OLD - where to start?

[SomewhereInMyHeart]

I’m mid 50s and divorced, live alone. Friends and family think I’m happily single but I’ve decided I really want to meet someone. I’m a bit scared to try OLD after all I’ve read here but I’m not a joiner-inner so don’t want to invest a lot of time in a walking club, evening class, sports etc. I work full time but mostly from home and when I’m in the office there are very few men who aren’t much younger than me. Or married! So I feel OLD is my best option.
Any tips/recommendations please?

Send out messages. Don’t wait for them to contact you. Go on lots of dates. Commit to no-one until you get to know them over a time. Just give it a go. And beware the d@@k pics. You WILL get them.

d@@k pics 🙈😮
Any recommendations for sites?

I tried Bumble and Hinge, wasn’t really committed to it and my God, saw some sights 😂. But was worth it for amusement factor. I’m same as you , mid 50’s and divorced but don’t think OLD is for me. Just leaving it to fate now.

Oh dear!!

I’m late 50’s divorced and I’d say Bumble probably best of a pretty bad bunch

OLD not great for older women. Expect to be messaged by men in their 70’s, men who are barely literate and plenty of cheesy/sleazy messages

Ive been on OLD coming up for 3 months and not had a date yet so it’s not easy at all

Early 50's, on a hiatus, don't know if I'll bother going back to it. The men our age on there - they don't wear well. I noticed either overweight or slimmer smokers. Occasional muscle obsessed gym pics, usually with no tops on 🙄. Not much normal in-between, average size, without a clear MH problem. I can say, never had a dick pick in my life OLD after years of dabbling, but I'm picky who I talk to. Flirting from the start gets a no, as does passing comments on my pics.
I can't recommend it, I'd say start becoming a 'joiner-in'. Beats me what you'd talk about if you don't do much other than wfh?

I tried bumble, gave up after 3 horrendous dates. Decided to just try and meet someone in my day to day life. It's now forcing me to be more sociable. I've not met a suitable partner yet but it's definitely better than just swiping and being bored by constant messages. Never had a dick pic thank god!

Do you know what you want? A full relationship or FWB? There are lots of men just wanting sex, but there are also some decent men in between the rest of them. There are also lots of married men. Some are open about it, others will "forget" to mention it.

I'm not sure the app really matters - you'll get the same men on them all. So go for one where you find the interface easy to use.

Don't expect too much. Take breaks when it's passing you off. You might get on really well with someone online, then have no chemistry when you meet in person. It happens- it's partly the point of meeting in person. Short first dates - coffee etc can be helpful; certainly better than a long dinner date with someone it turns out you're not keen on. Don't take it too seriously and have fun.

And yeah, there will be dick pics. Men are so terribly proud of themselves, and... it's just a dick. Thry all have them (though admittedly by this age, not all of them can easily sustain an erection, so perhaps thry need the proof gor themselves.)

Oh, if you go for sex, never expect them to have condoms. Chances are they will not mention contraception or STI checks at all. Protect yourself - they invariably won't.

Thanks for the replies, you are all putting me off!
I promise I’m not boring, wfh was just to say that I don’t meet a lot of people through work and I don’t have loads of time to join stuff, weekend/downtime is limited and precious.

The poster that says just try to be more sociable, yes I need to do that too.

And no. I don’t think I know what I want

Op I'm at a similar stage to you. I have given OLD a go at various stages.. at one point when I really went for it I went on 23 dates in 2 months! There were the definite nos, some in betweenners where one or both of us were ok but non plussed / then one who I really really liked -we went on a 2nd date then he ghosted me! All fairly standard stuff.

I am considering dipping my toe back in and signed up for Hinge a couple of days ago, I think it's got worse than before - however it is early days..

I am early 50s and keep getting sited like 'our time' and similar pop up (over 50s) .. the cover shots are always a silver fox and a pleasant looking woman on a country walk or similar.

I have considered it but not dabbled just yet. I'll keep you posted. Might be worth looking at? Equally it might be full of 70 year olds!

Ha ha yes I got that advert too. I’ve got to admit I can’t really believe I’m into that age bracket 🤣

@SomewhereInMyHeart

Me neither! Hence my hesitation 😂

There are plenty of men in their 60s and 70s on the general sites. I don't know I'd bother with one aimed st a particular age group (and I'm mostly only looking at my own age +/- 5 years.) Thry lie about their age anyway, if it suits them.

It both is and isn’t a numbers game. Isn’t - there’s no point in trying to match with all and sundry. Most of them won’t be for you so be discerning. Is - you’ll almost certainly have to go on several dates to get the hang of it, and find out what you’re after.

Don’t message for ages, it can build a false sense of intimacy and after a certain point it become quite unlikely it’ll be anything more than messages. Get a feel for whether they are on your wavelength for a few days, then arrange a meet.

I quite liked a Sunday evening for first dates. You’re not risking a precious Friday or Saturday for what could be a dud date, but you’re also not rushing out from work. And there’s a no-fault get out if it’s not working - need to be up for work!

Oh, and you’ll probably also get interest from much younger men if you include them in your age range!

I'm early 50s. Marriage breakdown, followed by a relationship where he was waaayyy to involved e with his ex.

I'd say don't worry about which app, many men will be on all of them. Choose an app you like and find easy to use.

I have very specific things I'm looking for in a partner so 99% of men I swiped left on, even though they might have been perfectly nice, they just seemed a bit dull.

I've not been short of dates and remember men will outnumber women on these things.

Any red flags for you, discount immediately. It won't get better. Don't rush into anything, you're there to have fun. Think of it like a nightclub in days gone by. Sometimes you'll sleep with them and never hear from them again, sometimes you won't, but you just get the ick. Occasionally you'll find one you're really keen on. Hopefully they will feel that way too. If they don't, you'll know fairly quickly, but don't be too quick to label what you've found.

Yeah, you’ve been lucky because I got sent them by men who I’d never even spoken to previously. Just open my messages and BAMB! There it was. And this happened a number of times. And then there were the ones who messaged and because I never responded, they gave me verbal abuse.

I have been on both Tinder and Bumble for the last four years, so I think that qualifies me as something of an OLD veteran! Your post resonates with me OP, as I am very much in the same situation as you - similar age and life circumstances. It has certainly been a grim experience, so be prepared to work on developing a very thick skin ......

This is just my experience of course, and others may disagree, but I found Bumble to be absolutely dire. Despite living close to two large cities, I had very few matches within a reasonable travelling distance and the men on the site seemed to be entitled and bad mannered (maybe the fact that women had to make the first move - although that has now changed - over inflated their egos and made them see themselves as a prize to be won). I had dates with 7 men via Bumble and with one exception, they weren't very nice people. They had all stated that they were looking for a serious relationship, but in reality they just wanted a quick shag, followed by a ghosting. However, they probably realised that the women on Bumble tend to be relationship minded, so stating their intentions up front wouldn't get them anywhere.

Rather surprisingly, given its reputation as a hook up site, I had a lot more luck with Tinder. Firstly, there are a many more people to choose from and secondly, people seem to be more honest about what they are looking for, so it's easier to avoid those just looking for sex (assuming that you are looking for something more than a quick hook up). Admittedly, I almost gave myself RSI from swiping left on the dross - which is copious - but there is the occasional match, with whom it's worth chancing a date. I've lost count of the number of Tinder dates that I've had, but I would guess somewhere between 30 and 40. To be fair, on the whole, they were perfectly pleasant guys, but in most cases, there was no spark, although there were a few who I saw more than once. However, four months ago, I swiped right on a guy who I was slightly ambivalent about, as his profile wasn't great, but I thought I'd give it a chance. Long story short, we met, really liked each other and are now in a relationship. It's very early days of course, so I'm trying not to get too over optimistic, but at the moment, I'm very happy with the way that things are going.

Wishing you the very best of luck OP!

Have strong boundaries, high standards, and low expectations.

Hi I'm on OurTime. Which I purposely chose as thought they'd be more serious over 50. Stupid idea..

I have been on about 8 dates in the three or so months had a small break for my sanity.

It's overwhelming at times and now I am getting more savy about weeding out unsuitable.

One thing I have noticed many have baggage and don't deal with their emotions well so be prepared for that. I thought men in their older years would be more more emotionally mature but many are not and use techniques such as love bombing trauma dumping or ghosting...so be prepared.

It can be an ego boost too. There are many looking so be choosy ...which I struggled with

Thanks everyone!

I joined eHarmony and met my fabulous Fiancé within a week, coming up four years ago now, so there are some good ones out there. It was a pretty intense week with several men with glaring issues, one I suggested consider counselling rather than a dating site, one weirdo but
no dick-pics. I don’t think I’d have the stamina to stick it long term, was thinking of giving it a rest after the first week but then got a message from DF and we got on like a house on fire. So it’s worth a try, but you’ll need a thick skin.

@NotTheMrMenAgain thats lovely, I’m happy for you.