, then I’m going too and suddenly the “I have to go to the docs every 2 months” isn’t a thing!

He regularly stays at my parents when I have a trip home and I never go anywhere without him. Apart from his gym time, he is with me 24/7 as he also now works with me.

I feel like I’ve shared my entire life with him as he has met all my friends, family and colleagues, yet there’s only 3 people in his life that know about me and my existence.

He won’t let me post any photos of him on social media as he says it’s not fair on his family to be splashing how happy we are when he has in effect abandoned them. He has put his foot down and said we won’t be having a foursome with his friend and his fiancée for dinner or drinks (she’s an awful woman to be fair and tried to stir things up in our relationship the first time I met her). I feel like I’m being hidden away and he wants me just to himself but equally share everything and everyone in my life.

Im almost 45 and don’t want to be flogging a dead horse. I don’t see why he has waited so long to tell his kids and I don’t see why he wants to stay at his ex wife’s house even though they had a very a amicable break up! Am I being ridiculous and harsh on him for not wanting him to stay there and wanting his family to know about me?

'Apart from his gym time, he is with me 24/7 as he also now works with me.'

Poor bloke.

OP this sounds horrible for you.
Sadly I have to agree with most the other posters on here and you are being hidden because he’s still the ‘happily’ married man at home.
I would hang on for a couple of months as I think Christmas will be the answer. I would be surprised if he was with you on Christmas Day and you’ll get some bullshit story around this time as to why he has to go home but he may make it back for you for the new year to ‘make it up to you’.
In the meantime I would do some serious digging on social media best you can it’s surprising what you can find with some serious digging look at and finding his family/friends/extended family pages some will have less private pages than others & something may pop up which proves he’s fed you a load of lies.
The only other reason I can think of is that he genuinely wants to wait for the divorce to come through in case your relationship hinders it in some way although if this was the case then I would expect him to be very open about this with you.

Op I’m so sorry but the way he talks to you-saying he’s done everything to be with you you are together one year- I never say ltb but it just doesn’t sound like an ok way to live after only one year x

Goodness, OP.

Red flags abound here. I think you've posted about this before. I recognise the story.

Put something on social media and watch what happens. You'll get your answer then, I'm afraid.

I'm sorry you're in this position.

What a lucky man he is. Fed up with his wife but not enough to do anything about. Living a life of absolute familiar convenience. Then along comes this younger woman with her own house and her own business. So again, without having to make any effort whatsoever, he gets to live overseas. He must have thought he died and gone to heaven.

When he visits the UK he makes no effort to find a place of his own. I
I think he has no respect for you not to do this small thing that you ask. Where does he find two such women who enable him to behave in this way?

I would be interested what is that he gives to you.

Is this behaviour anything to do with tradition, culture or religion? Very strange behaviour by a partner!! 😥

Not only is this probably still actively married bloke using you for free bed and board, he's also using you for financial gain and possibly a work visa as you not only provided him with somewhere to stay but also somewhere to work.
At this point you're a major feature in his day to day life but have to be kept hidden. That's so fishy it smells like a trawlerful of fish.
It's going to be tricky to get rid of him but you need to!

This. Sorry